1-Four Corners

Exhausted from their swim, John and Dave were lying on beach towels, whispering playfully and making joking comments to each other. It was a beautiful, sunny Monday and they were thoroughly enjoying their time off.

Across the patio Millicent and John Carter, Sr. sat at a small, round table sipping cocktails as they observed the two men.

"You know that it really comes as no surprise to me that Johnny is one of those kind of guys," John, Sr. whispered softly as he leaned close to Millicent.

"John, what on earth are you talking about?" Millicent tried to hide the fact that she knew full well what he was referring to.

"You know Millie, a fairy." He said seriously. "Come on, I know that you had to have known for quite some time now. Neither one of them are very good at hiding it."

"Maybe they aren't really trying to." She stated flatly.

"I do wish John knew that he could talk to us about this." He frowned.

"It's taken him a long time to come to terms with this himself. I think that this is his way of breaking the news 'gently' as they say. He wants us to see that he is happy." Millicent shared her observation of their grandson.

"They do seem happy, don't they?" John smiled as he got up from the table. "Well, I think I am going to go mow this lawn." He headed towards the garage.

Dave had fallen asleep and John was well on his way when John, Sr. passed by.

"You boys don't stay out in the sun too long now." He warned, interrupting John's attempt to nap. John got up and joined his Gamma at the table.

"You look tired, John. Is Dave asleep?" Gamma asked, concerned that John wasn't getting enough sleep.

"Yeah, out like a light." John yawned.

"He a fine young man, John, and a very good friend. Am I not correct?"

"Yeah, sure, a real good friend." John danced around the chance to tell her about him and Dave.

"You two are pretty close?" She continued to fish around, hoping that he would admit his feelings for Dave.

"Uhm.yeah, I guess you could say that." John blushed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"You know, John, your grandfather and I may be old, but we are not blind. If he makes you happy, then that is all that matters." Millicent finally decided to let him off the hook.

She understood too well that John would never come right out and say it. After all the years that his family had rejected his choice of career, they certainly could not be expected to accept that he was gay.

"It's just that Dave's still not ready for anyone to know yet, give me a chance to talk to him before you let him in on the fact that you know." John pleaded.

"Don't worry, John, we won't say anything to embarrass your friend." She promised.

After sitting for a while, they were startled by the sound of a loud crashing noise, which also awakened Dave. He sat up in time to see John running across the lawn, he pulled himself up off the ground and ran after him.

When Dave came around the corner of the house he saw a small lawn tractor crashed into a birdbath. "What happened?" He called as he saw John with his head pressed against his grandpa's chest.

"Start compressions, Dave." John yelled as he ran to the house. Millicent gasped when she saw her husband lying flat on the ground and Dave performing CPR.

~~~~~~~~

After his grandfather's funeral, Abby had called Carter. One of his patients from the night before was asking for him and was still waiting to be admitted to a room upstairs. Once he entered the ER, Carter checked on his patient and called the pediatric unit to remind them that the girl was still waiting for a room.

"Nice suit Carter, who died?" Abby commented jokingly as he dialed the number for the pediatric ward.

"My grandfather." He looked preoccupied as he waited for someone to answer his call.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." She uttered, a bit embarrassed. He turned back to his phone conversation only to be put on hold again.

"When did he die?" She added a bit worried.

"Monday." He whispered softly.

"Wow. Are you okay?" Abby was genuinely concerned. He just nodded and gave her a rather wry grin.

"I'm off at four if you'd like to go get a coffee or something?" She invited, feeling a bit hurt that he never mentioned anything about this to her earlier.

"I've got 200 people back at the house." He declined sheepishly.

"There's coffee there, isn't there?" She offered to accompany him.

"I wouldn't ask you to subject yourself to that." He continued his conversation on the phone.

After hanging up he began to head out, Abby followed him still concerned. "Exactly what wouldn't you want me to subject myself too?"

"Things are a little tense." He tried to passively explain.

He was getting ready to leave when he saw Dave walking into the men's room. Needing to see him, John asked Abby to give him a minute and followed Dave. After walking in and looking around to make sure no one else was in there, Carter quietly announced. "Hey, I'm going to miss you tonight."

"Carter, wow, you look.yummy." Dave was surprised to see him. He grinned as he turned and zipped up his jeans. "And to think that I'm going to miss out on undressing you from that." He went to wash his hands. "So what are you doing here?"

"Abby called. It seems one of my patients from last night never got admitted. I needed to come down and take care of things."

"You should have called me, I could have taken care of it." Dave knew that Carter had plenty to deal with right now. He didn't need to be worrying about work.

"I was hoping to see you." Carter drew in a deep breath, then exhaled heavily as he leaned against the stall wall. "I needed to see you." He added wearily.

"Are you okay?" Dave asked as he took Carter's hand and tenderly kissed it. "You look tired." He pulled him close and embraced him compassionately.

"Yeah, and I really need to get back." Carter patted Dave's cheek and recomposed himself. "I'll see you in the morning." He quickly kissed Dave and left.

~~~~~~~~

Back at the house, John's father greeted him and his mother as they arrived. John stood still as his mother fixed his loosened tie. He always felt like such a child when he was around them.

Jack seemed a bit upset by the fact that they had taken so long to get there.

Eleanor admonished John for having to make a stop at the hospital as she explained why they were late.

John had acknowledged long ago that there was no pleasing his parents, so, besides being modestly polite, he no longer tried.

He was on his way to mingle with a few guests when he stopped in the hall to reflect on the memories of his brother. Staring at a very large portrait of the two of them together, he found himself wondering what things would have been like if Bobby were still alive.

His thoughts were interrupted when Henry, the butler, announced that his friend had arrived. Thinking that maybe Dave managed to get off early he was pleasantly surprised to find that it was Abby.

His mother watched with disapproval as they strolled out past the guests and sat on a park bench in the middle of the back yard.

"You're going to have some dirty birds." Abby teased, noticing the destroyed birdbath.

"Grandpa liked driving the power lawnmower around." John offered as an explanation.

"And he drove it into the birdbath?" She smiled humorously.

"Not on purpose. He was having a fatal MI at the time." John was trying to keep a straight face as Abby began to stifle her laughter.

"Oh God, I'm sorry." It wasn't funny but she couldn't keep from laughing.

"Got to die somehow." He continued frankly as she nodded in agreement, still snickering under her breath.

"It's not a bad way to go. Sunny day, out on the mower." John was finding it hard to contain himself as Abby continued to try unsuccessfully to not burst out laughing. "Don't.don't laugh." He chuckled lightly.

"I'm sorry." She giggled even more as he began to laugh also. "Well, stop it." Now they were both giggling.

Despite the circumstances, he needed that bit of release that the laughter had offered him. They had finally gotten themselves under control when Abby turned and looked towards him.

"I hope it was okay that I came here, I'm not usually a funeral crasher." She stated empathetically.

"Figured this would be a good one?" He desperately wanted to keep the conversation on the lighter side.

"And I felt bad, that something like your grandfather dying, could happen and you didn't even talk about it." She kept her eyes on him as he sat back and tried to gather up an explanation. He really didn't have one.

They were interrupted by his mother's sudden appearance. Eleanor insisted that he go in search of his grandmother.

Abby understood that he had obligations to attend to as she bid him goodbye. Hoping that maybe they would be able to finish this conversation another time, she got up and left.

~~~~~~~~

That night, John found himself unable to sleep. His parents had refused to stay at the house and he didn't want to leave Gamma alone. Even though he had previously planned on staying, he still hoped that his parents would have, so he wouldn't have to.

He had been so busy since his grandfather died, with helping Gamma make all the arrangements and contacting family and friends, that he really had not had time to allow himself to grieve. He already missed his grandfather terribly and could not even begin to imagine how this was going to effect his grandmother.

Reaching for the phone, he called Dave. He just needed to hear his voice and to say goodnight.

2-The Longer you stay


Why don't you just go home, Carter?" Dale called back as he started to head upstairs.

"No, I think I'll just crash here. I'm on again at noon anyway." Carter wearily rose from his seat, trying to stretch out his aching back.

He headed down the hall towards an empty exam room. Carter stopped when he saw Deb still in the trauma room. He knew that she was still upset over the grave mistake that she made in regards to a patient that she and Dave treated earlier. Carter paused momentarily as he thought about going in to talk to her. As he stood watching her for another few moments his back began to scream at him.

He had taken a nasty fall as the result of having to go hunt down Dr. Weaver. He was just too tired, and quite frankly, he was still a bit angry over her ever getting the Chief Resident job in the first place. Not because he didn't believe she deserved it, but because of the reason that Weaver had deemed him ineligible.

Running his hand across his face he proceeded onward towards his destination.

~~~~~~~~

Lydia stopped just outside the exam room to read the note posted on the door. " Do not disturb, I gave at the office." It was Carter's note. She would recognize his handwriting anywhere.

She only needed to sneak in momentarily to check that things were properly stocked. Opening the door, she noticed him curled up in a tight ball on the bed. This was not Carter, she though as she crept closer, he always slept flat on his back. He stirred slightly; pulling his lab coat that was draped over him tightly around him. Lydia grabbed a blanket and shook it open to place over him.

She spoke softly, as if he might be awake." Are you cold, Hon?" Covering him, she could not resist brushing away a stray lock of hair that covered his closed eyes.

"Thanks." He whispered, pulling the blanket tighter. Lydia smiled at the thought that only Carter could be so polite even in his sleep. She made a quick inventory of the cabinets as she recalled the many nights over the past years that she had done this exact same thing. She wondered why he never just got himself a blanket to start with. It really wasn't cold, but sleeping with a blanket was much cozier.

Just before she was about to leave the room, Lydia heard the sound of a deep groan and as she turned she saw that Carter was trying to reposition himself on the bed.

"Oww." She heard as he sucked in a deep breath and his face immediately twisted in pain.

"Carter, are you okay?" She placed her hand on his shoulder, to soothe him.

"My back." He whimpered softly as he again sought comfort. She could she the tears escape as he blinked his eyes and closed them tightly again.

"What's wrong with your back?" She moved around and rubbed his shoulders gently.

"Hurts." He groaned sleepily as his hand rubbed against the lower portion of his back. Lydia ran her hand down his spine.

"Let me see." John's back suddenly arched as a muffled groan escaped his lips when her hand neared where he had been rubbing. She lifted his scrub top to reveal an ugly black and blue bruise across his left flank.

"Good Lord! Carter how on earth did you do this?" She peeked down his scrub pants to reveal more bruising. "I'm going to go get Mark, he really should look at this."

"No! Please don't." Carter begged wearily. "Is Malucci still here?" His voice was so soft she could barely hear him.

"I think so, do you want me to get him?" Before she had even finished asking she realized he had gone back to sleep. She had heard that he had worked all night without a break, he needed all the sleep he could get before his next shift.

~~~~~~~~

At 9am Dave's shift was over. He managed to get a couple of short catnaps in the early hours of the morning, but couldn't wait to get home and get some real sleep. He knew that Carter was still sleeping and that his shift didn't start until noon. Sitting at the table in the lounge, he quickly wrote Carter a note and slipped it into his locker before heading home.

After the hellish night before, Carter was relieved that things were relatively slow. It gave him a chance to relax and allow his back to rest. He was on a break, in the lounge, when he found the note from Dave. There were several others in there at the time so he quickly slipped it into his pocket and made his way up to the roof.

Once away from the prying eyes of his colleagues, he opened the note and began to read it. It was just a short note advising him to take it easy. Carter had been so tired last night that he barely remembered Dave coming in to check out his injuries. He knew that Lydia wouldn't let him get away with not having his back looked at after seeing the bruises.

He was grateful that Dave had been there. He was so tender as he gently inspected the area and insisted on making sure that Weaver put him on light duty until he healed. The rest of the day sailed by rather quickly and before he knew it, his shift ended.

Carter was a bit disappointed when he got home and realized that Dave was getting ready to leave for work.

~~~~~~~~

The following morning Dave arrived home to find Carter still asleep. It was his day off so Dave didn't want to wake him up.

After going to the kitchen and putting on a pot of coffee, Dave made himself a ham and cheese sandwich. Sitting down at the table to eat, he made out his list of needed groceries.

Carter awoke from his slumber. He pushed back the covers that had become a bit too warm, not bothering to even check the time. He didn't have to be at work so there was no reason to get up. None at all except for the growing ache in his abdomen, indicative of a very full bladder.

Carter groaned as he rolled out of bed and wearily stumbled across the hall into the bathroom. He was half way across the room when he realized that Dave was in there standing right where he needed to be.

"Oh. Sorry. " He mumbled as he bit his bottom lip, crossing his right foot in front of the left, clenching his muscles tight to prevent himself from peeing right there where he stood.

Dave gave a little laugh as he noticed Carter's discomfort. "Come on, step up here, Carter. You look desperate." Dave smiled as he stepped aside a bit to make room for him.

Without hesitation he stepped forward and immediately sighed in relief.

Dave placed his free hand ever so gently, on Carter's back. "Still sore?" He asked as he gently massaged the area his hand rested on.

"Yeah, a little, but it's okay." John's voice was still deep from sleep.

"This sort of reminds me of when my brother and I were kids. We would pretend we were the 'Ghost Busters' and we couldn't let the streams cross each others." Dave giggled before he shook himself and went to wash his hands. "So," Dave continued. "Where have you been lately?"

John finished and turned towards the sink. "What? When?" He looked at Dave, confused.

"Night before last. I know that you stayed at the hospital but last night it was pretty late." Dave watched Carter wash his hands and splash water onto his face, washing the sleep from his eyes. Dave handed him a clean towel.

"You know I got stuck in the ER," John replied as he reached for his toothbrush and squeezed out a generous amount of toothpaste. "I just stayed at the hospital since I had another shift yesterday at noon. You just left Dave, I was too tired." He trailed off as he began to brush.

"You know, I still can't believe that I didn't catch that Marfans guy." Dave stared down at the ground.

Carter leaned over to spit out the paste and rinse his mouth. "It's pretty rare, you know. It's not your fault, Dave. Deb should have looked at the x-ray and Weaver should have been there." Carter began brushing again.

"It's just that I could have saved that guy's life if I had recognized it," Dave stammered.

After rinsing once more, Carter turned to look at Dave. Moving closer, he looked him square in the eyes. "You don't know that for sure, Dave. Besides, have you ever seen Marfans before?"

"No," Dave replied. "But." He stopped suddenly, not really knowing how to defend himself. He stepped back and out of the bathroom.

"But what? If you didn't know what to look for, how could you be expected to recognized it?" John followed Dave back to the bedroom.

"You knew," Dave stated matter-of-factly.

"Only because Mark had a case back when I was a med student and he made Deb and I do a report on it and that is why she should have known, also. But she didn't even bother to look at the x-ray. There's plenty of blame to go around." Carter stepped past Dave towards the bed where he lay back down.

Dave went around to the other side to lie down along side Carter.

"Weaver should never have said what she said, Dave, it was totally unfair. You're a good doctor and I'd still like to know why she never answered her page. It's not like her to not answer."

"Yeah, well it doesn't change the fact that the guy died. But thanks anyway for trying to defend me." There was a long silence, as they both lay staring at the ceiling.

"Dave?" Carter rolled onto his side facing Dave. "I was late last night because I had to go check on my grandmother. She wants me, well both of us, to move back in with her. With Grandpa gone, I think she's afraid to be alone. I told her I would have to think about it." He reached over and ran his hand through Dave's dark hair, pulling him close until his head rested in the crook of his arm.

"She said both of us?" Dave wasn't sure that he had heard right as he stared up into John's chocolate brown eyes.

"She knows that we're together and she knows that you're the reason that I moved out in the first place." John ran the back of his hand lightly against Dave's cheek. He knew that it was time to tell Dave that his grandmother knew they were a couple.

"You told her about us?" Dave furrowed his brow in uncertainty. Neither one of them had ever told anyone of their relationship. It came as a bit of a surprise to Dave that Carter would talk about it to his grandmother.

"No." Carter hesitated. "She figured it out on her own. She's a smart lady, Dave, not much gets by her. Besides, I think that she also knows that it would be the only way that I would even consider. Anyway she's okay with it and she needs me, Dave."

"So what you're really saying is that you have already made up your mind and you were just hoping that I'd go along with it." Dave teased as he raised up on his side towards Carter. He began to trace imaginary patterns across his bare chest.

"Yeah, something like that." Carter confessed as he lay back down and closed his eyes, letting out a breath that he hadn't realized that he was holding. Suddenly he just felt so weary.

"Hey buddy, it's okay. If that's what you feel you need to do, then that's what we will do." Dave leaned over and planted a kiss on Carter's cheek. "So when did you want to do this?"

"Gamma is expecting us for dinner. We're going to meet with a contractor to do some remodeling. There are two empty bedrooms next to mine and we'll open them up as our own private living room, sort of like a suite. There's plenty of closet and dresser space for both of us. We really don't need any of the bedroom furniture, unless you have something you can't live without."

"Only that old trunk, it was my great-grandfathers. When my mother gave it to me she made me promise that I would never part with it." Dave pointed to an old camelback trunk against the wall.

"Anyway, we can put whatever we don't need in storage," Carter continued. "We'll just need some clothes for now. We can send for the rest after the living room is ready."

"You mean for tonight?" Dave asked, a bit surprised that this was happening so fast. He leaned closer and worked his mouth across Carter's chest, eliciting a soft moan.

"Yeah.. " Carter purred as he ran his hands through Dave's thick dark hair holding him in place. He felt his cock stir as Dave continued his assault on his nipples. Dave's hands roamed his body until one slipped inside his boxers, smoothly caressing his erection. Carter gasped when he felt Dave's fingers firmly stroking him. He tugged at the white T-shirt tucked into a tightly fitting pair of jeans. His hands, once underneath the soft cotton, gently pinched at Dave's erect nipples.

Carter reached down and unbuttoned Dave's fly, pushing the denim material out of the way as best he could. Dave reached down and pulled Carter's flannel boxers all the way off as he stood momentarily to strip off his own clothes. Crawling slowly back over the top of Carter's naked body he went back to what he was previously doing.

Dave proceeded to lick wet circles down Carter's bare chest towards his belly button and across to his hipbone, stopping there to pay extra careful attention to an area that he knew drove Carter crazy. The tickling sensation caused Carter to squirm wildly as Dave also continued to ever so lightly stroke at his burgeoning erection.

Not being able to take any more teasing, Carter swiftly flipped Dave over and wrestled him against the bed, holding him tightly in place with his strong muscular legs. He immediately winced in pain as he realized that the sudden movement he had just made was a big mistake.

"Oww," he groaned, placing his hand on his back to ease the spasms shooting through his body.

"Are you okay?" Dave exclaimed with a bit of apprehension, caressing Carter as he slowly fell forward. Dave was concerned that he had hurt himself again.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Carter exhaled heavily as he carefully leaned closer and kissed Dave square on the lips, invading his mouth with his tongue.

The kiss was long and hard as Dave once again had Carter's organ in the palm of his hand. He stroked firmly as Carter continued to feverishly explore Dave's mouth while his hips pushed leisurely against his fist. His mouth parted from Dave's as his breathing became more ragged.

"Can you lie on your back?" Dave asked compassionately.

"Yeah, I think so." He rolled onto his back as Dave immediately took him full on into his mouth, sucking with all his might. Dave continued to move his mouth up and down on Carter's throbbing cock, sucking him and fondling his balls until Carter came with a vengeance. Spurting cum deep down into Dave's throat.

"OH God! Dave," Carter cried out. Dave continued to carefully lick up every last drop of Carter's juices before allowing him a moment to catch his breath.

Carter rolled over onto his stomach as his breathing returned to normal. He reached over to the nightstand and produced a tube of KY Jelly and handed it to Dave.

Seeing the rather large bruising, Dave hesitated to go any farther. "Are you sure? That looks pretty wicked, Carter." Dave gently kissed around the purpled area.

"God, yes.I need you in me, Dave." Carter whimpered in anticipation. "I'm sure it looks worse than it is."

Dave proceeded to warm a generous amount of gel in his hands before he meticulously began to apply it to Carter's tight ass. Paying careful attention not to place any undo pressure on the bruised area, he rubbed the gel around Carter's opening until he was relaxed enough to slip a finger inside. Gently pushing in and out with one and then another, Dave knew he was driving him mad as he squirmed under his manipulations.

"Oh God," Carter gasped. He was totally relaxed as he anticipated Dave's next move. Slowly Dave pushed himself inside Carter, stopping only to make sure that he wasn't hurting him. As soon as Carter gave him the okay, he began to slowly move in and out.

"Uhmm.. Dave." Carter could barely speak as felt Dave's hand wrap around his growing penis. The sensations pulsating through his body were driving him wild as he pushed his body back to meet Dave's thrusts. Dave paused momentarily as be caressed and stroked Carter, slowly sending him over the edge once more.

As soon as he felt Carter ready to exploded again, he began gently rocking in and out, plunging deeper and harder with each stroking movement. It was only a matter of minutes before Dave was howling in ecstasy. "Woooo hooooo," Dave cried out his release as he felt Carter's warm seed spill over his hand.

"Oh God. Dave," Carter cried as he imagined the warm liquid fill his ass. Dave collapsed against Carter as his head was still spinning. They both rolled onto their sides as Dave cradled Carter close to his chest.

Carter began to giggle at Dave's antics. He loved Dave's craziness. You never knew what to expect.

3-Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic


Dinner had been quite enjoyable. Gamma had seemed genuinely happy that John and Dave would be coming to live with her. John was pleased that his grandmother had actually accepted his relationship with Dave.

John was also very grateful to her for allowing him a little free reign in accommodating him and his need for privacy by letting him remodel the rooms next to his. They had met with the contractor and a couple of the crew that would be doing the actual work. The workmen had started on the new living room immediately, taking measurements and making material lists.

~~~~~~~~

For the next few days Dave was working 7am -7pm with John working noon-7pm; half shifts on account of his recent back injury. At Dave's insistence, Weaver had agreed that with John needed to take it easy and not overdo it, and risk further injury.

The next few days passed fairly un-eventfully. Their private living room was finished and furnished with two brand new, full-length couches, along with a couple of end tables, and a very expensive entertainment center with a large screen TV. A set of recliners faced a fireplace in the far corner of the room. Dave's grandfather's trunk sat next to the fireplace with a hand crocheted afghan draped over it. Other items from Dave's apartment included a large rocking chair, a long coffee table, a bookcase and a desk, all of solid oak.

Black and white photographs in large ornate frames with the signature 'Chase Carter' hung gracefully on the walls. It was the perfect reflection of both John and Dave, containing various personal belongings of both.

~~~~~~~~

John had tried to talk Dave into getting himself a vehicle. "It's a bit far to ride your bike and I'm not always going to be able to give you a ride. Algier will always be at your disposal but you need your own transportation." He had argued.

"Fine. It's just that it has been awhile since I've driven." Dave breathed in a deep breath, exhaling slowly as John noticed his nervousness. "Not since the accident."

"Accident?" John questioned.

"Yeah, a few years ago. Just before I came to Chicago. My wife was killed and my daughter was in the hospital for almost a month. I had to get away, just too many memories. I was just starting my second year of residency and she was so little I just didn't know what to do with her. I couldn't raise a two-year old child by myself but I couldn't stay there either. I tried for Maura. I tried but I just couldn't."

"So you have a daughter?" John looked at Dave in shock. "Where is she now?"

"I didn't abandon my kid, Carter." Dave answered abruptly. "She lives with my mom in New York. I send money and stuff for her all the time and I try to go see her as often as possible. That's where I take off to every once in a while, for a couple of days at a time. That's why I'm always broke, Carter." Dave was beginning to get agitated and defensive.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about her before?" John asked, surprised that Dave had never mentioned anything about this before.

"I don't know. It was my fault. I was driving and I couldn't get to her in time to stop the bleeding." Dave tried to explain, his voice clearly expressing his self-guilt. "I don't want to talk about this all right." He looked at John, sadly, desperately fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.

John suddenly remembered a time when they had been out driving around, just having some fun and messing around. John had reached down, and undid his fly releasing a raging hard on and had asked Dave for a blowjob. Dave had gotten all crazy and had started screaming at him.

"No way, Carter, you're driving. Just pay attention to the road and wait until we get home and I'll suck you all night if you want, but not here, not ever, and don't ask me to ever do that again." Then he was quiet for the rest of the trip home.

"Fine. We'll worry about your transportation later." John didn't want to upset Dave any further.

~~~~~~~~

The following morning, Dave suddenly woke to the sound of the clock radio. He quickly turned it off as to not wake John. He had an early shift but John didn't have to start until noon. There was no point in waking him. After a quick shower and getting dressed, he took one last glance at his sleeping lover before heading down stairs for breakfast.

~~~~~~~~

Dave sat at the table as Corrine placed a cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes in front of him.

"Good morning Dave." Millicent addressed him. "Where's John?"

"Morning Ma'am." Dave swallowed a mouthful and sipped his coffee. "Still asleep, he's not on 'til noon."

"It's Gamma, Dave. I need to ask you, is John having trouble with his back again?"

"Uhm. Well he fell at work the other night. Bruised it pretty bad but he's okay, really," Dave tried his best to reassure her.

"All right, if you say so. It's just that it hasn't gone un-noticed by me that he has been working less hours lately."

"Seriously, he's fine," Dave assured her, quickly finishing his breakfast. "Just a little sore, that's all." Dave looked at his watch and gulped down the last of his coffee. "I've got to run." Don't worry about John, Gamma, he'll be fine." He grabbed his napkin and wiped his mouth before leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. Grabbing his sports bag he quickly got up and left the house.

~~~~~~~~

John had been sitting out by the pool just kicking back and listening to some music. This was not the sort of music that he would normally enjoy, but it was Dave's, and he thought that it wouldn't hurt to acquire a taste for it.

Gamma interrupted his solitude by offering him aspirin for his back. She poured him a glass of water but dropped it, breaking the glass on the patio stones. He proceeded to clean up the glass, even after Gamma warned of his being barefoot. Sure enough he had gotten a piece of glass in his foot. He tried to remove the glass splinter while he was dressing for work but was unable to find it. Time was running out and he needed to leave. He put on a pair of slip-on tennis shoes and was on his way.

John had a few moments to spare, so he found an empty exam room. Using a mag-light, he once again tried to find the piece of glass. In his opinion, Abby had been acting unusually suspicious all morning, and as she snuck into the room where he was, he practically scared her out of her skin when he asked what she was doing. She talked to him about her break up with Luka, and offered to help him remove the piece of glass. Before she could do anything he was called away to help out with an abandoned baby that had been brought in.

~~~~~~~~

Dave found himself flirting with a new EMT. He had never seen her before and suddenly he found himself following her around. She invited him to join her inside the ambulance.

He had seen John hanging out with Abby all morning and knew that it was just a matter of time before he found out that Luka had broken up with her. Knowing John, he figured it wouldn't be long before he was in her bed. He had seen the way John looked at her from a far. He also knew that John had had the 'hots' for her for a really long time. He just assumed that given the chance John probably wouldn't refuse her.

Without another thought about it, Dave allowed himself to be led into the ambulance. They began to kiss, and the next thing he knew Weaver had caught them in a most compromising position.

"Fired? Oh God, did she say fired?" Dave knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to hide this from John. He didn't know why he suddenly felt so guilty for what he had done.

~~~~~~~~

Abby had successfully removed the glass and had talked John into helping her to replace a broken fish tank in Luka's apartment. After taking Abby home, John drove back to the hospital to pick up Dave. John sighed at the thought of the fun he had had with Abby after work. It seemed so unfair that now that she was free for the taking he was now with Dave.

But he loved Dave, or at least he was beginning too. He had been with Dave since about four months after his return from Atlanta. Well, they had sort of been together. Neither one of them seemed to take things seriously until just a few months ago. Actually right after he had gone to Oklahoma with Abby. It had made Dave so jealous that it drove him crazy and he had insisted on wanting John to move in with him. Although they have both still insisted on keeping their relationship a secret. Dave never seemed to mind when he was with Rena, or anyone else for that matter, but Abby that was a different story.

As John approached the hospital, he saw Dave walking up the street about a block away. Pulling up to the curb he honked his horn to get his attention.

"Oh shit," Dave thought to himself. "Time to face the music." He opened the door and got in, slamming the door behind him. He looked out the window as he tried to think of how he was going to explain to John what he had done.

John immediately picked up on Dave's anger but was not sure if he should ask. It was obvious that he was still fuming over whatever had happened and he knew that Dave would tell him when he was ready.

"Can we stop somewhere? I need a drink." Dave leaned his head back against the seat.

"Dave, I'm really tired, there's alcohol at the house. Why don't we just go home and relax a bit and you can tell me all about it." John protested as he reached over to rest his hand on Dave's thigh.

Dave flinched slightly as tears began to flow; he could not bear to hurt John. For the first time since they had been together, Dave felt that what he was about to confess was really going to tear them apart. "John, what I have to say I don't think you're going to want any of the house staff or Gamma to over hear."

"It can't be that bad." He smirked slightly, then suddenly realized that he had just heard Dave call him John. For the first time ever he had called him John. This can't be good he thought as he furrowed his brow.

"I don't even know where to start," Dave muttered.

"How about the beginning?" John offered.

"This is not going to be easy. But I realized today that I love you more than I ever thought I could." Dave let out a deep breath and tried to begin. "I did something really stupid today and Weaver fired me." Dave continued on, telling John everything that had happened.

"You did what? Why? Dave, I mean come on, in an ambulance, at work?" John could not believe what he was hearing.

"I don't know. You were off with Abby all day and I just got crazy." Dave stammered, knowing that was a lame excuse. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah! I was with Abby, but I didn't fuck her, Dave." John yelled in anger. "And from the sound of it this all happened while I was still there? Still right there at the hospital? God I don't believe this."

"I won't blame you if you want to dump me, John, because I know that I really screwed up this time, and not only did I lose my job, but I suppose I have lost you, too. And for that I am really sorry." Dave began to sob.

John pulled the Jeep up the long driveway and steered into the garage. He turned off the key and turned towards Dave, handing him a small travel pack of tissues.

"I think we had just better think about this. You can sleep in the guestroom. We'll talk about this later." John got out of the Jeep and headed towards the kitchen entrance and up the stairs.

" John, I'm really sorry," Dave called out as he followed him upstairs. slammed the door to their bedroom, leaving Dave standing out in the hall.

"A little trouble in paradise?" Corrine asked as she noticed Dave standing there. She had heard a few words fly as she saw the boys coming up the stairs. Then the door had slammed and there was Dave standing alone in the hall.

"Yeah, something like that." Dave walked back toward the door that led to their living room.

"Don't worry Dr. Dave, John's tantrums don't usually last long." Corrine smiled at Dave as he sat on the couch and mindlessly reached for the remote.

"Just give him some time to cool off. He'll come around." She continued to reassure him, hoping that he would tell her what had happened. Corrine was not the nosy type, but she was an excellent listener.

Dave sat silent. This was definitely not something that he wanted to discuss right now and certainly not with Corrine.

"Dinner will be ready in about half an hour," Corrine informed him before she turned to leave. She could see that Dave was not going to discuss what ever had happened and he seemed a bit uncomfortable with her probing.

~~~~~~~~

John stood in the shower, allowing the hot water to run down his aching back as he tried to relieve the tension of the day's turn of events. The vision of Abby using him as a stepladder played in his brain. That had been really stupid and now he was paying dearly for that mistake.

His thoughts drifted back to Dave. Maybe it was because he had turned Abby down. She had invited him in for coffee and he had known that coffee was not all she wanted. He had wanted Abby for like, forever, and when he finally had his chance he had turned her down, only to find out that Dave was off screwing someone he had just met.

During their time together both him and Dave had been with women, but for some reason this felt different. He could not figure out why it bothered him so much. Stranger yet was Dave's reaction. He had never seen Dave cry or worry about them being apart. For some reason it felt like something in their relationship had changed. Drastically changed.

Stepping out of the shower, he reached for a towel to dry off. After slipping into a pair of sweats and a sleeveless T-shirt John spread out on the bed. It felt strange to think that Dave would not be in that bed with him tonight.

Something else about tonight struck John as odd. For the first time Dave had called him John and he had said those three words that John had wanted to hear for so long. Dave had said. "I love you." Suddenly there was a knock at the door from the living area and Dave opened it quietly.

"John, can I come in? I just need to use the bathroom." Dave knew that it was a lame excuse. There was a bathroom in about every other room in the house, including the guestroom across the hall where he was supposed to be, according to John.

He did have to go and this way he would be able to see if John was still upset with him. Not getting an answer, he decided to play it safe and went straight into the bathroom. Once in there, he took care of the necessary business then decided that this would be as good a time as any to go ahead and take his shower. John certainly wouldn't object to that.

Dave could not figure out what was happening. Since when did he care if John knew he was with a woman and since when did John care that he was?

Dave stepped out of the shower and dried off. He looked around, only to realize that he had left his robe on the chair by the dresser that morning and had nothing to put on. He wrapped the towel around his waist and went to the dresser in search of some clothes.

"I'll be out of your hair in a minute, John," Dave promised as he slipped on a pair of sweat shorts and a white T-shirt. Grabbing his robe and gathering up the towel, he headed back into the bathroom to hang it up. On his way out he stopped to inform John that dinner would be ready soon. Dave left the room and headed downstairs.

Millicent had long ago agreed with her grandson that dressing for dinner on a daily basis, when there was only the three of them did seem a little ridiculous. On this particular evening they had arrived home a bit later than expected and would have had barely enough time to shower, before dinner was served. She had gotten quite used to them appearing in sweats and T-shirts or a bathrobe as the case was with Dave on this evening.

"Is John coming down for dinner?" Gamma asked as she noticed Dave standing in front of the window, staring out into nothing.

"Yes Gamma, I'm right here." John gave his Gamma a little hug from behind and as Dave turned around his eyes met John's. Both boys stood quiet for a moment. The silence was broken by Gamma's invitation. "Come on now, sit down."

She ushered both of them to the dinning room. Gamma sat at the head of the table with Dave and John on each side of her. Across the table from each other both men sat in total silence.

Corrine had served a small bowl of soup and they both quietly, but slowly, began to eat, stirring the soup around the bowl between each small bite. By the time the plates were served neither one had eaten more than about half of the soup. John picked up his fork and began picking around at the food on his plate. Dave had his elbow resting on the table with his head leaning against his closed fist. He had just about mashed every pea on his plate. Only taking an occasional bite of the beef tips and gravy, he left the baked potato completely untouched.

Gamma tried her best to generate some small talk all through the entree, but received only short answers from both men. Finally, she had had enough of the tension; she stood up and addressed them both. "It seems to me that the two of you need a little time alone to work out whatever this is." She turned her attention to Corinne; "I'll finish my dinner in the kitchen. Come along."

"No Gamma," John suddenly stood, gesturing for her to sit back down. "I'm sorry. I don't want to spoil your dinner. I'm really just not that hungry and I'm going to go back upstairs. I'll come check in on you later." He promised before turning to leave.

Dave tossed his napkin on the table and excused himself also. "Sorry ma'am." He apologized before turning to leave. Dave gave John plenty of space to walk ahead as he slowing followed him up the stairs.

"Dave, you didn't have to leave, go finish your dinner." John stopped and turned towards Dave.

"No. I can't eat anything right now anyway." Dave replied, trying to keep his voice soft and low.

John reached down, tenderly extending his hand towards Dave. Dave took a couple of quick steps forward and took hold of John's offered hand.

Millicent and Corrine curiously peeked around the corner to see the two of them walking arm in arm up the stairs. "At least they're talking to each other," Corrine mused.

Once in their room, both men sat silently together on the bed. Neither one seemed to know what to say. Dave finally broke the silence between them.

"If it makes you feel any better, Weaver sort of saved me from humiliating myself," Dave chuckled nervously. "I mean, while I was with Dana, all I could think about was you, John. I realized that I didn't want to do that and that you were enough for me. When Weaver opened that door, I had already completely lost it, my erection that is," Dave blushed. "Dana hadn't noticed and I used Weaver as a means of escape. I really didn't think that Weaver was serious about firing me, but at the time all I really cared about was you and that what I was doing was going to hurt you. I've known for some time now that you wanted more from this relationship, and I have, too. It's just that I've been scared to take it any farther." Dave paused momentarily to collect his thoughts. "Then there is Maura. How am I ever going to explain to my daughter that her daddy is gay?" Dave leaned close to John, resting against his shoulder.

John took hold of Dave's hand and played with the ring that he still wore. "What was her name?" John sat quiet for a minute as Dave's mind absorbed the question.

"Diane," Dave answered softly, as if the memories were still too hard to bare.

"You really loved her didn't you?" John 's deep dark eyes showed such concern, yet such a need to know.

"Yeah, I did." Dave sighed heavily as he fought back the tears. "I really thought that we would be together forever."

"Why did you name her Maura?" John just couldn't seem to help himself from asking. He realized that for as long as he had been with Dave they really did not know much about each others personal lives, and he suddenly wanted to know everything there was to know about Dave.

"My mom's name is Marie and her mom's name is Laura," Dave explained. "We just liked the way it sounded."

"Dave, I want to meet her." John looked serious as he stared into Dave's dark brown eyes.

"Okay," Dave said without even thinking about it.

"If I send her tickets, will your mother bring her here?" John asked.

"Uhhmm. I don't see why she wouldn't," Dave stuttered. "John, I'm not so sure that my mother is going to be as accepting of us as Gamma is." Dave paused. "I've always wanted to have Maura come live with me. I'm just not sure if my mother is going to put up a fight or not."

"Hey, let's just take this one step at a time, Dave." John leaned over and began to plant small wet kisses along Dave's neck.

Dave giggled and flinched. "Oh God, John you know that drives me crazy."

"Crazy with desire?" He whispered into Dave's ear, taking a lobe between his teeth and nibbling gently while his hands began roaming Dave's chest. He made quick work of getting Dave's shirt off as he removed his own. Sliding out of his sweat pants he tugged on Dave's shorts to remove them also. Kneeling between Dave's legs, he made a nose-dive straight for his groin.

"Oh God, John come here." Dave begged.

John looked up at Dave. "Come or Cum?" John laughed.

"Turn around," Dave wiggled up farther onto the bed, making room for John to straddle his mouth. Dave could feel John kiss his belly, then he moved slowly down, spreading Dave's legs apart. Dave slid his tongue around the inside of John's thigh, then took him into his mouth, sucking slowly. He could feel John's breath between his legs, and then the warmth of his mouth, and the rapid flicking of his tongue as it ran up and down his hard member. Their hands roamed up and down along each other's thighs, fondling each other's balls while they feverishly sucked each other off.

Carter felt the growing heat building in his groin as he felt Dave's balls recede up inside his body and the burst of Dave's orgasm as he cried out his own. Not able to cry out and swallow at the same time both men found themselves in the same predicament as they each rolled onto their backs with cum all over there faces. They both sat up and laughed as they licked their own juices off their lovers' face.

4-Never Say Never


Dave had gotten a job at Northwestern; he still had a year left to finish his residency. John had applied and had been offered an Attending position at Northwestern, also. He only had a few more days to tell them that he would take the job and he still didn't know what he was waiting for. Of course he wanted the job, but now that Dave was working there he didn't know if he should accept the position. He would be an Attending and Dave was still a Resident. Having authority over Dave at work might not be good for their relationship. Besides he really loved County and was still hoping he would get an Attending position there.

~~~~~~~~

John came home from work, a bit excited but a little uneasy. Still thinking about his day, he could not wait for Dave to get home.

Weaver had called him into the lounge to tell him that he had the Chief Resident position. There it was 'ripe for the taking, served on a silver platter'. But it also meant that Deb had quit. He had missed her when she left County the first time and since she had been back they had gotten even closer.

To top it off, Susan Lewis had returned. So many mixed emotions, he knew that he should be happy. At least now he knew that he still had a job, for another year any way, or until Weaver went on the warpath again. Then there had been the phone call from Dave's mother.

~~~~~~~~

John was hanging his suit jacket in the closet when a very tired Dave stepped into the room and collapsed on the bed. John sat down beside him and absentmindedly ran a hand along Dave's thigh.

"Should I even ask how your day went?" He teased. Leaning closer to Dave, he breathed into his ear.

"I am so tired I don't think that even you and that fabulous mouth of yours could get me hard right now." Dave chuckled as he rolled onto his stomach to move away from John.

"You want to make a wager on that one?" John continued to tease, as he rolled over to reach under Dave and stroked at his cock.

Dave wiggled away from John. "Come on man, I need some sleep." Dave yawned deeply.

"Fine, I just wanted to tell you that your mother called. She got the tickets. She wants you to call her to let her know when to come." John sighed. "Also, Deb quit today and Kerry gave me her job."

"Chen quit? Why?" Dave turned around in shock.

"Kerry wouldn't say, it had something to do with your patient." He tried to be casual about the whole thing.

"Oh man, I knew that Weaver was only using the sex thing as an excuse." Dave spat angrily.

"Hey don't worry about Weaver. Here call your mom." Trying to change the subject, John tossed the phone onto the bed and headed for the shower.

Dave picked up the cordless phone and dialed the number for his mom. After a brief conversation, his mom had agreed to bring Maura and stay for a couple of weeks.

Dave stepped into the shower behind John and wrapped his muscular arms around his narrow waist before trailing his hands firmly down his belly. "So I suppose you had something in mind to celebrate your new Chief Resident 'position.' Dave exclaimed as he tenderly bit along John's shoulder blade. "Maybe you had this in mind?" Dave teased as he began kissing up John's neck until he reached an earlobe. Taking it into his mouth he sucked and nipped at it, sending tingling shivers down John's spine, arousing all his senses.

"I thought you were too tired for this." John stated sarcastically as he leaned back against Dave, enjoying the sensations he was creating.

"Well I started dreaming about this tall, dark, handsome man in my shower and I had to see for myself if dreams really do come true." His hands continued to trail down John's front. Dave took hold of him, bringing him to full attention, stroking rhythmically. John turned around to face Dave, leaning down to kiss him.

"Well, Dave, if you keep doing that this dream will most surely 'cum' true."

~~~~~~~~

It had only been a couple of days after John's promotion that he happened to have a day off on the same day as Dave. Since he had started back to full time shifts, Weaver had not changed his days off.

Dave awakened early and felt the weight of John's arm across his stomach; his body spooned close against his. John had been holding on to him even as they slept. Dave rolled over and nestled his face into John's chest to breathe in his musky scent. God, he loved the way John smelled. He felt so warm and he was so comfortable he didn't want to move. He could feel John's breath on him as he watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful just lying there. Snuggling close to him, Dave heard John's stomach rumble. Also, feeling a bit hungry, he thought it would be nice to have breakfast in bed.

Dave gently lifted John's arm and slipped out from under it. Grabbing a pair of sweats and a T-shirt he headed downstairs and into the kitchen. After a quick survey of the refrigerator and pantry he began to make breakfast.

Corrine had come in and offered to help, but Dave told her that he had everything under control. It was not unusual to find either one of the boys in her kitchen. They both loved to cook and were pretty good at it. John had lived with Kerry Weaver for almost a year and she had taught him a lot about cooking and Dave grew up learning from his mom. Most importantly, they were usually pretty good at cleaning up their own messes.

~~~~~~~~

John woke and stretched lazily, reaching out mindlessly to cuddle up to Dave. He immediately noticed his absence. Yawning as he glanced at the clock, he rubbed at his eyes as he sleepily tried to focus. It was already 9am and he wondered how he had managed to sleep so long. John stumbled out of bed and across the room to the bathroom.

He had just stepped out of the shower when he thought he smelled the aroma of coffee, eggs and bacon. He came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel to find Dave placing breakfast on a TV tray that he had brought in from the living room.

"Good morning, sleepy head. I thought you were going to sleep all day." Dave smiled.

John slipped on a pair of sweat pants and a baseball shirt. After using it to dry his hair he quickly returned the towel to the bathroom, stopping to run a comb through his hair.

Returning to the bedroom he picked up a cup of coffee, taking a gulp before setting it on his nightstand and making himself comfortable on the bed. Dave settled down next to him, handing John a cloth napkin and a fork.

"I just wanted to spend a little quiet time with the love of my life." Dave smiled towards John.

"This is really nice Dave, thanks." He leaned over and kissed him. "I love you, too."

On the tray was also a bowl of fruit topped with whipped cream. Dave reached for a strawberry, swiping it generously through the whipped cream and held it between his teeth, bringing his mouth towards John's. He bit the other half and slowly they chewed the pieces without leaving each other's mouth. They both began to lick the whipped cream that had inadvertently smeared onto their lips. Together they giggled playfully as they continued to enjoy their breakfast.

Dave handed John a plate of eggs, bacon and toast, as he placed his own plate on his lap.

"Do you remember the first time we ever shared a meal together?" John seemed to be in a reminiscent mood.

"Sure, it was Thanksgiving 1999. How could I forget that? I diagnosed your patient with Jamaican Vomiting Sickness." Dave smirked. "I remember you thought I was crazy." He added as he speared a couple of grapes and fed them to John.

"Yeah, that's true." John paused to finish chewing. "But I still think you're crazy, Dave." He laughed as he continued eating his eggs. "Oh yeah, and that's when I found out that you went to med school in Grenada."

"Grenada was great. I actually learned a lot there." They both ate silently for a moment.

"This is really good Dave, I didn't realize how hungry I was." John stated as he started on his toast.

"I remember that I was getting ready to go home and I found you in the lounge. You had finished your shift and you were waiting around to hear news of Carol's babies." Dave recalled.

"Well, the second one. When I heard that there was a complication with Kate, I wanted to stick around and hear how things went." John had finished his eggs and handed the empty plate to Dave to place on the tray. "I can't believe it's been almost two years." He picked up his coffee.

"We spent most of the rest of the afternoon and the entire evening over at Doc Magoo's. I remember thinking later, that if we had never spent that time together, I wonder if we would have ever become friends?" Dave smiled sheepishly at John.

"I don't know, but we did become friends pretty fast after that. Spending Christmas and New Year's together." John reiterated.

"I remember you dressing up as Santa and collecting all those guns. You were pretty angry when it didn't turn out the way you thought it should have." Dave placed his empty plate with John's. "Want any more of this fruit?" He handed the bowl to John.

"Yeah." Taking the bowl from Dave, he began picking out pieces of banana and eating them, licking his fingers in the process. "We went to your place, made pizza and watched that Chevy Chase movie 'Christmas Vacation.'

"You passed out on my couch." Dave reminded him as he finished the last of the grapes.

"Actually, I just fell asleep. Now, New Year's Eve, I passed out." John corrected him, handing him the empty bowl.

"Too much champagne, I think we both passed out that night." Dave laughed. "We pretty much started going out just about every chance we got after that until�." Dave stopped suddenly.

"Until Valentines Day?" John finished. "That is what you were going to say, right?"

"Yeah, well that was pretty traumatic for all of us, I just can't really imagine how if must have been for you." Dave said sympathetically as he leaned against John and took his hand in his and kissed it.

"You know, Dave, it's okay to talk about it. I mean, we don't have to avoid the subject. It's not like we can just forget that it ever happened." John reassured him as he got up off the bed. He began to exchange his sweat pants for a pair of jeans.

Turning back towards Dave, he said, "I remember last New Year's Eve." He waited for Dave's reaction.

"John, I don't think I'll ever forget that. We crashed that party at the Hilton and at midnight you kissed me in front of God and everybody." Dave blushed, "but I'm glad you did, otherwise I may have never found out what a great kisser you are."

"I don't know which one of us was more shocked. You, for that fact that I kissed you in the first place or me, because you liked it and kissed me back."

"Actually, I think all those people at that party were more shocked than we were, they were all staring at us like they had never seen two men kiss before." Dave laughed as he got up and began to search his drawers for some clothes.

Suddenly, John found himself staring affectionately at Dave. It had only been very recently since Dave had started calling him John. It occurred to him that he rather liked it. No one, besides his family, ever called him by his given name except Deb, Abby, and occasionally Kerry.

"Hey, lets go see a movie or something." John suggested.

"I still need to shower." Dave was heading for the bathroom.

"I'll clean up this mess and meet you downstairs." John offered as he gathered up all the breakfast dishes.

5-Start All Over Again



After a long and exhausting day, John walked into the house ready to collapse. He had told Abby that he was fine but he still hurt like hell. He walked slowly up the stairs and straight into his bathroom to draw a nice hot bath. He stepped out long enough to grab a change of underwear and was just about to step into the Jacuzzi when Dave came bursting in.

"John!" Dave bounced into the bathroom, a smile spread across his face. "I thought you were going to be home an hour ago. Don't get in the tub now." He grinned like a Cheshire cat and announced proudly, "My mom and Maura are here." Ever since his mother had called and they had made plans for her to come and visit, he could not wait for John to meet his daughter.

John continued to step into the steamy hot water and slowly lower himself into it. "Oh man, I am so sorry, Dave." He groaned wearily as he leaned back into the water. He closed his eyes and placed a wet wash cloth across them to block out the light.

"So how long do you plan on being in here?" Dave leaned over and playfully plunged his hand into the water, grabbing hold of John's balls.

"Ewwoughh." John yelped as he grabbed Dave's hand, pushing him away. "Jesus H. Christ! Dave, don't do that!" He growled angrily.

"What?" Dave jumped back in surprise. Dave saw the pain etched across John's face as he bolted up, drawing his knees up to his chest.

"Ohhhhhhh man," John sighed heavily as he tried to curl up into ball.

"Geesh. I didn't grab that hard." Dave whispered. "Shhh, my mom's in the next room."

"Yeah, well I had a little accident today." John wasn't in the mood to go into any details. He slowly relaxed back into a lying position, sinking deep into the hot water.

"What happened? Get kicked or something?" Dave asked with concern.

"Shocked."

"Shocked? How?"

"Tell you later." John lay back, exhausted from his busy day.

"By the way, I checked on Gamma. Algier told me about her fainting. She insisted on coming down for dinner. She seems fine." Dave filled him in.

"Thanks. Is she in bed already?" John asked. "She wouldn't stay long enough for me to really check her out," he was still really worried about her.

"Yeah, about an hour ago. Maura went to bed, also. She's not used to staying up this late," Dave added.

"I'm sorry, I sort of got involved in a conversation with Susan and lost track of time." John apologized for being late.

"My mom and I were just watching some TV and talking," Dave shrugged. "I told her about us," he blurted out.

"So, how'd she take it?" John sat up and poured some bathwash onto a sponge and began rubbing it over himself, creating a rich, fragrant lather.

"I was a bit shocked when she said that she wasn't surprised. She said my sister figured it out after her last couple of visits." Dave grinned.

"Camille?" John remembered meeting Dave's sister a couple of times.

"Yeah, she said she knew you had to be gay when you didn't even try to hit on her." Dave laughed, taking the sponge from John and washing his back with it.

John smiled as he thought of Camille, with her long dark hair, olive skin, and a tall slender frame she had definitely been a wonderful piece of eye candy. He quickly dismissed the thought as his attention drifted back to Dave, decided to change the subject.

"Well, I had a very interesting case today. This woman came in, in active labor and while Susan was examining her, her water broke and flooded the control switch for the bed and shorted it out. The bed started rising and we ended up delivering the baby from a ladder. It was pretty hysterical actually." John relaxed back against the back of the tub.

Dave lean over to captured his mouth, kissing John as he began to run the sponge across John's chest. They were suddenly interrupted by a knock at the bedroom door.

"Dave?" A woman's voice called out.

"Yeah, just a minute, Mom," Dave answered, handing the sponge back to John. He quickly rinsed his soapy hands in the tub, drying them on his jeans and ran to answer the door.

"Did you two fall asleep or something?" Marie called out as she stood outside the bedroom door.

"No Mom, I was just talking to John. He's taking a bath." He closed the bedroom door behind him, then led his mother back into the living room.

"Well, dear I know that you wanted me to meet John tonight, but it is getting late and I think I'm going to go to bed. I can meet him in the morning," Marie smiled at her son.

"That's probably a good idea. John had a bad day and is in sort of a pissy mood. I don't think he's up for company anyway." Dave apologized and followed his mother to a room across the hall.

Dave smiled sweetly as he observed his little girl all wrapped up in a large pink and white, flowery comforter on the queen-sized bed. Dave kissed his sleeping daughter on the cheek and his mother checked to make sure she was properly tucked in. Together, they left the room leaving on a small night lamp and leaving the door open just a crack.

"Mom, I'm really glad you came." Dave said as he followed his mother into another guestroom next door to the room Maura was sleeping in. "It's so hard to get away."

"And now that you have John, I'm sure that you have even less time for Maura." Marie stated somewhat sarcastically.

"Mom, I'm doing the best I know how." Dave answered defensively, his head dropped as he nervously crossed one foot in front of the other.

"I'm sorry Dave, I know that you love your daughter. I didn't mean for it to sound like that." His mother quickly apologized. "It's just that she is beginning to ask about you a lot and I was hoping that you would want her to come stay with you by now."

"I do, I mean I haven't really had a chance to really discuss it with John or his grandmother as of yet, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately." Dave was growing very excited.

"Well, if you want my opinion, I think it would be great." John leaned into the opened door. "May I come in?"

"John!" Dave grinned as he took in the fresh, clean look of his lover.

"Mom, this is John, John, my mother, Marie." Dave introduced them.

"Pleased to meet you ma'am." John extended his hand towards her.

"It's Marie, and don't you forget it," She reached out and shook his hand, holding it as she inspected him approvingly. John didn't seem to mind, her soft touch was warm and welcoming and he saw where Dave got his tender side from.

Marie seemed to look John over, and glancing towards Dave said, "Very nice, very nice indeed," she smiled pleasantly.

"Mom!" Dave blushed a bright crimson red. His mother smiled sweetly and patted him on the cheek. He was used to his mother teasing him about his dates, but for some reason he felt a bit awkward.

"Okay, you boys must be getting tired, off to bed with the both of you." She said goodnight to each of them, pulling both of them into a hug and kissed them both on the cheek. "We have plenty of time to work out all the details later."

~~~~~~~~

The next morning, John reached across the bed for Dave. He was still in that semi-conscious state halfway between sleep and wakefulness. As he attempted to curl up closer to his lover, his knees came in contact with something that seemed to be above the covers. Raising his head and rubbing at his eyes he focused on an angel kneeling in the middle of the bed between him and Dave. Still not fully alert, be heard a tiny voice speaking.

"Hi," she spoke softly. The little girl wore a white cotton nightgown with large puffy sleeves and had long curly dark brown hair, which was messy from sleep. Her bright emerald eyes sparkled as she shyly leaned towards Dave.

"Are you Maura?" John asked hoarsely as he raised up on an elbow. The little girl just nodded as she lay her head on Dave's hip hiding her face from John.

The bedroom door was open and Dave's mother peeked inside. "Maura come here, Sweetie, you shouldn't bother your daddy." Noticing John awake she apologized for the little girl. "I'm so sorry she bothered you. Is Dave still sleeping?"

"Hey it's no problem, she can stay," John reassured Marie. "Really, she's fine," John tried to stifle a yawn.

Dave stirred and sat up. " Morning, Sweetie." His voice raspy, he pulled Maura into a hug and kissed her. "I missed you so much," he squeezed her gently. "Did you meet John?" Dave noticed him awake and watching them.

"Yeah, we met." John stated a bit gruffly as he rolled out of bed, in only his boxers. He needed to use the bathroom and didn't care who saw him this way.

"Is something wrong John?" Dave asked, heeding his slightly cranky attitude, which really wasn't unfamiliar to Dave. John was normally rather cranky when awakened unexpectedly.

"No, I just need to get up." He walked into the bathroom closing the door behind him. He hadn't really meant to sound so put out, it had just came out that way.

Dave got out of bed, picked Maura up and handed her to his mother. "Mom can you take her for a minute and give us a little privacy?"

"Sure Dave, I'll just get her dressed and take her downstairs and see about getting her some breakfast. Corrine is a very nice lady and she told me last night that we could come down for breakfast whenever we were ready." Marie gathered Maura into her arms and closed the door behind her.

John came out of the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You want to join me in the shower?" Dave offered. "Or are you still too sore?"

"I'm still tired." John groaned as he crawled back into bed. "My back is killing me. I think I tweaked it again." He curled up into a ball hugging his pillow.

"Okay, John lie down." Dave opened up a cabinet below the nightstand and brought out a bottle of eucalyptus massage oil. Pouring a generous amount onto his hands, Dave warmed the oil a bit and began working it into John's back. Within a few minutes, John had fallen back to sleep.

Dave joined his mother and Maura for breakfast. Millicent had also come down and joined them for coffee as she had a breakfast engagement.

"Where's John?" She asked, noticing his absence.

Dave told her that he was still asleep. He had already explained to his mother about John's back problem and his most recent injuries and the fact that John did not want his grandmother worrying herself over it, so they just left it at that.

~~~~~~~~

John slept for another couple of hours while Dave took his mother and Maura for a walk around the grounds of the vast estate. They went out the front door, through the front driveway and walked along a graveled road that passed by the garage. They stood and admired the view as Dave pointed out that the road went down to a small private lake.

From the hill behind the garage they could see that across the lake was a wooded area filled with evergreens of all varieties. There was a small cabin down there that John had told Dave his grandfather had had built for him and his cousins to use in the summer. There was also a boathouse and a dock.

They could see that the road circled around the front of the lake and to the back of the property, through the wooded area. They walked along a path behind the garage next to a lengthy, high hedge that brought them around to the far back of the very large back yard. Entering through an ornate wrought iron garden gate, they were in the far back section of the yard, where there was a rather large gazebo surrounded by well-manicured rose bushes. Large shade trees dotted the yard, giving it a cool, comforting feeling. Park benches and a couple of ornamental statues also decorated the yard along with the broken birdbath that had yet to be replaced.

Walking closer to the back of the house they saw a heated swimming pool surrounded by concrete stone walks and benches. Several chase lounges were scattered over one end of the pool area, and there was also a covered patio area with small round picnic tables.

On the other side of the yard, closer to the house, was a fabulous flower garden.

"You have to come out here at night, it's really beautiful with all the lights on," Dave pointed out as his mother admired the huge estate. He put Maura down and let her run around, warning her to stay away from the pool.

"Sometimes, John and I sneak out here to the gazebo at night, "he confessed, his face turning pink as he smiled and looked away.

"You really love him, don't you, Dave?" Marie asked as she noticed Dave's nervousness.

"Yeah, I think I do," he blushed. He had been so surprised that his mother had so easily accepted him being with John, but what seemed to surprise him even more were his own reactions to talking with her about John as a lover. He had always had a very open relationship with his mom and could easily talk to her about his girlfriends. Why should this be any different?

"David, honey, if he makes you happy and you love him, then don't worry about what others might think. You don't need the world's approval." She drew him close to her and hugged him.

"What about Maura? How do I explain.this.I mean." He found himself at a loss for words.

"Don't worry, when the time comes, you'll know," Marie reassured him.

"Mom, what about my father, what if I turn out to be like him?" Dave swallowed hard, bitterly remembering the abuse that he had endured for years at the hands of his old man.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry," Marie took him into her arms and held him close. "You are nothing like your father. He was a sick man. If I had known what he was doing I would have divorced him a lot sooner than I did."

"Stop worrying, you're going to be a good, father, Dave. You are a good father." She corrected herself.

They were suddenly interrupted by Maura pulling on Dave's hand. "Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom," her eyes begged him to help her. She was old enough to go on her own but being unfamiliar with the place she didn't know where it was.

"Okay, come on," Dave lifted her up and carried her inside.

As they waited in the hall for her to finish. Marie spotted a rather large portrait of two very young boys; she immediately recognized those deep dark eyes of John's. "Does John have a brother?" Marie asked.

"Had," John answered as he appeared from the kitchen, coffee cup in hand. "That's Bobby, he died of leukemia when we were just kids," he said with a shrug, still looking as if he just rolled out of bed.

"Well, good morning, 'Sleeping Beauty'," Dave reached up to smooth down a few stay hairs that were sticking up.

"I thought 'Sleeping Beauty' was a girl," Maura gave them a rather puzzled look, which caused them all to burst out laughing.

"It's just an expression, Sweetie," Dave explained to her as John led them all into the family living room.

"Feel better?" Dave asked as the two of them sat together on the sofa. Marie took the Barcalounger as Maura crawled onto Dave's lap. John nodded as he sipped the hot liquid. Dave could see that he still wasn't quite awake yet.

"I understand you had a rather rough day yesterday?" Marie questioned with interest. John just glared at Dave questioningly, somewhat embarrassed. He didn't want to explain to Dave's mother what had happened.

"I'm fine thank you, but I would rather not talk about it," he remarked sheepishly.

"I do have to ask you boys, how do you plan to take care of Maura with the kind of hours you boys keep?"

Dave looked rather disturbed as it occurred to him that he had never really thought about it.

"We hire a nanny," John stated as if it was the natural thing to do. "I mean lots of people raise kids using baby-sitters, daycare, nursemaids, whatever." John stopped when he saw the look on each of their faces.

"What?" John looked back at Dave, afraid that he had said something wrong.

"No, no, I mean yeah, that sounds like a cool idea," Dave agreed. He really didn't have a clue and needed all the help he could get. Especially since he knew that if his mom didn't agree, that she would not relinquish custody of Maura to him. Dave had willing agreed to give up custody of her after Diane's death, because he knew that he wasn't able to raise her on his own. He had thought at the time that it was for the best, even though he still did everything he could to make sure Maura knew that he still loved her very much.

"You realize that it takes time to find a reputable nanny." Marie offered to help them to find someone suitable.

"I'm sure my grandmother can help us to find a service that would recommend someone," John seemed to have all the answers, which only served to amuse Marie. But his eagerness was enough to tell her that he was serious.

"And what kind of services are you offering for me to help with?" Millicent had just come in from her early morning ladies charity breakfast and heard the tail end of the conversation. John sat her down and asked her how she felt about having Maura come live with them. He had mentioned it to her briefly before but wanted to make sure that she really was agreeable.

"John, I already told you that it would be fine." She sat in the love seat and joined the conversation. "I spoke to Mrs. Roberts this morning and she has a niece, it seems that she is very good with children and is looking for a position as a governess." Millicent knew that the boys would need her help and she was way ahead of them. "She does seem a bit young. But she comes very highly recommended. I invited her to join us for dinner."

Marie seemed quite content with the fact that the boys had the support of John's grandmother and was sure that everything thing would work out. She would also be around long enough to make sure that everything was in place before she went back to New York.

6-Supplies and Demands



Together John and Dave had tucked Maura into bed. John turned on the night lamp as Dave turned off the overhead light. Leaving the door slightly ajar they both headed to their own room.

They had all had a rather busy day and were very tired. Just as John and Dave were getting into bed the telephone rang.

"John Carter," he answered.

"Hello, John Carter it's Susan Lewis." She teased him about using his full name.

"Oh, hi, Susan," He shrugged at Dave as he walked into the living room. After a brief conversation, John had agreed to meet with Susan in the morning. He bade her goodnight and returned to his room.

"What was that all about?" Dave asked as John slipped into bed next to him, spooning his body around Dave's.

John had thought that maybe Susan's idea to try yoga for his back sounded like a good idea. He certainly didn't think it could hurt.

"That was Susan." She was calling to invite me to attend a yoga session with her, tomorrow morning before work." John spoke barely above a whisper yawning sleepily.

"Yoga? That's a good one, John." Dave furrowed his brow in disbelief, slightly turning towards John. "She says it might be helpful for my back." John became indignant as he curled up to go to sleep, burying his face in his pillow.

"Are you going to go?" Dave questioned, with a slight jealous tone, missing the loss of contact as John had rolled away from him.

"At this point, Dave I'm willing to try just about anything." John nestled under the covers ignoring Dave's attitude.

Even without being able to see John's face, Dave could tell that he was still in a lot of pain. Feeling bad that he upset John, Dave reached out and began to carefully rub John's back. Starting at the shoulders and along his neck, his entire body seemed to melt under Dave's gentle but strong manipulations.

"Lie on your stomach," Dave whispered as he reached for the massage oil. Coating his hands he straddled John and began to work the oil deep into his skin. Dave's hands were slick and warm, sliding strongly along his tense muscles, working each one, relieving the tightness. John could feel Dave's strong thighs straddling his hips, the physical contact reassuring him of their closeness. His hands knew John's back like his own, caressing every inch, as John relaxed under the touch.

John felt himself begin to drift. He felt as if he were floating, the pain leaving his body as it succumbed to the pressure from his lover's hands. John felt the soft kisses gently making a trail between his shoulder blades. He found himself smiling as he drifted off to a painless dreamland.

~~~~~~~~

The next morning, John met Susan at the community center at 6am. They shared a little friendly banter before going inside. John had no idea what to expect so he just decided to follow Susan's lead. Susan had shared some stories about how Little Suzie was getting so big and how surprisingly well Chloe had done over the last years.

At first, John seemed a bit annoyed at the fact that the light exercises were doing absolutely nothing for him. Susan remarked that it would take awhile to feel the effect as the purpose of yoga was to slowly strengthen and limber your muscles.

It wasn't until John had begun some rather awkward positions that he began to feel anything, but the unusual positions actually hurt more than they helped.

"This is doing nothing for my back," John groaned miserably. He was past the point of this being comfortable.

"Did you try some Tylenol?" Susan asked him, not understanding the implications of her question.

"No," He answered. He knew that he might need to, but reserved doing so for when it was otherwise too unbearable.

"Take some," Susan suggested, wondering why he was being so stubborn about it.

"I avoid pain medication," He argued, not ready to explain why.

"If you're going to be macho about pain, than you can't whine about it," she teased him unmercifully.

"What's with you and that nurse?" Susan asked. She had noticed the way John seemed to watch every move Abby made. She had seen them talking together and they seemed to have a very close relationship.

"Nurse?" Abby was the last thing on his mind at the moment so the question took him by surprise.

"Abby?" Susan commented.

"What do you mean?" He moaned painfully, the position he was in at the moment was hurting his back and he was finding it hard to concentrate. He moved into a position that seemed to be more comfortable for him.

"It just seems that there's something there." She observed, as she watched his reaction, noting that he seemed to be in a bit of pain. 'He seems too young and active to be having back problems,' she thought to herself.

"We're friends." John skipped around the subject as best he could. Abby was his friend, his best friend as a matter of fact. That was all it was ever going to be but a part of him still could not keep from wishing otherwise. He really didn't need someone else reminding him of that fact.

"It's actually undefined with Abby, she just broke up with Luka." He turned and looked at her. He knew that he had had feelings for Abby and sort of still did, but things were different now. Way different.

"I get it. You don't want to be the rebound guy." She seemed to think she understood.

"Not exactly." How was he supposed to explain to her that he belonged to Dave? And that's the way it was, the way he wanted it to be. He just was not ready to share that information with anyone yet.

~~~~~~~~

The ER had been relatively quiet when John was approached by one of his new med students. Stanley had been around long enough to notice that Dr. Carter seemed to have a serious problem with his back and felt quite certain that he could help.

"Dr. Carter, you really should let me take a look at your back." Stanley began to explain all about his alternative training in acupuncture.

John only heard about half of what Stanley was saying, but decided that it was worth a try. After all, Susan's suggestion had not helped, and he had told Dave that he was willing to try just about anything and he was.

"So how long is this going to take?" John asked, knowing that while working he didn't have much time to spare.

"Only a few minutes, you should feel results almost immediately." Stanley encouraged him to follow him into an empty exam room. John un-tucked his shirt and unbuttoned it far enough to be able to pull it up out of the way. As he lay face down on the gurney and pulled the shirt tail up he heard the sharp intake of Stanley's breath as he noticed the twin scars on John's lower back.

"Don't ask," John pleaded as he tried to relax, allowing Stanley to begin inserting the long thin needles into his back, he was soon so relaxed that he thought he could easily fall asleep. He was just beginning to fully enjoy the experience when Abby rushed in and called him away.

Even though their session had been interrupted John was pleasantly surprised that it had actually seemed to work. He would have to remember to try it again in a more private surrounding with no interruptions, maybe even make an appointment with a professional. Stanley had given him a couple of names of doctors that he could check out.

~~~~~~~~~

John was on his way to pick Dave up from work after he had finished his shift. He was thinking about the walk he had taken with Abby on his last break. Abby told him that she had been waiting for something to happen between them. Not really knowing what to tell her, he basically blew her off.

Deep down he was angry, angry that she had taken so long, angry that he had to hurt her the way he had. Here it was the 1st of November and it had been almost 6 months since he had tried to tell her how he had felt. 'Why now?', he thought as he pulled up alongside the hospital.

Dave had been waiting for him, and he quickly got inside of the Jeep, barely giving John a chance to come to a complete stop. On their way home, John stopped at a coffee shop.

"Dave, I'm going to have to tell Abby sooner or later. She thinks that she still has a chance with me and I'm not sure just what I should tell her. I think for now she thinks I may be interested in Susan." John had just finished explaining to Dave the conversation that he had with Abby.

"Are you?" Dave asked.

"God, Dave, I can't believe that you would even ask me that."

"Maybe you ought to just fuck her and get her out of your system." Dave sat back and casually drank his coffee.

"No. Dave, that's the problem. I don't want to just fuck her." John had to bite back his anger at Dave's remark. "I don't want to hurt her and I have made my choice as to whom I want to be with, but I still care for her and I don't want to lose her as a friend. That's why I think I should tell her the truth." John threw a ten-dollar bill on the table and walked away.

The ride home was quiet. Dave had apologized for his rude comments and they had agreed to just drop the subject.

~~~~~~~~

Marie had decided to go back to New York. She had stayed a little over a week and she didn't want to wear out her welcome. The boys seemed to be getting along just fine with Maura and she was pleased with the nanny they had chosen.

After Gamma's little dinner party with Kathryn, they had all agreed that she would be the perfect nanny for Maura. She understood that she would have to make herself available 24/7 and would even stay at the house in the guestroom when necessary. After John and Dave had explained what their work schedules were like she fully understood what was expected of her. Furthermore she didn't seem to be the least bit bothered by the idea that John and Dave were a couple, and still very much in the closet about it.

The following morning, John had make arrangements for Marie to return home. Dave had given his mom money for her to send Maura's belongings. John and Dave both assured her that she was welcome to come and visit anytime she wanted to. After breakfast John and Maura had taken Marie to the airport. Dave had to go to work and John had offered to watch Maura and see his mother off. John had told Marie that he had never baby-sat before and he wasn't really sure what to do. Marie thought that John was so sweet as she reassured him that he was doing just fine. Maura had warmed up to John almost immediately.

~~~~~~~~

In the airport lounge, Maura lay wrapped up in John's arms, together they were watching couples ice-skating on the large TV screen.

"They dance real pretty on the ice," Maura exclaimed happily, tipping her head back and looking up at him.

"Do you know how to ice-skate?" John peered back down at her, with a big smile plastered across his face.

"No." She chimed; her wide eyes stared back at him.

"Would you like to learn?" He asked, smiling broadly towards her.

Maura knelt up on his lap and nodded her head. "I don't have any skates." She smashed her face affectionately against John's.

"Well, we'll just have to get you some." He rubbed her nose with his, causing her to giggle.

Marie was pleased to see how well they were getting along. She also knew that not only would Maura be greatly loved but she would also be well cared for in more ways than one.

Marie said her good-byes before boarding the plane. She kissed Maura and promised to visit soon as Maura gave her grandmother a big hug. Marie hugged John and asked him to take care of both Maura and Dave.

"Come on." John held Maura's coat open to help her put it on.

~~~~~~~~

John stopped at a large department store on the way home. Shopping with a 4-year-old was more than he had bargained for. After trying on several pairs, John finally managed to get Maura a pair of pink ice-skates and some heavy socks. With the assistance of an overly helpful sales woman, he also got Maura a pink and white snowsuit, mittens and a pink snow cap with a big white pompom on top, to keep her warm on the ice. John had the feeling that he was probably going a bit overboard but he didn't mind spoiling her a little bit.

John drove back up the long driveway, stopping in front of the house and turning off the key, pulling it out of the ignition, he took it with him. He told Maura that he would only be a minute. He quickly ran upstairs and grabbed his blades and a ski jacket. While in his closet, he spotted his portable boombox; checking for batteries, he grabbed it along with a couple of CD's.

Before leaving the house, he let Corrine know where he was going. Getting back into the Jeep, he drove down to the cabin by the frozen lake. Releasing Maura from the seat belts and out of her booster seat he helped her put on the snowsuit. The sales woman had shown him that it was just like putting on a coat. After zipping it up and putting on her skates, he carried her along with the boombox over to a wooden bench and set her down while he put on his own skates.

John turned on the CD player before helping her get to her feet, allowing her time to get use to the skates as they walked the short distance to the frozen ice. The music of Van Morrison was playing loudly in the background.

"I'm scared." She clung tightly to his leg not wanting to let go of him.

"It's okay. Just give me your hands, I won't let you fall." He took her hands and held onto her until she felt safe, her little body still stiff and unsure.

"Now just relax." He held her firmly as they stepped onto the ice. "Keep your feet together for me." He laughed as her tiny wobbly legs began to spread apart out of her control. He held her hands as he faced her. Skating backwards, he pulled her along the ice until she got the feel of her balance.

Her knees buckled under her as she began to fall to the ground. In one swoop, John caught her up into his arms before she fell, both laughing hysterically. John held her against his chest as he swirled around the ice. He was her Prince Charming, handsome and graceful as they floated together over the ice. Noticing her stare, he began to sing along with the song.

"Well, it's a marvelous night for a Moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush"
~~~

She was beginning to get a bit heavy in his arms as his back began to remind him that he needed to be careful. He put her down and again held onto her as he helped her to try again. This time, a bit more confident, she took a few steps forward still holding tightly to his hands.

"That's great." John smiled. Soon Maura was skating on her own and John had begun to show her a few simple moves. They had spent almost an hour on the ice before John noticed that she was getting tired.

~~~~~~~~

Dave arrived home from his shift and went straight upstairs. Becoming a bit concerned for not finding anyone around, he went back down to the kitchen.

"Where are they? Corrine, do you know? John should have brought Maura back here hours ago." He asked frantically. Just at that moment, John walked in, carrying Dave's daughter.

"What's wrong with her? What happened? Is she hurt?" Dave panicked as he grabbed the child away from John.

"Relax Dave, she's just sleeping, I guess the ice-skating wore her out." He casually stated, while taking off his gloves and coat.

"Ice-skating? She doesn't know how to ice-skate." Dave shouted angrily.

Well, she does now." John exclaimed, feeling quite proud of himself and of the fun that they had. He didn't quite understand why Dave seemed angry.

Corrine was helping Dave get her out of the snowsuit. "You really should have had this washed before letting her wear, it, Dr. John." Corrine scolded.

Maura awoke from all the commotion and hugging Dave tightly around the neck, she spoke in a small sleepy voice. "Daddy John took me ice-skating."

"You taught MY daughter how to ice-skate?" Dave shot John a dirty look. "And now you have her calling you Daddy John?" Dave yelled. He took one look at John's face and instantly regretted his tone.

John suddenly understood why Dave was angry, he became angry with himself. Angry because he had misunderstood this entire arrangement. As rage and embarrassment overtook his whole body, he lashed out with words. "Thanks, Dave thanks a lot," he spat. "I get it now." John turned and stormed up the stairs. Dave left Maura with Corrine. "Oh my God, what have I done now?" He ran after John.

Dave walked into the room as John paced furiously back and forth across his bedroom floor. John's coat had been thrown across the room along with his gloves. By now the tears had completely stained both cheeks as he made an attempt to wipe them away with his sleeve.

"I am so sorry, John." Dave stood his distance. " I just freaked when I saw you carrying her into the house. I thought something had happened to her."

"I told you she was only sleeping. I guess I just read this whole thing all wrong." John collapsed into a large chair, still feeling hurt, angry and also very tired.

"What thing? What are you talking about?" Dave looked confused as he knelt down in front of John.

"All of this. You, us, Maura, I�I� thought we were supposed to be a�." John again tried to hold back the tears. He pushed past Dave as he made his way into the bathroom. Gathering up a hand full of tissues he blew his nose and washed his face.

"What are you talking about? A what?" Dave was still totally in the dark.

"A family, Dave, I thought we were supposed to be a family. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry for assuming that you wanted to share your daughter with me. And just for your information she called me that on her own, I had nothing to do with it, but I certainly wasn't going to tell her that she couldn't." John walked out of the room and just kept going. Dave heard the Jeep pull out of the driveway as he brought Maura upstairs to give her a bath.

"Why was Daddy John upset?" Maura asked Dave as he tucked his little girl into bed. It had been almost two hours since John had left the house and Dave was really beginning to worry about him.

Maura's question made Dave's heart melt. He felt really terrible that he had hurt John the way he did. He just hoped that John would forgive him and that the three of them could really be a real family.

"Because Daddy was really stupid and said some things to hurt his feelings. When he comes home I am going to tell him I'm sorry and hope that I can made it all better." He leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"If you kiss him that might make him feel better." Maura offered. "That's what Grandma does when I am sad." Her tiny voice, so full of wisdom, made Dave feel like such a jerk.

"I'll give it a try. " Dave smiled as he said goodnight.

"Is that a promise?" John asked as he walked into the room.

"Daddy John!" Maura squealed with delight, happy to see him she jumped up on the bed and reached up to offer him a hug.

After John gave Maura a big hug and kissed her on the forehead he proceeded to tuck her back in.

Dave took John's hand and gave him a kiss. "I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Forgive me?"

John kissed Dave back as they both looked to see Maura was already fast asleep.

7-If I Should Fall From Grace



John had finally talked Dave into at least getting his driver's license. Dave had let it expire after his "accident" and had never bothered to renew it. John spent as much time as possible having Dave drive around the city. He would pick Dave up from work and then make him drive home. Some mornings Dave would drive John to work and take the jeep himself. He was getting more and more comfortable driving but he still would not drive with Maura in the car.

~~~~~~~~

Dave was still asleep when John was getting ready for work. It was always like this. It was rare that they ever had a day off together. They had arranged for Kathryn to come watch Maura so Dave could get some sleep.

John was running late as he finished buttoning and tucking in his shirt on his way downstairs to get something for breakfast. Corrine was on vacation and Millicent had hired Ms. Allison to take her place. John did not like her much and she didn't seem to like him or Dave either, but she liked Maura so that was the important thing.

When John entered the dining room, Gamma was arguing with Algier over the car.

"Did I miss something?" John was pouring a cup of coffee.

"Breakfast." Ms. Allison began to clear away the breakfast dishes.

Grabbing a piece of cold toast, John glared at the woman as he continued his conversation with his grandmother. He was putting on his jacket and getting ready to leave for work when Gamma fainted. With Algier's help, he managed to get her into the car and take her to the hospital.

~~~~~~~~ John spent the morning tending to his grandmother. After having several tests done, he found out that she had Shy-Drager Syndrome. After several hours of waiting and testing, she insisted on going home. John tried to convince her otherwise but Gamma was stubborn.

As a physician, Susan reminded John, he was also under obligation to inform the DMV and have her driving privileges revoked.

Gamma was so upset when he told her that she took off in the Jaguar. She even called John on her cell phone only to rant on and on about how she was perfectly fine and she didn't need anyone telling her what she could and couldn't do.

"Gamma, because you cannot drive, because you could black out. No. I� I'm sorry. No, I'm not�. No, I'm not." John was on the phone with her, until she had hung up on him.

"She doesn't want to quit driving?" Susan asked as she saw him sitting behind the desk, he had just placed the receiver in its cradle.

"She just called me from the car. She's been driving around for 2 hours just to prove me wrong." John knew all too well, where he had acquired his stubborn streak. He just sat there totally frustrated about the entire situation.

Susan began to laugh, not knowing what to do to help him.

"It's not funny. She could hurt herself or somebody else." He stated seriously.

"What are you going to do?" She asked.

"What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Call the cops on my grandmother? You already made me call the DMV." He was becoming more and more agitated.

"Me? Don't make me the bad guy." Susan had only been trying to help but she also had to make him do the right thing.

"I need to go home and wait for her," he explained, still sitting in total frustration.

"I could wait with you," Susan offered, seeing that he was clearly upset over the entire ordeal.

"Yeah?" 'That had come out of nowhere,' he thought, but not a bad idea after all.

John knew that Dave would still be at work by the time he got home. He really needed someone to talk to and he had already made up his mind that he needed to have a talk with Susan about why he avoided any form of painkillers. She had been rather insistent on trying to get him to take some Tylenol for his back pain.

Susan followed John home, parking in front of the house, as he had instructed her to. He parked his jeep in the garage and they went into the house through the kitchen. John had told her that he needed to check on something and that he would be right down.

Maura was curled up on the couch under the watchful eye of Kathryn. She jumped up and ran to meet him when he came in.

"Hey Sweetie, how are you?" He picked her up and they rubbed noses. Sitting with her on his lap, they spent a few minutes talking together. He briefly filled Kathryn in on what was going on and asked her if she would mind staying with Maura while he went down to wait for his grandmother.

~~~~~~~~

Meeting Susan in the dining room, he offered her a tour of the grounds.

"It's dark outside, Carter," Susan protested.

"There are lights," he told her. "What are you afraid of, the boogie man? Because, I don't think he could make it past the security," he teased.

"Funny, Carter." Susan laughed as they walked out by the pool. The magnitude and beauty of the place overwhelmed her. Even in the dark she could see how grand it was. She had always known Carter was from wealth but had never imagined it being like this. He just didn't seem like the type of guy who grew up in a mansion, much less on an estate. Carter was just so 'down to earth'.

The light luminating off the water entranced him as he wandered around the pool. His mind was completely on Gamma as he worried about where she could be.

"Today you told that girl that you knew what it was like to need help when you least wanted it. What did you mean by that, Carter?" Susan asked, remembering how upset John had seemed when the girl panicked. He had backed away, obviously affected more than normal by her reactions.

John's mind pulled back to what Susan was asking. 'What had he meant by that?' he asked himself. Could he tell her the truth? Would she look at him the same if he did?

He stared at her pensively for a moment and ran his hand across his forehead. She could sense that he was gathering his thoughts to tell her something rather important.

He continued wandering around, thinking of how he was going to explain to her what had happened to him. He was a bit nervous but if anyone would understand his side of what happened, maybe Susan would.

"I'm not really sure where to start." He confessed, shrugging. "I don't know if you've heard about the stabbings that happened two years ago in the ER?" He asked, needing to know how much she already knew.

"Uh, what stabbings?" She asked, confused. He looked at her and shook his head. This would be harder than he thought.

"It was Valentine's Day. The place was all done up for the holiday, you know. Hearts everywhere. Abby was a new med student back then and she had an elderly patient who was dying. Abby was terrified so I helped her out. See, I'd treated the woman's husband a while ago so she was already familiar with me. Well, Abby had no experience at all with terminal patients. She wanted to try all these drastic measures to save the poor old woman and I kept having to stop her. I kept asking her if that was what the woman wanted." Carter paused as the memories slowly came back to him.

"In the meantime, I had another med student who used to drive me nuts. Lucy Knight. I guess you could say we had a bit of a personality conflict." He laughed nervously at the mention of her.

"Her patient presented with a headache. Lucy had determined that he didn't have a fever, and had no history of migraines, so I assumed that she could handle his treatment on her own." He noticed Susan quietly watching him with interest.

"By the time I got around to checking up on her, the guy was altered and vomiting. I got upset that she hadn't told me sooner. We started an LP. I thought he was out, but he woke up in the middle of the procedure. I held him down and insisted that she continue." He sat on the bench across from her as he continued his story.

"Lucy checked the guy out and discovered he'd had been acting 'strangely' for the last couple of months and acting paranoid. Lucy thought the guy was schizophrenic, so I told her to call Psych and blew her off. I went back to check on Abby."

"Mark found him wandering out in the hallway, and yelled at me for not keeping more of an eye on my student. I in turn, yelled at Lucy for not keeping him in his room. I didn't want her to make me look bad. I went back to Abby to find out that her patient had died."

"By this time, I was aggravated that Lucy was spending so much time with this guy. He was still in the ER when he should have been transferred to Psych. I yelled at her again, telling her she had other patients."

"I was worried about Abby, thinking Lucy had been around long enough to handle this guy on her own. Abby took the woman's death kind of hard and we talked for a while on the roof."

"Finally, we decided to go and join the Valentine's party downstairs. Everyone was dancing and the music was really loud. Then I realized that one of the patients that Lucy was supposed to have seen was still waiting. I became angry, so I went looking for her." John had gotten up and began pacing again.

"When I went into the room, the light was off. I didn't see anyone in there, but there was a Valentine card on the floor. I picked it up. I didn't realize what was happening."

"I remember collapsing onto the floor in so much pain. I have never felt pain like that before. Then I saw Lucy on the other side of the bed. She was on the floor, covered in blood." He paused, his voice cracking. He forced himself to continue. "She was so pale. She was staring straight at me and I could see that she was terrified. I'll never forget those eyes as long as I live."

"I came to in the trauma room. I could see them working on Lucy in the next room. I really don't remember much, except that Deb told me that I had been stabbed."

"It really wasn't until after I was in recovery that I understood what had happened. I had been stabbed twice and Lucy had died. My life just fell apart after that. I couldn't sleep. Food just made me feel sick to my stomach. I started to self medicate, then before I realized it, I was addicted. I just wanted to stop feeling, you know, to stop the nightmares. I was getting my hands on what ever I could until Abby walked in on me. She caught me injecting Fentanyl into my wrist. She had no choice but to turn me in to Mark. He went to Kerry and they went to Anspaugh. They even got Benton and Deb in on the intervention. Mark gave me the ultimatum. I either go to Atlanta to a drug rehab or I was fired. I quit and walked out. Peter came after me and literally ended up taking me to Atlanta." He observed Susan watching him as he continued slowly pacing.

"I can't believe it." She finally commented. She had sat there almost mesmerized by his story unable to say a single word the entire time.

"I didn't believe it either." He nervously dipped his foot into the pool.

"Fentanyl?" She gasped.

"Figured if I was going to abuse drugs, I'd abuse a good one. "He tried to lighten the mood. He stood up on the concrete bench looking down at her. "I've been clean and sober for over a year," he added proudly.

"You got it out of your system." She stated, clearly having no understanding of the problem. John had assumed that she would know better from her experiences with Chloe.

"I wouldn't say that." He continued to pace the pool yard as he spoke. He seemed to have so much bottled up energy that he just couldn't relax. He wished that Dave were there instead of Susan.

"What?" He was becoming a bit self-conscious when he observed her staring at him, again.

"Nothing," She realized that he was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Disappointed in me?" he asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"No! No! You were stabbed," she tried to reassure him.

"Twice, I don't recommend it." He wanted to change the subject, but he couldn't think of a word to say. He was really getting tired, also.

Finally sitting on the bench next to her, he found himself admitting that he once had a crush on her.

"Used to?" She asked, taunting him.

"It's all coming back to me," he teased. As soon as the words came out of his mouth he wanted to suck them back in. 'Where had that come from?' he thought.

He was suddenly thankful that Gamma was home as he saw the headlights of the Jaguar pull up the driveway and into the garage.

~~~~~~~~

John ran around to the garage with Susan following him. Algier met John as they both frantically asked her questions, while John tried to help her out of the car.

"I am fine. Will everyone just stop treating me like I'm a child." Millicent became furious at them.

They both stepped back and watched her go into the house.

Susan walked up to John. "I'm sorry, John. You look tired. I'm going to go so that you can get some rest." She said her good-byes and left.

John followed Millicent into the house and met with Ms. Allison who assured him that she would look after Millicent.

John wandered back to the pool yard and sat on the bench thinking about what he was going to do about Gamma. There was really nothing that he could do.

Ms. Allison had gotten Millicent settled into bed and John made one last check on her before going to put Maura to bed.

Maura was being uncooperative and had insisted on wanting to stay up. Kathryn explained to John that Maura just missed him and would probably fall asleep right away if he let her sit with him for awhile. John took Maura into the living room and told her that if she wanted to stay up, she had to lie down on the couch and they could watch TV together.

~~~~~~~~

Dave came home at about 1am to find John wide awake. He was stretched out on the couch, watching some old black and white movie while Maura was curled up on the other couch, sound asleep.

Dave gathered her up into his arms and took her to her bed. Returning to the living room, Dave sat down across from John. "Is something wrong?" Dave asked, noting John's pensive mood.

John sat up with his elbows resting on his knees and rubbed his head with the palms of his hands. "It's Gamma, she fainted again this morning and I had cardiology work her up." John paused as he blew out a deep breath.

"It's Shy-Drager." He explained about having to treat his grandmother and how he spent the entire evening worried about her as she was out driving around.

"Oh, man, I'm sorry John." Dave sat next to John, letting him lean against him. "Come on, you must be exhausted." Dave stood and held out his hand, coaxing John to come to bed.

As they undressed and crawled into bed, John turned to Dave and began to tell him about the young med student that he had treated. "She reminded me so much of myself, I just couldn't shake the feeling that she has a long hard road ahead of herself."

Dave noticed that as tired as John was, he wasn't making any effort at all to try to get to sleep.

"What's this really about, John?" Dave moved close to John and cradled him in his arms.

"I'm just worried about her, Dave. She's really the only family I have left." John turned towards Dave and curled himself up close to him as his arms caressed him.

Dave could see that he was fighting back tears as he held him close. "You still have me." Dave kissed him tenderly on the forehead, running his hand through his hair, comforting him.

"I love you." John whispered sleepily as he felt his mind empty and his body relax under Dave's caring embrace.

"I love you more." Dave whispered back and he held him tight until they had both fallen into a deep sleep.

8-Partly Cloudy, Chance of Rain



John leaned contentedly against Dave's heaving chest as they relaxed in each other's arms. Their previous lovemaking had been wild and passionate as John sank deep into Dave, over and over again, abandoned completely to his primal need. Fueled by the soft moans of pleasure, he watched Dave stroke himself to the rhythm of his own movements, until at last they had both surrendered to the inevitable, he collapsed against Dave's chest, hardly able to catch his breath.

It was nearly 5am and John had an early shift but Dave didn't have to work until noon. The pouring rain and sudden thunder had interrupted their sleep and they had eagerly taken advantage of the fact that they had awakened so early.

They were lying together totally sated, just enjoying the storm when they heard a desperate pounding at their bedroom door, followed by a frightful shriek as Maura cried out for her daddy. John decided this would be a good time for a shower as Dave quickly grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and went to the door.

"Hey, Sweetie. What's wrong?" Dave asked as he leaned down and picked up the frightened little girl. Dave grabbed a handful of tissues to dry her tears as he took Maura back to her room and stayed with her so that John could get ready for work. Curled up in her bed with her they had both gone back to sleep.

John smiled as he saw Dave under the pink and white floral comforter with their little angel snuggled in his arms. He gave them each a kiss before leaving for work.

"Love you," Dave whispered sleepily and he snuggled back under the warm covers.

~~~~~~~~

Susan and John had just finished treating a young woman who was hit by a car. Her dog had also been hit and was killed. The police had come in with her and had taken a statement because the driver had left the scene.

Susan had been talking to the girl about her dog and had tried to reassure her that he probably went really fast.

After they had sent the girl for tests, John teased Susan about her concern for the dog.

"He probably went really fast." John mocked her shamelessly, flashing her a toothy grin as he removed his gloves.

"She was upset," Susan replied, somewhat annoyed at his teasing.

Amused by Susan's serious attitude, John was beginning to tell her that the girl had more serious problems to worry about rather than a dead dog. But Susan just continued her explanation.

"It can be traumatic to lose a pet." She curtly replied back.

"What was his name?" John smiled, realizing that she must have had a similar experience at some time.

"Who?" Susan looked at him a bit confused at what he was talking about.

"Your dog," He asked

"Happy," Susan answered. "He was a Lhasa Apso and he got hit by a car when I was eleven.

"Ohhh� did he go really fast?" John whimpered coyly as he continued his childish teasing.

John was getting ready to take a break when he saw Algier running into the hospital, drenched by the downpour and hugging his coat tightly against his freezing body.

"Dr. Carter!" Algier, frantically called out to John.

"Algier? Algier, what's wrong?" John ran to meet him, grabbing hold of his arm. His first thought was on Gamma, had something happened to her?

"John, it's your grandmother, I found her out in the driveway, in the rain. I think she may have broken her hip." Algier ran towards John, immediately filling him in on Millicent's condition the best he could. It never even occurred to John that he should not be the one treating her as he turned to run out with Algier.

"Get a gurney," John shouted, his voice cracking, as he called out to no one in particular. Following Algier's lead, John ran out to the car. He needed to see for himself how she was.

"I think she slipped, but there was a cut on her head." Algier explained as he ran along side John.

"She was driving?" John shouted as they ran out into the pouring rain. He was so upset that Gamma was still refusing to listen to him about not being able to drive anymore that he could barely hear himself think let alone what Algier was saying.

"She went out there in the brink of the storm," Algier shouted above the pouring rain.

"Gamma?" John called out frantically as he crawled into the back seat, willing himself to calm down so that he could check her out. He desperately needed to know just what had happened and how badly she was hurt.

"Oh, John, it's terrible it hurts," She cried. The pained expression across her face made John feel helpless, knowing that moving her was going to cause her even more pain. He tried to calm her fears.

"Okay, I know it does. Just lie still," He tried to make his assessment as quick and thorough as possible. He felt sick, knowing the pain she was in, knowing that there wasn't much that he could do for her until they got her inside.

Susan was soon right behind him as she asked if Millicent fell down.

"I don't know," He exclaimed as he continued his assessment. "Her right leg is short and externally rotated." He called out to Susan as his mind automatically shifted into 'doctor mode,' as he explained her condition as far as he could tell. The back seat of the car didn't give him the space necessary to really evaluate her as well as he would like.

"I think I broke my hip," Gamma cried out. The pain was becoming unbearable as her eyes pleaded with him to help her.

"I think you did too. What happened to your head?" He frowned, observing the blood coming from a rather large cut on the side of her forehead. He didn't think that she would need stitches but he really couldn't tell from his current position.

"I thought it was best if I drove home. I didn't realize how much I was bleeding. So I slipped in the driveway." Gamma stammered.

"You were in an accident?" John interrogated. Shock and worry over taking him again.

"Well, I don't� It was raining�I couldn't see� I think I hit a dog." She seemed to be confused.

"Where were you Gam? Where were you driving?" Suddenly realizing that she was the hit and run driver. He felt himself beginning to panic as dozens of thoughts about what was happening with his grandmother passed through his mind at once. Her confusion made him feel very uneasy as questions still flooded his mind. How did this happen? What was she doing? Would she go to jail? No, he would see to it that she was safe.

"It was supposed to be clear. It was supposed to be sunny," She continued. John could see that she was definitely confused about what had happened. It was clear to him that she didn't remember the entire incident and this was really worrying him.

With Susan's help John got her out of the car and into an exam room. As soon as he got her settled he felt himself falling apart. Unable to think straight, he excused himself, needing to step out. He left her in Susan's capable hands. Once out in the hall he drew in a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he tried to gather his thoughts and quiet his nerves. His heart was pounding so hard he though it was going to burst inside his chest, his hands were shaking and he just couldn't seem to calm down. Needing to give himself a few minutes to gather his thoughts, he went to the bathroom to splash some cool water on his face before going back in to check on his grandmother. He couldn't leave her alone; he needed to be with her.

"Hey, Gam does it still hurt?" He asked returning to be with her through this. He was still concerned that she was still in pain, as she nodded towards him.

"On a scale from 1-10�" He was cut off by her answer.

"It hurts, John." She affirmed. Her eyes spoke more than her words as he felt her pain.

He turned to speak with Susan and ordered some pain medication for her.

John told her that she did in fact, break her hip, and talked to her about some tests that needed to be done to determine whether or not she would need surgery. John remembered his grandmother visiting him when he had been stabbed. He recalled the fact that she was the only one that he could share how scared he was with. He felt really bad for her but also knew that he had to tell her what else he knew about her situation.

"I think that you hit more than a dog. You also hit a young woman." John assured her that the girl was fine and that she was being well taken care of. He also told her that he had already called Mr. Stern, the family attorney. He wanted to cover all the bases for her sake.

The news from the radiologist had not been good. While doing the MRI Gamma began to panic and became altered.

"John, John, are you there?" She began to call out to him.

"I'm right here," John replied as he ran immediately into the room to be at her side. The panic in her eyes frightened him. He had never seen this strong-willed woman afraid of anything ever.

"I want to go home," she begged. John hated telling her that this was one time that he could not allow her to have her way.

"Not quite yet, we're not done." He tried to reassure her, buying some time before having to tell her that it was going to be a long time before she could go home.

"Call your grandfather to come pick me up, I want to go home," she pleaded with him.

This caught John a bit off guard. He swallowed hard. "Grandpa's not here," he tried to pacify her, surprised by her forgetfulness.

"Get him," she insisted again. Her eyes pleading with him to obey.

"Grandpa's dead." Having to tell her that was very disturbing. His heart sunk as he realized that things were a lot worse than he had suspected.

Gamma looked around trying to remember what had happened. "Where am I?" She asked in a frighten tone.

"You're in the hospital. You were in a car accident, remember Gamma, you broke your hip." He continued to comfort her, while trying to explain the situation.

"Oh, yes of course, I hit a dog. I hit a dog; he was in the middle of the street." She was still not completely coherent.

John was not sure what he should do after hearing the radiologist tell him that 1/3 of the elderly that go under the knife for these types of injuries die from postoperative complications within a year. After getting Gamma settled into her room , he made a phone call to his father. John knew that he needed some help in making decisions concerning the care of his grandmother. He knew what he would suggest if this was just another patient, but this was his grandmother. He wanted to make sure that everything that could possibly be done was done. He also didn't want the responsibility of making all the decisions by himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Even with surgery she is going to be in the hospital for awhile." John explained to his father. "As soon as she recovers from the surgery they will want to transfer her to a rehabilitation center, until she can get around on her own." John paced the floor of the waiting room as he spoke to his father. He was doing his best to explain all the options and probabilities in layman's terms so that his father would understand what was going on. He just couldn't bring himself to admit that she was really worse that he wanted to believe.

"Yes, a convalescent home," John affirmed. His father was asking all sorts of questions that he no longer wanted to answer over the phone. Just for once, he wished that his father would drop everything and come home, just because. He had managed to do it when his grandfather died, why couldn't he do it while his own mother was still alive, just for her sake and no other reason?

Jack had informed John that he just could not get away at the moment and that he would leave whatever decisions that needed to be made up to John.

"You are the doctor after all, John, you know more about what she needs than I do. I'll try to make it home as soon as possible." Jack promised.

John hung up the phone feeling angry and exasperated. How dare he do this to him? How dare he leave everything thing up to him and use the fact that he was a doctor to justify his decision?

~~~~~~~~

After his shift, John got ready to weather the storm. He decided to drive over to Northwestern to see Dave. He had ended his day wearing a pair of scrubs, which made it very easy for him to walk into the hospital through the ambulance bay. He walked up to the admit desk where a tall, brunette woman turned and asked if she could help him.

"I'm looking for Dr. Malucci." The woman seemed to be giving him the once over. "You do have a Dr. Malucci working here, right? Dr. Dave Malucci?" John was trying to get her to acknowledge his request, when he heard Dave's voice.

"Hey, John, what are you doing here?" Dave asked, surprised to see him. It took all his willpower not to grab John and kiss him right there in front of all his co-workers. Instead he just stood there gazing at him.

"It's Gamma, she's been in an accident," John answered, his eyes told Dave how worried and upset he was. Dave took him into a close embrace, not caring about the small group of nurses gathering nearby trying to eavesdrop on their conversation. John pulled back and grinned slightly at Dave, glad for the support but nervous about their audience.

"Dave, can we get out of here for a while?" John asked, thinking that if the nurses here were anything like at County, Dave would be the talk of the ER for days.

"Uh, sure." Dave turned towards the women at the desk and told her that he had a family emergency and needed to leave for a while.

On their way out of the hospital, they overheard a couple of the nurses commenting on John. "He doesn't look like he would be Dave's brother."

"Could be a half-brother." Suggested another.

They both glanced at each other and smiled at the overly curious nurses. "Some thing's never change." Dave remarked sarcastically has they walked out together with his arm across John's back. John's arm was draped across Dave's shoulder. He was glad that Dave didn't mind the public display of contact. He really needed that from Dave right now.

~~~~~~~~

They walked to John's jeep, grateful that John had managed to find a parking space close to the exit since it was still pouring outside. John followed Dave's directions to a small pizza parlor a couple of blocks up the street from the hospital.

Dave's shift wasn't over until midnight but he still had not taken his dinner break. He knew that as much as John needed his company right now he also needed to get something to eat.

As they entered the small dimly lighted room, the smell of pizza baking made John realize that he too had not eaten since breakfast. With everything that had been going on, he had simply forgotten about the need for food. The smell seemed to have a warm comforting affect on him as they sat together in a quiet corner.

While they waited for their order, John had called the house to let Corrine know that he would not be home for dinner. They both took turns talking to Maura and John assured her that he would be home in time to watch "The Lion King" before she had to go to bed. It had been a while since Dave and John had spent any time out together, just the two of them.

Most of their conversation was centered on Gamma and John's father. They had long finished their pizza and were enjoying their time together when Dave's pager went off. Looking down at the number Dave informed John that he had to get back.

John drove Dave back to the hospital but told Dave that he was going to leave him the Jeep and he would call a cab. He had no desire to come back out into this weather to pick him up later.

After arriving home, John went directly upstairs. Maura was very happy to see him. She had already taken her bath and was in her pajamas anxiously waiting for him. He asked Kathryn if she would take her downstairs and help Maura make them some popcorn while he showered and change into some sweats. By the time he got out of the shower, Kathryn was sitting with Maura on the couch and they had just started the movie. John stretched out on the other couch. Maura curled up along side of him. Before the movie had even finished, they had all fallen asleep.

After the first couple of weeks of caring for Maura, Kathryn had asked permission to move into the guestroom permanently. Living at home was becoming unbearable. Her parents didn't approve of the strange hours, of her coming and going, but she still could not afford a place of her own. She was glad that with the weather the way it was that she didn't have to go out in it tonight.

John woke to the sound of the TV as the movie had ended and rewound itself. He put Maura in her bed and went to his room. He lay down on his bed just staring up at the ceiling for what seems like forever. He just could not get back to sleep.

Not wanting to disturb Kathryn, he wandered downstairs and into what used to be his grandfather's study. John sat on the couch with his chin resting on his arms hanging over the back of the couch, staring out the window. He watched intently as the lightning flashed and momentarily lit up the room followed by the loud booming of the thunder. The rhythmic beating of the rain against the windowpane was hypnotic. He had been sitting there for what seemed like hours still not able to sleep. With everything that had been going on, he wondered how he managed to focus on anything lately. Another flash of lightening lit up the room around him.

Dave entered the room handing him a cup of hot chocolate. He had heard the soft jazz tune of Jimmy Smith, when he had come in and knew that it was John. Accepting the warm cup, John blew gently on the hot liquid before taking a sip, something vaguely familiar about hot chocolate and rainy nights made him feel a bit melancholy.

"Can't sleep?" Dave rubbed the back of his neck as he observed John sitting curled up in the corner of the couch.

John gulped down another sip before answering. "Guess not." He turned to gaze out the window again watching the rain form puddles in the dormant garden. The wind was beginning to blow more fiercely as dark shadows danced across the glass. His eyes grew heavy as he felt himself beginning to relax under Dave's manipulations.

"John, are you okay?" Dave settled down next to his lover. He knew that all this business with Gamma was affecting John deeply and there was nothing that he could do.

"Yeah." John replied stifling a yawn. "I think I just need to get some sleep."

"I think I can help you with that." Dave smiled as he took John's hand, together they walked up the stairs.

They entered their room, locking the doors behind them. John pulled off his sweats and T-shirt, dropping them on the floor. He was in bed before Dave had finished undressing. Dave crawled seductively over John as he slowly kissed his way down John's long body. He started at the temples licking and kissing John's forehead and down his cheek. Capturing his mouth, he sucked on John's tongue tenderly, slowly, tasting the sweet chocolate on his lips. Dave ran his tongue along John's teeth, pressing his mouth firmly against John's lips, deepening the kiss as if he could not get enough. His mouth trailed along John's lips, then his chin, down to one of John's ears, sucking in a lobe he nibbled gently blowing heated breath into John ear, causing John's breathing to increase, becoming heavier and a bit more ragged. Soft moans of pleasure escaped his lips as Dave continued to move slowly along John's long neck slowly one inch at a time farther down until he reached his nipples, taking each one ever so gently in between his teeth, tugging and teasing. Dave took his time relishing in the fact the he was causing John to squirm beneath him.

"Oh, God," John whispered hoarsely, barely able to breathe as Dave moved to the other side and spent his time pleasuring and pleasing John. His hands roamed Dave's hard muscular body, touching and caressing the flushed skin.

John reached out for Dave but his hands where held back by Dave's gentle touch, holding him in place against the bed.

John gasped with anticipation as Dave slowly made his way down his belly, leaving trails of wet kisses around his navel and downward as he passed his groin and along his thighs. Dave nestled his hand in the patch of pubic hair, deliberately avoiding direct contact as he kissed John's inner thighs. Dave held John's hips firmly in place as John bucked forward trying to make contact; his own hand reached down to touch himself. Dave held John's hands away from himself again as he moved back up to John's mouth. He pushed his tongue urgently into John's mouth as John fought to rub himself against Dave's body.

"Oh God, Dave, please," he cried, not sure how much more of this he could take.

Dave reached for the nightstand and took out the lube. He tucked both pillows under John's hips and proceeded slowing, once again trailing wet kisses down John's heated torso. He knelt between John's legs spreading them wide as he gently began to suck John's ball's into his mouth, rolling each with his tongue. His hands massaged tenderly along John's thighs, ever mindful for where John's hands began to stray.

His tongue reached John's puckered opening as he licked him meticulously around the outer rim. John's movements spurred him on as he pushed his tongue further inside. John gasped as he finally felt a warm hand wrap around the length of his cock, holding him at the base, cutting off all blood flow to his throbbing organ. Dave moved slowing upwards as he licked carefully at John's weeping cock, just enough to taste the luscious juices as his hands fumbled to remove the cap from the lube. Spreading the lube generously in his hand, he worked it into John's opening, slipping a finger inside, stretching and twisting, slipping in another. Dave stroked his own burgeoning cock to completely coat himself with the lube, until it too wept.

"Dave, please," John begged, "please now."

Dave moved closer as he pressed firmly against John, entering slowly, centimeter by centimeter, making perfectly sure that John was ready for him.

John bucked his hips, inviting Dave to take him deeper, as Dave sank over and over again into John's tightness.

Dave watched John's reactions, his own organ now screaming for release. He slowed down briefly, trying to hold off as long as he could. He gasped breathlessly as jolts of electric pleasure raced through his body. Dave wrapped his fingers around John's cock as he slowly stroked the throbbing organ, slowly moving in and out as he felt his need building to new heights. Feeling the tension becoming too much, his own pleasure overtook him as he felt himself release inside of John. Dave cried out as he felt John grip his ass as his warm liquid spilled over Dave's hand as he too cried out.

They lay spooned together, totally spent. John never seemed to have any problem falling asleep when Dave was next to him.

9-Quo Vadis



John had spent the entire morning with Millicent and her attorney. Mr. Stern had met with them in her hospital room. Millicent had asked the attorney to draw up papers giving John power of attorney to make a deal with Jill's lawyers. She also wanted to make sure that John was given authority to oversee all of her medical care and she made some revisions to her will and signed a DNR order.

She explained to John that under no circumstances were extraordinary measures to be taken to prolong her life. John took her hand and kissed it resting his face against her palm as she explained to him that she had led a full and wonderful life and was now ready to be with John Sr.

"Oh, John, I'm not planning on dying tomorrow, I just want you to understand that I am ready, for when the time comes." She gestured for him to come closer. "I love you, John and I am very proud of you." She spoke softy as she held his face in her hands. John reached out and embraced her, holding on; not wanting too ever let her go.

"Uhhmm," Mr. Stern cleared his throat reminding them that he was still there. He only needed her signature on a few more papers and he would be done.

Millicent had also explained to Mr. Stern that she wanted to set up a trust fund for both Dave and Maura and that John would oversee the process. After their meeting, John had asked Mr. Stern to accompany him to brunch while they worked out details of the trust funds and a settlement for Jill.

~~~~~~~~

John had left to pick up Dave from work. He had had another emotionally filled morning and was ready for a bit of a diversion, as he and Dave had planned on doing some Christmas shopping before going home.

Thanksgiving was only a few days away and they had both managed to get a couple of days off before hand. Since they had to work Thanksgiving Day and Gamma would still be in the hospital, they had made plans to celebrate the day before.

As soon as they had arrived home, Kathryn was ready to leave. She had family coming from out of town and had also been given the next few days off.

Dave had spoken to his sister, Camille. She was planning on bringing Marie to spend the holiday. He explained their schedule and their plans and Camille had agreed to come on Tuesday and stay for a couple of days.

Maura was so excited when she saw the many packages, bags and boxes that the guys brought in and piled up into the study. After they had finished unloading the Jeep, John locked the study and smiled at her as she pouted that it was still too long before Christmas.

Dave gathered her up into his arms as they all decided to go down to the lake and go ice-skating. Maura had managed to get Kathryn to take her down a few times and John and Dave took her every chance they got, but they rarely had the opportunity to go together.

~~~~~~~~

Tuesday morning, Dave didn't want to wake from the dream he was having. He was dreaming of being stranded on a deserted tropical island paradise with John and didn't want it to end. He felt the bed give slightly around him. Opening his eyes, he smiled to see John leaning over him softly kissing at his neck.

"God, what a wonderful way to wake up." Dave sighed heavily as he felt John's erection pressing firmly against his. "You are so beautiful when you're aroused, but�.." Dave found himself momentarily lost in a deep passionate kiss, their tongues dueling with each other's until neither one of them could breathe. John had begun to kiss down Dave's chest.

"John�..uhmmm �.. I�uhhh�.." Dave could hardly speak with what John was doing to him. John's hand began to roam along Dave's thighs but quickly realized that Dave was no longer hard. Understanding the reason why, John rolled off of Dave to let him up.

"Just give me a minute." Dave got up and ran towards the bathroom. John followed Dave.

"I'm going to take a shower, when you're finished, come join me." John flashed him a wicked grin as he turned the water on and stepped into the shower.

Dave soon followed John into the shower wrapping his arms around John's slender waist. John turned around to come face to face with Dave leaning over to kiss his neck in the place that he knew drove him crazy. Stroking lightly along John's rigid cock, Dave figured he had made John wait long enough. Spurred on by John's soft moans, Dave slid down to his knees where he could take John into his mouth.

"Oh... God!" John cried as he felt Dave glide his warm, wet mouth tightly up and down his hard shaft. John began to buck his hips, pushing deep into Dave's throat. He had been so hard for so long that he knew it wouldn't take much to make him come. Dave began to feverishly suck harder on John's weeping cock as he felt him throbbing and ready to burst.

"Oh Dave, God yes�" John cried out as he came, holding on to Dave's shoulders. Dave swallowed hard as the warm semen spilled down his throat. He stood and firmly embraced John allowing him enough time to catch his breath.

Dave picked up the bath sponge and poured a generous amount of body wash onto it and began rubbing it gently over John's body. John in turn poured some shampoo into his hands and began tenderly massaging it through Dave's hair as they passionately bathed each other. Kissing and touching, and tantalizing, they were so into each other as they continued to make out.

"Let's finish this on the bed." Dave whispered as they rinsed off and stepped out of the shower. Grabbing a couple of towels he handed one to John. They quickly dried off and threw the towels over the shower door. Making their way into the bedroom. John quickly checked both doors leading to the outside hallway and to the living room so they wouldn't get any unexpected visitors.

Dave had already found the lube and had squeezed out a generous amount into his hand as he waited for John to return to the bed. John lay down on his stomach and spread out giving Dave full access to his ass. Dave made quick work of applying the lube, gently stretching him as he inserted a finger then another until John was begging Dave to take him. Penetrating slowly at first until he was fully engulfed by John's tightness. John raised up on his knees giving them a better position to move together. Dave's hand snaked around to catch hold of John's cock. The sensation Dave was creating in him had brought him back to life once more. Dave stroked him firmly as he continued to pump into John deeper and deeper with each movement until he could hold back no longer. Leaning against John's back he felt the warmth of John spill into his palm as his own release filled John completely. Rolling John with him onto their sides they collapsed together as they lay totally spent.

~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile Corrine was on her way downstairs when she noticed Maura sitting in the middle of the hall cross-legged with her chin in her hands and a frown on her face.

"Hey, why the sad face?" Corrine knelt down to her level.

"My daddy's door is locked." Maura pouted, her wide eyes fixed on Corrine.

"Did you knock?" Corrine asked picking her up.

"Yeah, but they won't answer." She continued to sulk.

"Maybe they're still asleep." Corrine stepped towards the door close enough to hear that the boys certainly would not want to be disturbed.

"Come on, I'll help you get dressed and we'll go down and you can help me make your daddy's some breakfast." Corrine carried Maura into the bedroom and helped her pick out some clothes.

"Why wouldn't they let me come in and play with them." Maura was still upset about not seeing her daddy's.

"Well, sometimes they just need some private time to themselves." Corrine tried to explain."

~~~~~~~~

Corrine and Maura had begun by setting the table and making coffee. Corrine poured the water into the coffee maker and was showing Maura how to measure the grounds. Next they made hash browns and sausage.

They had just finished the scrambled eggs when John and Dave came bouncing down the stairs all freshly showered and shaven. They were both dressed in jeans and colored Polo shirts. They were laughing and carrying on like a couple of schoolboys.

"Mmmmm smells good. I'm starved." Dave announced as he joyfully picked up Maura. "How's my little girl this morning?" Dave asked suddenly noticing the frown. He sat her in her booster seat and pulled a chair up along side of her as John sat across from them.

"She's a little upset with you boys because you didn't answer your door this morning when she came to see you." Corrine offered as she served the boys coffee.

John and Dave both blushed, as they bit back their snickering. "I'm sorry, Sweetie, we didn't hear you knock." Dave almost choked on his words noticing the glare he was getting from Corrine.

"What?" Dave asked glaring back defensively. "We were getting dressed, Jeesh, can't a guy have a little privacy without having to explain in details," he growled.

"Maura what do you want to do today?" John quickly tried to change the subject, seeing that this conversation was beginning to upset Dave.

Corrine had them start eating their breakfast before it got cold, satisfied that Maura's attitude changed to one of interest as she told John what she wanted.

"Can we go see Gamma?" Maura's eyes lit up as she spoke. She understood that it was a holiday time and knew that Millicent would have to stay in the hospital.

"Sure, that sounds like a great idea." Dave said through a mouthful of food. John agreed and said that they would go right after breakfast.

~~~~~~~~

The rest of the morning passed rather quickly. John had sent Algier to pick Dave's family up from the airport. Marie had called John a few days earlier to ask if it would be all right to bring Dave's brother, Eddie and his wife Margaret along. John thought that it would be a great idea. He knew that Dave had not seen much of his family in the last couple of years and wanted it to be a surprise.

"Eddie! It's so good to see you." Dave shouted in delight, grabbing his big brother in a bear hug.

"Yo, Dave." He squeezed him tightly, lifting him right off the ground.

"Oh, wow." Dave smiled at Margaret in amazement as he automatically placed his hand on her very pregnant belly. Leaning his ear close to her as if he could hear the baby inside.

"Hey, Little Bambino, when are you coming out to play with your Uncle Dave?" He spoke to her tummy causing everyone to laugh hysterically.

Dave turned back to Eddie as he teased him about becoming a father. Together they got lost in a conversation and seemed to disappear from the crowd.

John stood back and watched Dave's antics in amusement as he greeted the women and showed them to their rooms.

~~~~~~~~

Later, in the evening they had all joined together in the Billiards room. This had become one of their favorite places to hang out. Kathryn had brought her sister, Michelle over to meet Maura and the men that she worked for. Michelle could not believe that Kathryn lived with two such gorgeous men.

They all seemed to be getting along wonderfully, Marie had finally left the 'kids' alone as she offered to put Maura to bed and spend the rest of the evening with Corrine.

Kathryn and Michelle played a game of pool against Dave and John as Eddie and Margaret sat at the bar with Camille. They watched the game merrily as Camille began to think about how long it had been since she had seen her brothers together. It had really been a very long time. She had managed to keep in fairly close contact with Dave while she had spent the last two years helping Marie care for Maura. She had only seen Eddie a few times, since he was married and seemed to have a life of his own.

She was really happy for Dave as she watched him interact with John. They absolutely radiated affection around each other and their friendly love pats that they occasionally shared made it clear how truly and hopelessly in love they were.

They also seemed to both completely enjoy Kathryn's company. They all seemed to get along well and Camille could she that between the three of them she had nothing to worry about where Maura was concerned.

As the evening wore on, Kathryn and Michelle left. Eddie and Margaret had begun paying a bit more attention to each other, as did Dave and John.

Camille found herself the odd one out as she sat alone on the couch at the opposite side of the room, sipping her glass of white wine. John and Dave were still involved in what had become a rather serious game of pool while Eddie and Margaret where becoming a bit more serious with each other.

John took a long drink of his cream soda as he noticed Camille sitting alone. He discreetly pointed her out to Dave as he whispered towards him.

"Is she okay?" John asked, concerned that she had maybe had a bit too much wine.

Dave furrowed his brow towards John and shrugged before going over to check on her.

Camille had been intently watching her brothers. Their family had always worked hard at trying to stay close. During the times that she had recently spent with Dave and even the few times since she had met John they had had some very close connections and she had always thought that she could talk to him about anything.

Dave sat next to her and asked her what was wrong, be could tell that something was bothering her and he hoped that she would talk to him about it.

Camille continued to watch Eddie. He seemed to be totally absorbed with Margaret and they seemed to be very happy together. She was so happy for him that he was finally going to have the family that he had always wanted.

Eddie was the oldest and always seemed to endure the brunt of their father's 'punishments'. For years Marie had always worked outside the home to help support her children as her husbands alcoholic ways didn't always supply the needed money to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. But she had loved him and never knew the horrors that her boys endured at his hands when she wasn't around.

Dave was a very small child, not growing to his full height until he was nearly out of High School. He had never been beaten as severely as Eddie had but was subject more to the mental and emotional abuse of his father always calling him stupid and worthless.

Camille had always felt guilty because she was the baby and her daddy's little 'princess' who could do nothing wrong. The boys were always blamed for everything and even when she would tell her father that she had broken it, or forgotten to put it away, he would not listen and one of her brother would suffer for her mistakes.

She had always felt that it was her fault that her brothers moved out as soon as they could get jobs and afford a place of there own. Dave was only 15 when he had left home. With Eddie's assurance that he would make sure Dave stayed in school his mother at reluctantly agreed to allow them to move out. The boys had found a very nice little studio apartment in an elderly ladies converted garage. They worked anywhere and everywhere that would hire them and did odd jobs for many of the local senior citizens. Dave continued going to High School and kept his grade up to straight A's. He worked hard and saved his money determined to one day prove his father wrong about him.

~~~~~~~~

Dave sat along side Camille waiting for her to open up to him.

"We have always tried to work so hard to be a close family and I was the one that had to ruin in for everyone." She leaned against him as the tears began to stream down her cheeks.

Eddie turned around to see Camille crying, with her head buried against Dave's chest. He grabbed a handful of napkins from the bar and went to her, kneeling down in front of her.

"Don't you ever blame yourself for what that bastard did." Eddie dabbed at her tears allowing her to stay in the comfort of Dave's embrace.

"But it's all my fault that mother divorced him if only I had......" Camille cried harder unable to finish her sentence.

"Camille, you listen to me," Eddie demanded. "What he did to me was nothing compared to what he tried to do to you. If I ever see him, I'll kill the bastard."

Camille had told Eddie long ago that the reason that their mother kicked there father out and divorce him was because after the boys had left home and Camille had turned 18, her father had tried to rape her. She managed to get away from him and told her mother but she had also told Marie all about how he had treated the boys and why they had moved away.

Dave couldn't believe what he was hearing as Eddie filled him in on all the missing details and continued to hold his crying sister.

"Oh God, Camille, I am so sorry," Dave smoothed her hair with his hand while John and Margaret watched and listened in silence. Margaret knew most of Eddie's past but knew nothing of what had happened to Camille. John had only heard bit's and pieces from Dave, just enough to gather that his father was an alcoholic whom abused his sons but Dave never liked talking about it and most of the time refused to do so.

~~~~~~~~

The next morning Marie had insisted on helping Corrine prepared the Thanksgiving dinner. The two women got along wonderfully as Marie insisted that Corrine fill her in on everything. Marie was concerned that with the long hours that the boys worked that they wouldn't have enough time to devote to Maura. Corrine assured her that the boys absolutely doted on her and between Kathryn and herself there was always someone around to watch over her.

Marie had been pleased with the idea that Kathryn thought so highly of Maura and the boys that she would take time out of her holiday vacation to bring her sister over to meet them. As the family sat down together John had insisted that Corrine join them. She had always been a part of his family as far as he was concerned. John and Dave sat together as they each gave thanks. They all agreed that they each had plenty to be thankful for.

~~~~~~~~~

The following morning was actually Thanksgiving Day. Before going to work, Susan had visited Millicent and given her a bouquet of lilies. After a few not so pleasant words about being allergic to them, Susan excused herself to go get a cup of coffee. She knew John would be by to visit and was hoping to see him. She had been on her way back to look for John when she over heard Millicent's remarks about her trying to impress John. She decided that she had better just leave.

While Susan was going for coffee, John had arrived to visit his grandmother only to find out that she was upset over the fact that Susan had been there and had brought her flowers.

"Lilies no less. What does she think, I'm dying?" Millicent ranted on.

"Oh, that's silly, Gamma, of course she doesn't think you're dying." John couldn't keep himself from laughing at her remark.

"John doesn't your friend know that you are in a relationship?" She spoke softly.

"What difference does that make?" John asked trying to avoid the question. "She's just a friend."

"Well, John it's only obvious the woman is trying to impress you. Why else would she be sending me flowers?" Millicent retorted indignantly.

"I'm sure she meant well." John tried to pacify her.

John was really not in the mood for this. "Well, Gamma, I really need to get to work. I'll come check on you later." John gave his grandmother a hug and kiss before leaving.

~~~~~~~~

As John arrived in the ER, Susan had met up with him as he was headed towards the admit desk. Together they began getting ready to start their day. They were both finishing cups of coffee as they checked through the morning charts to see what was in store for them.

"You could have told me," Susan scolded, talking about the flowers she had sent his grandmother.

"I didn't know," John came back, feigning innocent. How would he have had any idea that Susan would even think to send Gamma flowers?

"Who's allergic to lilies?" She remarked annoyed at the idea that she had gotten off on a bad start with Millicent and now it seemed as though she had only made matters worse.

"She may not have appreciated the symbolism," he declared.

"Symbolism?" She questioned, not having a clue as to what he meant.

"Lilies are for funerals," John informed her matter-of-factly.

"Oh God. I'm sorry," she groaned at the idea that had indeed made things worse between herself and Millicent.

"I just wanted to send her some flowers." Susan pulled a few charts as Mark went for the phone.

"You sent his grandmother flowers?" Mark chimed in.

"I can't seem to get in her good graces." She confided in Mark. He just looked at her wondering why she felt she needed too.

"How's her leg anyway?" She asked, turning back to address John again.

"I think she's still more concerned about the girl that she hit." He gathered up a few charts and started to leave the area.

"I thought that girl was better." She followed after him, also loaded down with charts

"Uh, she's in an upswing. Got a much bigger bank account," He confessed. John had been surprised at the fact that Jill had settled so easily. She had been very understanding of the fact that his grandmother was not well, so he was willing to be very generous.

"She settled?" She continued.

"A very good offer," he answered not really wanting to discuss the finer details he took off to get started.

~~~~~~~~

Eventually things had settled down and they were seeing patients. John had a newly married couple who claimed they had quit using condoms because they were trying to get pregnant. As it turned out every time that they had sex the woman would break out in hives. John was at his wits end when he finally decided to conduct a little experiment.

John decided to explore the possibility that she may be allergic to her husband's semen. He set them up in an exam room where they could have sex and could be monitored afterwards to prove his theory.

John was taking care of other patients while he waited for the results of his experiment. When Susan discovered what he was doing she all but accused him of running a brothel.

"It's not a brothel if they're married," he claimed in an effort to justify what he was doing.

After a while, John stopped out side the exam room to check on his patients. He observed Susan sitting at a gurney in the curtain area just outside. She appeared to be listening to them.

"What are you doing?" He snuck up on her from behind.

"I'm getting caught up on my charts," she fibbed, gesturing towards the pile on the gurney.

"You where listening," he smiled, pointing towards the exam room.

"No," she denied.

"You were," he teased. "You were listening to them having sex." He snickered as they bantered playfully back and forth.

"I am not," Susan denied, refusing to admit it.

"You usually chart at admit or in the lounge." He observed continuing to make fun of her.

"I can chart anywhere I want and I don't need to listen to your porno patients for kicks." She playfully defended herself.

They suddenly realized that the couple had stopped. Susan accompanied John in to speak with them. They had been unable to complete the process because they felt uncomfortable doing it in the hospital. Later that day they had come back after having had sex elsewhere.

John was just happy to find out that his diagnosis had proved to be right all along.

~~~~~~~~

Towards the end of their shift, Susan had invited John to the roof for a coffee break. Leaning over the concrete wall she commented on his patients. "They're sweet, I hope they get pregnant."

"It shouldn't be a problem, an androconologist can wash the sperm then it's safe to artificially inseminate." He explained the procedure.

"Mmmm that's a new one." She teased.

"Just goes to teach you never to doubt my diagnosis." He waved his finger at her.

"Yeah, no matter how loony they are." She bantered. "I can't believe that they did it in the back of a pick up truck."

"They had a camper shell," he smiled sweetly.

"How do you know?" She smiled sweetly at him.

"I saw it," he confessed.

"You did."

Yes�It's in front of the hospital, it's their honeymoon suit," he stated. "Very weird." He shook his head at the idea of them doing it in a camper in the middle of the city.

"Not so weird, a Ferris wheel now that's weird," She mused, remembering one of her own experiences.

"Really?" He smiled in surprise, curious to hear about it.

"I was young, it was my first real boyfriend," she continued, as if it really wasn't a big deal.

"Were else?" He was having fun with her.

"Your turn," she demanded. Thinking that she would like to know just where he may have had similar encounters.

"Camping. Where else?" He asked, trying to keep the subject focused on her.

"In a tent? That's the best you can do?" She taunted. She was amused by the idea that he couldn't come up with some exotic or at least original location.

"On a train to Seattle." Quickly thinking of the last vacation he had taken. He had attended an "Emergency Room" medical conference and during his vacation be had taken a short overnight trip on a train.

"Really, with who?" She sneered jovially, curious to know if she knew the person he was with.

He had not expect her to ask him that and he couldn't very well tell her that it was Dave. Not being able to think of what to say he just quickly made something up. "I was by myself, but it was memorable." He began to laugh realizing how pathetic that must have sounded.

She began to laugh also, understanding that he was not a "kiss and tell" kind of guy. The wind suddenly picked up around them. "It's getting cold." She sipped her coffee and huddled close to him.

"Yeah, we probably should go in." He felt a sudden chill.

"Yeah." They found themselves staring into each other's eyes. He suddenly felt like he was back in med school. For a brief moment, she had made him feel like a kid again as he playfully leaned over and stole a kiss.

"Carter�."

"You don't have any allergies I should know about do you?" He teased her as he nervously rubbed at the back of his neck. Before he realized it she kissed him. He clumsily spilt his coffee, as he became aware of the fact that he should not be doing this.

~~~~~~~~

Later that evening just before time to leave for home. John had talked to Susan. He had apologized for kissing her and explained that he hoped that she hadn't gotten the wrong idea.

"I'm really not sure why I did it. I know that sounds really lame, but I really shouldn't have." John explained not wanting to go into any further details.

Susan had been a bit surprised by the kiss but was even more bewildered by his apology for it. When she had returned to Chicago, she really had not planned on getting involved in a relationship, but then again she had not planned on running into John Carter.

He had been a surgical intern when she had left and she figured he would have moved on to some private hospital, making the big bucks by now.

But there was something about him that she found intriguing. He still possessed that boyish charm and his gorgeous good looks but there was something mystical about him that she just could not quite put her finger on it. The more she thought about it the more she wanted to get to know him.

10-Home for the Holidays



It was only a couple of weeks before Christmas. John told Dave that he would take the El and Dave could pick him up after work.

On the El, John had met Susan. She had been telling him stories about life in Phoenix. As they walked down the platform, Susan had told John that she used to attend basketball games with her boyfriend.

"The Phoenix Suns?" He groaned in disgust.

"Is that a crime?" She asked innocently.

"You root for the Phoenix Suns?" He teased her mercilessly.

"I didn't pay much attention to basketball until I lived there." She defended herself.

"But you grew up in Chicago," he reminded her.

"I dated a guy with season tickets." Susan thought that this was probably not the best subject to talk to a guy about, since she really didn't know anything about the various teams.

"And you didn't pay attention to the Bulls?" John asked, thinking that she should have at least recognized that they were Chicago's home team.

Their friendly banter had led to John buying her breakfast. More like coffee and whatever from the roach coach. As Susan was making her selections, John's cell phone rang.

"Hello," he paused. "Hey, how was your flight?" John asked, he knew that his father was returning to his home in New York from Europe.

"Uh yeah, no, she was walking around a little yesterday. I'm meeting her for lunch. You want to hook up there? What's that?" He was having difficulty hearing over the cell phone

"Would you grab me a bagel," he asked Susan while still on the phone.

"Really �No, that's great, so I'll see you there." John spoke enthusiastically.

"They're staying for the holidays." John smiled a bit surprised as he shared the news with Susan.

"Your parents?" Susan asked. She had never heard John speak much about his family.

"First time in 9 years," he answered stunned and excited at the idea of spending a Christmas with his parents.

His father had informed him that they would be there around the 17th and would stay through New Years.

~~~~~~~~

On Dec-17 John's father was due to arrived in Chicago. John was a bit nervous because he had never told his father about Dave and now Maura. Dave had offered to take Maura and stay in a hotel while his father was in town but John wouldn't hear of it.

John was pacing in the living room when the phone rang. It was his father informing him that he had driven down early and went straight to the hotel.

"Hotel? I thought you would be staying here?" John asked.

"It's late and I didn't want to bother anyone. I'll see you in the morning, John." His father had agreed to meet him at the convalescent home to visit with Millicent. John had to work but he had made arrangements with Kerry that would allow him to stop by and check on his grandmother before having to report to work every morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A martini in first class works just as well and takes a lot less time," Millicent teased her son about why he would bother to drive all the way from New York.

"Well, like you, I enjoy the occasional drive. Gives you enough time to clear your head." Jack explained that he didn't mind the drive.

Millicent and Jack were having a conversation about his arrival when John walked in the room.

"Hey, Dad," John greeted his father enthusiastically with a handshake and a hug.

"Did you know that your father has been here since last night?" Millicent asked John as he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah, late last night and went straight to the hotel."

"Oh God, am I dying?" Millicent bantered.

"Rigor mortis hasn't set in yet," Jack teased. John was mortified by his remark, as he stood with his mouth open.

"Why else would my son, dare to spend Christmas with us." Millicent continued her friendly assault.

"Mom's coming too," John's excitement quickly returned.

"Ahhh I knew there was a catch," she snarled at the mention of Eleanor.

"Eleanor will be here later this week," Jack informed his mother.

"You'll stay at the house until then," Millicent asked. As long as he was going to be home he might as well spend some time with his family.

"Sure why not," Jack reassured her that he would.

"Believe it or not, she's thrilled," John told his father as he held the door as they left.

John had to return to work, but agreed to meet his father later for lunch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John strolled into Doc Magoo's about a half an hour later than expected. His father didn't seem surprised at his tardiness. Sitting at the counter, he fidgeted with the menu. His father made small talk about the selections.

"Burgers are good." John offered, finding himself at a loss for words.

"You already know what you want? I'm still working on what to drink." Jack continued to study the menu. John knew exactly what his father had meant by that comment as Doc Magoo's did not serve alcohol.

"This is nice, it's been awhile." John tried to ease his tension.

"Since we had lunch together, or Christmas?" Jack asked feeling the lost years between them.

"Both." John stated not receiving a response. " So what kind of business keeps Mom in Costa Rica in December?" Curious to know why his mother wasn't there, also.

"How's the chopped salad?" Jack asked in an attempt to change the subject.

John was becoming annoyed at his father's avoidance. "She broke her hip, Dad. Mom can't see her in the hospital for five minutes?" Feeling a bit irritated John continued his interrogation. "She's going to avoid her the whole month?"

"Your mother's not coming, John, we're getting divorced." Jack had not planned on bringing this subject up just yet.

"What? Divorced?" John had been taken completely by surprise. Jack seemed a bit uncomfortable with talking about this in such a public place.

The waitress had come and taken their orders. Jack attempted to change the subject again.

"So I hear that you have a 'friend' living at the house with you," Jack asked.

"What?" John suddenly looked around to make sure that no one heard him. "How? I mean who told you?" John whispered.

Jack was amused by John's embarrassment.

"Relax, John, your mother and I have known about Dave for quite some time." Jack realized that this was making John even more uncomfortable. "Oh my God, you're not 'out', are you?" He whispered in surprise and silently chuckled.

"No!" John looked around again nervously. "Let's not talk about this here please." John grabbed his beeping pager thankful for a way out. "Dad I have to go." John picked up his coat and began to flip through his wallet.

"I'll get this," Jack said. "I'll see you at the house tonight?" He asked as watched his son walking towards the door.

"Yeah, sure, of course." John called back in his direction before leaving.

~~~~~~~~

Shortly after his lunch with John, Jack had arrived at the house. After he had settled into his room, he changed out of his suit into something a bit more casual. Jack was on his way back downstairs when he heard giggling coming from one of the rooms down the hall. As he turned the corner he realized that on the left was no longer two separate doors but one large double door that was wide open. Standing just inside the large room he saw a young woman sitting on the floor playing with a little girl.

"Where is it?" the young lady teased. The child was trying to grab what was in her hand, which she hid behind her back.

"That one!" Maura giggled, reaching as far as her tiny arms would let her. Kathryn ticked her with her free hand.

"You must be Kathryn." Jack said, causing Kathryn to jump.

"My, goodness, you startled me." She laughed, her smile lighting up her entire face. Maura crawled into Kathryn's lap, hiding her face.

"And this must be Maura." Jack knelt down to their level but Maura continued to bury her face against Kathryn. "Maura, I'm Jack. John's father."

"Is the child always so shy?" Jack inquired as he observed Maura peeking out at him.

"Only until she gets to know you." Kathryn smiled and brushed her hand across Maura's cheeks. "It takes her a while to warm up to people, but once she does�" She was cut off by Maura patting her cheek, trying to get her attention.

"I'm thirsty." Maura said just above a whisper.

"Now that sounds like a good idea." Jack answered. "I could use a drink myself." He escorted them downstairs and into the kitchen where Kathryn poured Maura a small glass of apple juice.

"So, I understand that you are Maura's caregiver." Jack began as he and Kathryn sat down in the living room downstairs. Maura busied herself with a coloring book and crayons.

"Yes, sir. I have a room upstairs in exchange for staying here and watching Maura." She explained. Jack seemed very interested.

"So, tell me about yourself, Dear. How did you get to be Maura's nanny?" He asked, sipping on his drink.

"Well, sir, before I got this job, I was living at home with my parents. See, after I graduated from high school, I had spent a couple years in Europe with the family of a friend I grew up with. I can't afford to go to college full time," She explained.

"What is it you want to be?" He asked, curious.

"A teacher in child psychology. I already have my AA but I'm still working on my bachelor's degree. I'm starting back part time as soon as this little one starts preschool and maybe sub at an elementary school for extra money but only when the guys have a day off. They work a lot of hours so they really need me here."

"That's some high goals for a girl so young." He smiled proudly. He was pleased with the fact that his son and his son's friend would find a nanny with a brain. Millicent probably had her hands in the selection process as well.

"I'm not that young. I'm 24." Kathryn stated. Jack laughed.

"Dear, that sounds like a baby to me." He laughed lightly.

"Well, I eventually want to be a college professor but that's way down the road." She smiled, her energy just radiating. Jack liked this young woman.

"So, you like working for John and Dave?" Jack asked.

"Oh, yeah. They are really nice. You haven't met Maura's dad yet, have you? Oh, you'll like him. He's a doctor, too. They are so good together, Dave and John. And they just love Maura. Spoil her rotten." Kathryn babbled on and on as Jack just sat and absorbed the update on his son's life.

~~~~~~~~~~

Upon hearing Dave arrive home, Maura immediately got up and ran to him.

"That's Maura's dad. He gets home before John does today." Kathryn explained, watching Maura run from the room. Jack stood to meet the man his son cared so much about.

"And Kathryn let me color in the living room downstairs!" Maura bubbled, in her daddy's arms as he came in through the kitchen. Dave was listening closely to her every word.

"She did? I bet that made you feel special." He held her and playfully kissed her all over her face. Maura giggled with delight. She was tickling his neck and Dave was faking a giggle back. As they entered the living room, Maura pointed to Jack.

"That man is Daddy John's daddy. His name is Jack. Jack this is my daddy." She did her best at introducing them.

"Pleased to meet you Sir." Dave shifted Maura to his left hip and extended his hand towards Jack. "I'm Dave." John had called Dave at work and explained that his father was planning on staying at the house and that he knew about the two of them.

"Nice to meet you, Dave. Call me Jack. You have a lovely daughter." Jack shook Dave's hand. Good, firm handshake. Good looking, built, Italian kid. Not quite what he expected.

"Well, thank you, sir. John should be home soon. He said he'd be here for dinner." Dave explained, putting Maura down and nudging her back to her crayons.

"Would you like a drink?" Jack offered as he walked behind a small bar in the corner of the room to freshen his glass of scotch.

"Maybe just a beer." Dave answered. "But I know that they are in the kitchen."

Henry, the butler had just come into the living room. "Can I get anyone anything?" He offered.

"Yes, Henry, would you bring Dave a beer, please." Jacked ordered politely.

~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile John was at his locker after finishing up his shift. The news of his parents divorce had hit him pretty hard. He had also seen more than his share of trauma cases that had not ended well. He was just looking forward to going home. Even though he was feeling a bit excited about spending some time with his dad he was a bit apprehensive about talking about the divorce.

As he hung his lab coat in the locker and put on his over coat, Susan had come in also getting ready to leave. She pulled out a small gift box and began to hand it to him.

"Oh man, I forgot." He groaned. Weeks before, he and Susan had agreed to get each other a small gift, wanting to acknowledge their renewed friendship. Back when John was just a student, after one special Christmas, they had gotten into the habit of exchanging gifts on special occasions. She had suggested they pick up on their old tradition. It was a way to hang on to the innocence of the past and was something special between the two of them.

"I mean�I didn't forget, I just left it at home. Maybe we can do this later?" He really was not in the mood.

"Is something wrong?" Susan seemed a bit confused. She was beginning to think that John really wasn't interested in her after all.

"I'm having family problems. It's my parents. They're getting divorced." He added. "I don't think it's quite sunk in yet." He knew that he was rambling but just couldn't seem to help himself.

Susan tried to make him feel better with some story about her parents and how they should be divorced but were still together. The entire conversation just seemed pointless. John hadn't really heard a single word she said as she went on about thinking that this all had something to do with her.

"You're the only thing going right in my life." John said without even thinking about Dave. His mind was focused on his parents, his grandmother and on the rotten day he was having. He just wanted to get out of there.

"Later okay?" John grabbed his leather bag and left.

~~~~~~~~

John arrived home and immediately heard everyone in the living room. As soon as Maura saw him she ran to give him a hug. Picking her up, they rubbed their noses together. Still holding Maura, he reached out to greet his father.

"Dad, I see that you've met everyone," he smiled happily. He felt a bit awkward but his father seemed to be getting along with everyone so he tried to put his skepticism aside.

"That's quite a little, girl." Jack complimented. John nodded in agreement.

Dave stood and was now waiting his turn to greet John. He shifted Maura to his hip as he pulled Dave in for a kiss but as soon as their lips touched he quickly pulled away.

"Would you take her and please excuse me for a moment." John asked as handed Maura to Dave. He headed upstairs.

Dave sat Maura down with Kathryn and turned around to go after him.

John just wanted to strip off his clothes and crawl into bed, but he knew that he would be expected to come down for dinner. He was changing his shirt, while Dave carried on about how he understood that John probably felt awkward kissing him in front of his father.

"No Dave, that's not it at all. It's just that I had a really shitty day and you taste like beer." John scowled. "I guess I'm just tired." John sat down on the bed as he pulled on his house slippers.

Dave went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. John followed him; leaning over his own sink he splashed water onto his face.

"As long as I'm here I might as well brush my teeth, also." John said as he picked up his toothbrush and looked around for the toothpaste.

"Lookin fer dis," Dave asked, with his mouth still full of foam; he handed him the tube.

After Dave had finished, he leaned against the sink watching John as he dried his face. Placing the towel on the counter, John stepped close to Dave as their lips met, they pulled each other close, touching and caressing deepening the kiss only breaking apart to catch their breath.

"I'm sorry for acting so cranky, I've just been in such a crappy mood lately. I don't know what's wrong with me." He was cut off as Dave placed his hand on his cheek and kissed him again.

"Hey, we all have bad days, mine wasn't all that great either. I could not wait for it to just end so I could be here, with you." Dave took John's hand in his.

"We had better get back downstairs."

~~~~~~~~

They had all enjoyed dinner and John was feeling a bit better. Afterwards they all went into the living room. John had wandered over towards the large Christmas tree at the far side of the room.

"I missed you not being here for this," John sighed as he pointed out the tree to his dad.

"Did you cut it down yourself?" Jack asked as he toasted the tree with his glass of scotch.

"Yeah, we all did," John gestured around to everyone else in the room.

"I got to pick it out," Maura squealed in delight as she patted his leg.

"That's nice, keeping up with the old family tradition." Jack went to the record cabinet and began searching through old albums, looking for Christmas music.

Suddenly remembering something that Peter had once told him, John lay down on the floor next to the tree staring up towards the top. Maura came over and lay down next to him.

"This is the best way to look at a Christmas tree." He told her as she stared up at the lights.

"Daddy, come see." She begged Dave to join them.

Jack had just put on some Christmas music and it was rather loud for a moment. Turning it down he sat down and started up a conversation with Kathryn. None of them had heard the front door bell ring.

As Dave lay down, John had pulled him close wrapping his arm around him so Dave lay cradled in John's arms.

~~~~~~~~

Susan had been worried about John all evening. She had tried his cell phone but had not gotten an answer. She had decided that she should check on him. Thinking that he would be all alone in that big house. She knew that he had a lot going on right now but thought that he just needed someone to talk to.

Henry had let her in and led her into the living room. Just at that moment, John leaned in to kiss Dave.

"Excused me, Dr. John. You have a visitor." Henry announced as they stood just inside the room.

Susan stood in complete shock as John suddenly sat up, pulling himself up to his feet. He helped Dave up as he introduced her to everyone.

"John, I'm going to take Maura up for her bath and put her to bed." Dave said as he picked up Maura.

"You'll come tuck me in, Daddy John?" Maura squealed as she reached out to give him a hug.

"Yes, Sweetie I'll be up in a little while, I promise," John hugged her and kissed her cheek. Dave headed upstairs knowing that John was embarrassed by what his friend had just witnessed.

I guess we should go upstairs as well," Kathryn took Jack's offered arm and walked out giggling along the way.

"I am so sorry." John began. "I just didn't know how to tell you. Except for our immediate families no one knows about this." John continued, "Dave used to work at County, that's where we met. We've been seeing each other for a long time, but neither one of us are quite ready for our relationship to become public knowledge. It's bad enough that everyone already is constantly speculating on everyone's relationships, I just don't like people intruding in my personal life." John knew that this wasn't really answering Susan's questions, but he just didn't know what else to say.

"This doesn't explain why you have been coming on to me, the flirting and the kisses." Susan paused to catch her breath. "What was that all about?"

"I haven't been," he denied at first. "I don't know. I mean it's just that it's hard to explain." John began pacing.

"I have really been having a lot of fun with you. I enjoy your company but more importantly you've given me back something that I thought that I had lost." John felt a bit foolish, he couldn't figure out why he felt so nervous.

"You just have no idea what I have been through since the attack. To work every day, with the very people that found you bleeding to death and stripped you naked to save your life." John felt a flush creep up his neck and face.

"I have had to work so hard to prove myself and to regain everyone's trust that I...." He paused momentarily, as he tried to catch his breath. Susan took his arm and led him over to the sofa.

"Well, maybe you should come sit down and just talk to me." Susan sat down gesturing for John to join her. Her voice was so sweet and inviting that it made him feel a little more at ease. He sat sideways with his feet on the sofa so that he was facing her. Susan turned to face towards him as he continued.

"When I saw you again, it was like nothing had ever happened to me. I wasn't John Carter the victim, the drug addict, the recovering addict. I know that it's hard for you to understand but it's been a long time since I have felt like myself." John bit his lip and lowered his face away from her.

"I know that I got a little carried away at times but I haven't felt this alive for so long, even Dave noticed it." John seemed to perk up a bit. "But, I never meant to hurt you. I swear." He hung his head, not able to look her in the eye.

Susan leaned over and placed her hands on John's cheeks and kissed him sweetly on the mouth. "John you haven't hurt me, but you should have told me." She looked into his deep brown eyes.

At that moment, Dave stepped into the room. "Am I interrupting anything?" Dave asked cautiously.

"No, Dave, come on in, please. I think that I owe you two a more personal introduction. " John grinned sheepishly as Dave scooted onto the couch along side him.

"Maura is waiting for you," Dave whispered, reminding John that he had made Maura a promise.

"Would you like to tag along with me while I go say goodnight to Maura." John asked Susan.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world," Susan smiled as they both stood.

"I never thought I would get to see the day when John Carter was raising a child." Susan ran behind him as they scurried upstairs.

~~~~~~~~

It was 6am Christmas morning and John lay awake, thinking about the message that Peter had left. He was leaving County and had wanted to say good-bye. Their schedules had somehow not allowed for them to get together and this was going to be his last chance. Dave had worked a night shift getting home at about 2am. John had deliberately kept Maura up very late so that she would sleep in so Dave would not have to get up too early.

John got up and got dressed. On his dresser was a small jewelry box containing cuff links, tiepins, and a few other miscellaneous trinkets. He took it into the bathroom so that he could see what he was looking for. Finding an old El token, he slipped it in his pocket and wrote a note for Dave. He quietly went downstairs and headed for the kitchen door.

"And just where do you think you're sneaking off too?" Corrine teased as he nearly ran into the woman.

"I have to go out for a bit. I'll be back as soon as possible. " He started to go out the door, then turned back around. "Corrine you wouldn't have a small gift box would you?"

"Hold on, I think I do." She went back to her room and soon came out with a small gold box with a red bow on it handing it to John. "Will this do?"

"Perfect, thank you." John kissed her on the cheek. "If Dave should wake up before I get back tell him I'll be back soon." John said as he went out the door.

~~~~~~~~

John's meeting with Peter had been short but sweet if not a bit emotional. He could not imagine what it was going to be like without Peter. They had said their good-byes and Peter had left, leaving John just standing there. How anyone could jog in this weather is beyond me he thought as he walked towards his Jeep. He still had one more stop to make before returning home.

Pulling into the driveway and parking just out side the kitchen entrance, John ran inside to see if anyone was awake yet.

Maura was just getting up when she heard him coming up the hall. Climbing down from her bed she scrambled to meet him.

"Hey, good morning sleepy head. Merry Christmas!" He picked her up and carried her with him into his room. Dave was still cuddled up under the warm comforter snoozing away.

John sat Maura on the bed and leaned over Dave planting soft kisses along his jaw, he whispered. "Wakey wakey my sleeping beauty."

Maura joined in grabbing hold of Dave's arm; she tugged with all her little might. "Come on Daddy get up."

Dave grumbled and tried to pretend to hide under the covers pulling Maura into a hug. She sat up and began to pull the covers off of him but he quickly grabbed them back. John knew that Dave was totally naked under the covers so he picked Maura up. "Let's get you dressed while Daddy gets up."

John helped her pick out her clothes. She dressed herself in a long sleeve pink T-shirt and a pair of denim overalls only needing help with the buckles. She sat down on the bed as he helped her put on her socks and shoes then sat her on the counter in her bathroom while he brushed out her long curls. He braided her hair, had her brush her teeth, and wash her face.

Dave met them as they were coming out of the room, together they headed downstairs. It seemed strange having Christmas in his grandmother's home without her there.

After they exchanged all the gifts, John presented Dave with a gift from his grandmother. Handing him a rather large folder.

"What's this?" Dave asked opening the folders. He looked puzzled as he took out the papers not quite understanding what they were.

"It's just a little something that Gamma wanted you to have." John smiled. "It's a trust fund for both you and Maura." John explained seeing that Dave still didn't understand.

"I can't accept this." Dave was reluctant to except such a gift.

"Yes you can, Dave. Gamma will be very disappointed if you don't." John reassured him that his grandmother wanted them to have it.

John still had one last gift for Dave. He reached into his pocket and handed him a small envelope and he told him he had something special for him.

Dave opened it to find two keys on a silver key chain.

"What's this, the keys to your heart?" Dave teased, tossing the keys in the air and catching them.

"No, Goof. Come here." John laughed as he took Dave's hand and led him out the kitchen door. Parked just outside was a brand new, deep blue Jeep.

"Merry Christmas Dave." John announced. "Come on. Let's go for a drive. I told Gamma we would come visit."

11-Beyond Repair

John and Dave considered New Year's Eve to be their anniversary, of sorts, as it marked their first kiss, and the first night they made love to each other. They had never imagined in their wildest dreams that a year later they would still be together and their relationship would have come this far.

John had made special plans for a romantic evening out. He took Dave to the same hotel where they had first kissed. They checked into their room and ordered room service. John wanted this night to be as romantic and memorable as it could be.

Dave leaned against the balcony watching the street below. He had just finished his shift and was a bit tired, but this evening seemed to mean a lot to John so he was determined to make the best of it. They had agreed to stay in so they could just relax.

"I know that you don't like to talk much about your recovery." Dave sat on the edge of the bed and toed off his shoes. "I know that Abby has always been there for you and I'm glad you have her to lean on, but I want you to know that I'm here for you." Dave said as he fluffed up a pillow and leaned back against the headboard.

"I know that, and you have been. It's just that there are some things that I need to do for myself. That doesn't mean I don't need you." John sat next to Dave on the bed.

"I had some problems myself, back in college. I do know a bit about drug and alcohol abuse. I sort of got in with the wrong crowd and started doing a lot of heavy drinking and smoking pot now and then." Dave admitted.

"Yeah, I tried pot in college also, it just gave me a headache and I couldn't concentrate when I needed to study. I never really saw the appeal." John laughed.

"Well, I tried all sorts of different stuff. My grades suffered and before I realized what I was doing to myself, it was almost too late. I nearly failed college altogether." Dave seemed a bit embarrassed.

"That's how you ended up in Grenada?" John asked.

"Yeah, that's when I met Dianne. One of my professors introduced us 'cause she thought I could use a tutor. Dianne helped me get my grades back up enough to pass but they were still too low to get into Med School here in the states. I had started to take a few of my courses over when Dianne found out about Grenada."

"Any way, what I was saying is that I'm really proud of you, John. I can't tell you how many times I said I was going to quit and something or someone would always give me a reason to start using and boozing again. You've managed to survive your situation without a single relapse. It's amazing." Dave beamed proudly.

"Dave, please. Don't say that." John stuttered. "It's not like I meant to keep it secret, it just never came up before now. I did relapse, once." He paused.

"Really, when?" Dave looked shocked.

"Remember when Deb had her baby and she called me to be her coach?" John asked.

"I remember you telling Weaver that you where sick and I had to work your shift." Dave replied.

"I knew you were pissed off because you thought that I bailed because I was tired." John stood and began pacing. "That was only partly true. I had worked a double shift and had just gotten into bed that morning when Deb called. I was up all day with Deb and was supposed to work the night shift again. I was exhausted and I had this patient; some biker with all these pills, one of his prescriptions was Vicodin. I was in the room alone and the bottle was on the counter. I saw it and I took a couple and swallowed them. As soon as I realized what I'd done I ran to the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat to puke them up. I was a mess, emotionally. I ran to find Abby and told her what happened."

"So, no big deal, right." Dave shrugged. "I mean you did the right thing and all."

"That's what I thought at the time. Abby wanted me to tell Weaver. I was scared and I didn't want to. So she made me clock out and she dragged me to a meeting."

"Did it help?" Dave asked curiously.

"Truth is, I was so tired I fell asleep. I just couldn't stay awake and Abby got pissed, but she took me back to her apartment and let me crash on her sofa and we caught a meeting the next morning. That was also why I was late coming over that afternoon we had plans remember, and I was late and you were still pissed, so I just went home. I just wasn't in any frame of mind to handle your attitude and I couldn't admit what I had done."

"See, that's what I mean, I don't want you to ever think that you can't talk to me." Dave got up and joined John as he stared out the window.

"I don't, Dave, not any more. Things were a lot different back then." John leaned his forehead against Dave's.

They were both startled by a rather loud knocking at the door. John answered it and let the busboy in with their dinner. John pulled out a chair for Dave and got a glare from him.

"I'm not your bitch, you don't have to seat me." Dave laughed as he sat down. John leaned down and kissed his lips.

"Sorry, just a habit I guess." John blushed as he sat across from Dave.

"Did you ever tell Weaver?" Dave continued the conversation.

"Yeah, eventually I did. It took me a while. It wasn't until I went to visit Chase for the first time since the stabbing that I realized that I had a problem to begin with. He was angry and didn't want to see me. I went back later in the evening and admitted to him that I was an addict. It was the first time that I had said it and really believed it." John began eating his steak.

"So what did Weaver do?" Dave asked.

"It took several weeks after the fact, and almost losing Abby as my sponsor to realize that I needed to tell Kerry. I told her the same day I confessed to Chase. It was really hard to face her with the truth and I was really afraid that she would fire me and send me back to Atlanta. She waited until the next day to let me know what she decided but luckily she just put me back on probation and I was back to not pushing narcotics again."

"Oh, well that explains a few things." Dave grinned. He picked up the matchbook that lay next to the pair of candles that were in the center of the table.

Dave got up and dimmed the lights, poured some sparkling apple juice and sat back down and raised his glass. "Well, here's to happier times ahead." He cheered as he decided it was time to change the subject.

Together they shared a wonderful candlelight dinner and made love all evening. They were lying back relaxing in the Jacuzzi when Dave thought that it would be fun to go check out the ballrooms to see if they could find another party to crash.

To their surprise they found that the very same company whose office party they had crashed last year was in fact there again this year. Thinking that this was just too perfect, they entered and began dancing together. At the stroke of midnight they held each other in a tight embrace and kissed, wishing each other a Happy New Year.

When the kiss ended Dave leaned close and whispered. "Marry me." He slid his ring off his finger and gave it to John.

John looked stunned as he gazed into Dave's eyes and allowed him to place the ring on his finger. Dave held both of John's hands as he began to speak from his heart.

"John, I know that a marriage wouldn't exactly be legal but I'd like to propose a union between the two of us. I love you with my whole heart and soul and I want to share my life with you forever." Dave stopped as he noticed that they were drawing a small but curious crowd. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled as he continued what he had on his mind.

"Last year, right here in this very room we shared a kiss that at the time was merely a couple of lonely guys without a date on New Year's night. What started out as a playful kiss ended in a night of passion that opened a new door for both of us. I promise you that I will always love you no matter what." Dave smiled as he realized that he was trembling.

John pulled his hands free and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a gold band and slid it on Dave's finger. "I was going to ask you the same thing, my love." He leaned in and kissed Dave again. "Yes, I'll marry you." He again joined hands with Dave.

"It took both of us a long time to truly give in to our feelings and our desires for one another." John began. "I know that in our wildest dreams neither one of us ever thought that we would be standing here today professing our undying love to each other but I can't imagine my life without you. I also promise to always love you no matter what."

From the large windows of the ballroom they stood together and watched the fireworks as they rained their colors down upon the city.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several days later John had received a phone call from Deb.

"Hey, Deb, how've you been?" John answered.

"I'm fine. I was calling because I need to talk to you but I'd rather it not be over the phone." Deb's voice sounded a bit shaken. She was clearly upset about something.

"I'm bringing my grandmother home in the morning and I have a shift at noon but I can meet you at the mall at about 10:30." John said.

"Okay, I'll see you then. Good-bye John." Deb replied.

"Good-night, Deb." John hung up the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

John had made arrangements for a private duty nurse to be available around the clock. Millicent had insisted that she be released as early as humanly possible. Her doctor had spoken to John and made the arrangements for her to be released by 7am.

Eleanor Carter knew that this was the day that Millicent would be coming home. She had not heard from Jack since before Christmas and figured that of all times for him to be home this would most likely be it. She had made up her mind that she was not going to allow him to go through with the divorce. Under the pretense that she was needed to help out with Millicent's recovery she decided to make an unannounced trip to Chicago.

~~~~~~~~

John had just managed to get Gamma into the house. They had barely gotten in the door when Eleanor came bounding down the stairs. It had come as a bit of a shock to the both of them to find her there.

"I thought I heard someone." Eleanor announced.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" John asked curiously.

"I thought that you could use a hand while your grandmother recovered."

Trying to ignore Gamma's comments about it being cold, John was surprised to find out that his mother was planning on staying. She had never wanted to stay at the house before so why now?

After getting Gamma settled, John came downstairs to find his mother getting ready to leave the house.

"You're leaving?" John saw her putting on her coat.

"The Pediatric Cancer Society called, I tried to explain that Millicent was not available to attend and they managed to rope me in." Eleanor announced.

John tried to explain to her that Gamma had no intention of going in the first place, but Eleanor insisted that she was expected, and had decided to go in her place.

"You'll be back tonight?" Eleanor asked as if she didn't know that he lived there.

"You're really staying?" John asked still a bit surprised.

"Yes, unless I'm not welcome." She acted as if she had been insulted.

"No, no�

As they continued their conversation John suddenly felt a familiar tug at his leg. "Good morning, Daddy John." Maura greeted him with a big smile.

"Hey, good morning, Sweetie." He leaned down to picked her up. She laid her head on his chest as she shied away from Eleanor.

"Daddy?" Eleanor looked surprised. "It looks like I have missed a few things around here."

"Maura this is my mother, Eleanor. Mom, this is Maura, Dave's daughter." His father had told him that they knew about Dave but there was no way for her to know about Maura since he knew that his father had not been in contact with her lately.

Kathryn suddenly came bouncing down the steps in her bathrobe. "I am so sorry, John, I was in the bathroom, I told her to stay put until I was finished." Kathryn tried to explain, almost out of breath. She started to take Maura but she held tightly to John letting out a rather loud scream.

"Nooooooooo!"

"Shhh." John hissed holding a hand up gently against her mouth. "Please do not scream, Maura." He carefully scolded her. "You don't want to give me a headache, now do you?" He smiled at her, as he brushed her hair with his hand pulling her close to him, kissing her on the head.

"It's okay, Kathryn. This is my mother, Eleanor." He introduced his bewildered mother to the young woman. "This is Maura's nanny. She stays here with us."

"Pleased to meet you, ma'am." Kathryn extended her hand towards the woman. Eleanor accepted the young woman' hand.

"Yes, the pleasure is mine." Eleanor smiled.

Kathryn turned back to John. "Well then, I'm going to go get dressed." She headed back upstairs.

"I met your gentleman friend this morning. I almost ran into him. He was running out the door when I arrived." Eleanor tried to act nonchalant about the whole situation. "I wasn't aware that there was a child, also."

"Yeah, well, you haven't really tried to stay in touch." John remarked, not really wanting to get into it with his mother. He quickly thought of a reason to leave. "I should get her some breakfast." John turned towards the kitchen with Maura.

Maura sat at the counter, as John poured her a bowl of cereal and himself a cup of coffee.

Kathryn soon joined them, apologizing again for letting Maura get away from her.

Hearing the grandfather clock chime, John realized it was time for him to leave. He quickly explained to Maura that he had to leave for work but would be home early as he was only working a half shift.

~~~~~~~~

The meeting with Deb had left John feeling a bit confused. He was beginning to wonder if he had made the right decision staying on at County. He didn't like thinking about the fact that Weaver deliberately lied to save her own ass. What pissed him off even more was the fact that she had fired Dave in the process and now to find out that she had known all along that she didn't have her pager on her. If it weren't for the fact that Dave was happy with his new job and things had actually worked out for the better for him, there would have been hell to pay.

Before leaving the mall, John had picked up Chinese food for lunch. He still had plenty of time to eat before his shift if he took it with him. He ordered extra just in case he had the opportunity to share it with someone. Hopefully it would be Abby, he thought. It had been a long time since he had spent any time with her and he really missed their talks that they used to have.

On his way out of the mall, something caught his attention as he passed by a travel agency. On a rack near the door were brochures for various vacations. He picked up one for Aspen and shoved it into his pocket. He had not been skiing for so long. During his drive to work, he thought about how nice it would be to take Dave to Aspen on vacation.

John walked into the lounge to find Susan had just come in. He sat his lunch on the table, still thinking of his Aspen fantasy, he gingerly invited Susan to join him for lunch. He was showing her the brochures when he heard a strange clicking noise. Realizing that it was coming from her jaw he offered to check it out for her. He stood up next to her and asked her to chew so he could hear it again. Embarrassed that he had heard it she covered her mouth and tried to get him away from her as they laughed together, he teasingly leaned over and kissed her.

Abby had walked in and saw him kissing Susan, this really upset him because he knew that she would get the wrong idea and the last thing he wanted was for her to think that he was dating Susan. He knew that she was just brushing him off when she had told him "not to sweat it". Deep down he knew that he had to tell her the truth. Hopefully he would get the opportunity soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Abby could not believe what she was seeing. The moment she laid eyes on Paul Sobriki she felt the fear that they had all felt as the staff at County sat around wondering if Lucy and John were going to make it. She was looking right at the very man that had caused one life to end and another to be turned upside down. She could not even begin to imagine what seeing Sobriki would do to John.

She instantly called security to have the man watched and began to apply hard restraints. She'd argued with Susan about his care and told Susan that he should be transferred, but Susan was looking out for the welfare of her patient and did not comprehend the situation regarding John. In Abby's efforts to keep John away from Sobriki, John ended up coming face to face with his former attacker.

John was instantly taken back to that night. He didn't really understand how it was that this man could be out. Listening to Paul say he was sorry and try to explain the he was sick, but he was better, did nothing but tear open the wounds that he felt almost 2 years ago.

He could feel his body tense and begin to sweat, suddenly he felt very nauseous. He turned to head for the men's room. The only sound that he could hear was that deafening music echoing in his memory. Peering into the mirror all he could see was Lucy's pleading face and those crystal clear blue eyes that would haunt him forever. Leaning over to wash the sweat from his face, he felt a chill run down his spine, which startled him. He could hardly breathe as his stomach suddenly lurched and he retched into the sink. It took him a moment to recompose himself as he washed up again.

He had managed to continue to finish his shift, but when it was over, he was more than ready to get the hell out of there.

~~~~~~~~

After a brief conversation with Abby, John left the lounge and stood outside in the ambulance bay. The temperature had dropped making it very cold as he just stood there not sure where he was or where he was going. He could not seem to remember where he had parked his jeep. His mind was a blur.

The last thing he remembered was Abby asking him if he would like to go for coffee and pie with her. He shook his head at the thought that he had turned her down. He would have liked to spend some time with her. He needed to talk and she was the only one that truly understood. The only one besides Dave, but it was true, he really did have to go home.

Home� yes that is where he was headed, not only because his grandmother would be there but because Dave would also be there, and his mother. The thought of his mother being home made him feel even more claustrophobic. He had been surprised to see her that morning and even more surprised to hear that she was planning on being there when he got home. She had given him a kiss and understood about him and Dave and had even wanted to make sure that he would be there later but somehow her words were not as comforting as they should have been.

"Carter, are you okay," Mark, asked as he approached. He had noticed John standing motionless in the ambulance bay.

John just looked blankly at Mark. His head ached and his mind was a whirl as he tried to recall what he had been doing out there.

"Carter, can you tell me what happened?" Mark spoke calmly as he led John back inside to the lounge where he sat him down. John ran his hands through his hair as his mind began to clear.

"I don't know." John blinked a couple of times rubbing at his temples. "I was talking to Abby in here and the next thing I remember was standing outside freezing and then I heard you talking." As if he suddenly remembered, he started to get up, but Mark held him back.

"Mark I have to get home. My grandmother needs me, please." John pleaded.

"Carter, sit for a minute." Mark urged. "Carter, I should have told you long ago that I know what you went through and I know how hard it can be sometimes to want to forget but you can't." John relaxed against the back of the sofa as he listened to Mark.

"I never told anyone this but I think it might help you to realize that you're not alone. Back when I was beaten up in the Men's room, I was so sure that it was Kenny Law even though I never saw who did it. I guess I just wanted to believe it was him. I think it was the not knowing that was what scared me the most. But now I think it's probably better that I don't know because I don't know how I would feel if I saw him again." Mark watched John as he listened intently.

"You remember you friend, Maggie Doyle and her little arsenal?" Mark joked. This remark had made John giggle silently. He shook his head at the memory.

"How could I forget, I sprayed that pepper spray in my eyes and it burned like hell." John blushed with embarrassment. He had always seamed to be able to get himself into some sort of trouble.

"Well, she managed to talk me into buying a gun." Mark paused when he saw John's sudden surprise.

"Why?" He asked without even thinking. "I mean, really?" John sat upright.

"Yeah, believe me it wasn't a good idea. That morning I almost ran you down out in the street, I started parking out there because I was walking in the parking garage and someone's car alarm was going off and then I heard foot steps and thought someone was following me, I guess I got a little paranoid." Mark shrugged.

"So you bought a gun?" John questioned curiously.

"Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. I had to take the El one evening shortly after that and on the ride home, there were these gang bangers harassing this girl. I tried to pretend I was asleep hoping they wouldn't bother me but they caught me watching them. The next stop I got off the train but they followed me. They were taunting me and trying to get me to give them money. I got scared and pulled out the gun and started screaming at them to back off and get back on the train. All I could hear was their mocking words and myself screaming at them to shut up. When they were finally gone I just started running. I didn't even know where I was going, I just ran away as fast as I could. I found myself on the bridge and I tossed the gun into the river. It was really scary to think that I could have used that gun and maybe killed someone. The thought of even having it was frightening." Mark sat back and sighed.

"Wow," John said. His eyes still fixed on Mark.

"Come on Carter, I'll give you a ride home." Mark offered as he stood and held out his hand to help John up. John shook his head as he took hold of Mark's hand.

"Thanks, but I have my Jeep. I should go." John smiled as he allowed the information that Mark had just revealed to register.

~~~~~~~~

John didn't think that his day could get any worse. He arrived home and went directly to check on his grandmother. He would have rather just gone in and crawled in bed with Dave.

After finding out that the private duty nurse he had hired was not there, he was in the process of calling the agency when his mother informed him that she had sent the woman home. John became so angry at his mother's insistence on butting into things that he found himself releasing all the anger that he had built up inside of him.

"Do me a favor. Don't try to be helpful. It's not one of your strong suits." He exclaimed, trying to be restraint.

"Excuse me. I had enough abuse from my mother-in-law today. I certainly don't need it from my son." Eleanor came back at him, rather coolly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I've helped Gamma through this, I've tended to her medical needs, I've made her health arrangements, so you need to consult with me before you do something like this." His anger was rising. He was not one bit happy about being put in the position of having to take care of things, just to have someone come along and carelessly dismiss his decisions.

"Fine. Call them back." She tried pacifying him.

"I will." He was so tired of all of this. He turned to go make his phone call to have the nurse return.

"But I'm not leaving this house. I don't care if I am uninvited. I'm not letting your father break up this family."

"Family? What family?" John turned back towards his mother.

"Don't be sarcastic." She stated passively.

"You checked out of this family twenty years ago." He had never spoken to his mother like this before, but it seemed like the perfect time to finally give her a piece of his mind.

"I'm going to bed. Good-night." Eleanor got up to leave the room.

"No. I'm not letting you put some revisionist spin on this, with you as the wounded party." John stepped in front of her, blocking her way.

"Step aside, John." Eleanor demanded.

With this, John could not control himself any further. All the hurt and anger that he had ever felt towards her was being released and he could no longer hold back. He grabbed hold of her to keep her from leaving. It was about time that she listened to what he had to say.

"I was stabbed! I got stabbed in the back. Where the hell were you? The same place you've been my whole life. Somewhere else."

His words fell on deaf ears as she tried to explain that they had spoken to the doctors and thought that he was doing okay. She knew that she didn't have a valid excuse for why she had not been there for her only son.

"Well, I wasn't okay! I wasn't all right." He shouted.

"You're going to blame me for taking drugs?" Asking, as if she thought he had no right to blame her for that.

"No! I'm blaming you for not being my damn mother!" He paused for a moment looking at her. "Bobby died. But I lost a mother." And there it was. He had finally said it after all those years. But it didn't seem to matter, she just looked right through him.

"May I go to bed now?" She asked in a shaken voice. Stepping aside, he allowed her to go.

"Yeah, just run away." John sank onto the couch.

~~~~~~~~

Dave had come downstairs when he heard all the commotion, passing Eleanor at the bottom of the steps. She brushed past him without a word as she headed up to her room.

Entering the living room, Dave saw John sitting on the couch with his face buried in his hands. Sitting next to him, he pulled John into his arms allowing him to release his anguish. Exhausting himself, John slid down until he was curled up with his head lying in Dave's lap. Dave ran his fingers through John's hair while he listened to him tell him about his day.

John had begun by telling Dave about seeing Sobriki. "It just never occurred to me that I would ever run into him." John sobbed as he continued to explain how frightened he was. He had thought that he had finally gotten over the fear, but seeing him again had brought it all back to the surface again.

He talked about Lucy and how he would never be able to forget the look on her face, as he lay helpless to be able to help her. It was as if she knew that death was near and her eyes were pleading with him to help her as the darkness overtook him.

Dave began to cry when John mentioned Lucy. He remembered treating her and the horror of knowing that her chance of survival was ridiculously low.

He had elected to help with Lucy because he and John had become friends and he just didn't think that he could handle it. It had been a very hard night for everyone as he spent the night with other doctors and nurses at Doc Magoo's, waiting and praying that they would both get through this.

John had never really talked to Dave about what had happened, he had been there, he knew all about it. He never had to explain anything; Dave just seemed to understand. It suddenly occurred to John that Dave did know what it was like to helplessly stand by and watch the life drain from someone you cared about and not be able to do a damn thing about it.

12-A River in Egypt

Early the next morning John woke to Maura snuggled up in between him and Dave. Apparently, she had managed to climb up onto the bed and underneath the covers without waking either one of them. Needing to use the bathroom, he slipped out from under the covers, thankful that he at least had on a pair of boxers.

He contemplated whether or not it was worth it to go back to bed and try to get another couple hours of sleep or if he should just get up.

John thought he heard someone wandering the halls so he decided to go see whom else was up. He put on a pair of sweats, an old T-shirt and his slippers. He grabbed his bathrobe and headed down stairs. He was a bit surprised to find his mom in the kitchen.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Eleanor asked him as she turned off the whistling kettle. He sleepily shook his head.

"Late shift," he answered, his voice still deep from sleep.

"I'm sorry," Eleanor tried to be cheerful.

"Na, had to get up in two hours anyway." He reached for a cup, still not fully awake.

Eleanor watched as John grabbed a cup and poured it full of coffee. "You don't drink coffee." She remarked.

"Actually, I do." John answered, sitting at the counter wondering if he should have just stayed in bed.

"I distinctly remember you hating coffee." She exclaimed. He pulled a carton of milk from the refrigerator and poured some in his cup.

"Maybe when I was 15." He scoffed.

"It wasn't that long ago." She replied. John tossed his spoon on the counter as he sat down.

"What would you like for breakfast?" She asked. John laughed in disbelief.

"You're offering to cook?" John questioned, gulping down a mouthful of coffee.

"Momentary weakness, take advantage." She smiled sweetly at him.

"All right, eggs." He accepted her offer, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was still sleepy but knew that it wasn't worth trying to go back to bed.

"Have you spoken to your father recently?" Eleanor asked curiously as she took the eggs from the refrigerator.

"Uh yeah, he called a couple days ago," John answered as he looked up at her.

"Where's he staying?" She continued fishing around for information concerning her husband.

"He rented a place on Michigan." John stated.

"Scrambled?" She asked as she cracked the eggs into a bowl.

"Whatever." He really didn't care at that point.

"Do you have his number?" She asked. He nodded his head.

"Yeah." He said, and then realized she was waiting for an answer to something he seemed to have missed. "What?"

"He didn't give it to me." She told him.

"I'm sure that he intends to." He realized that his father probably withheld it for a reason.

"Did he say something?" She asked suspiciously. John was getting rather uncomfortable and didn't want to answer any more of her questions.

"Maybe you should just let it sit for a while." He suggested as he sipped his coffee.

"Actually, I was hoping that you would call him for me." She asked.

"Sure, or better yet the three of us could dip ourselves in a vat of acid." John stated sarcastically. He had no desire to get in the middle of their problem.

"We made mistakes, John. I made mistakes, I know. But I don't think that it's too late to fix it." Eleanor reached for a kitchen towel to wipe her hands.

He wanted no part of that conversation and was glad for the interruption when Dave brought Maura down for breakfast.

"Good morning, Sweetie." He picked her up and gave her a tight squeeze before sitting her on a stool next to him. "Getting ready for school?"

"Yeah, and Daddy is going to take me." She nodded merrily.

"Good morning, John." Dave leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. John blushed as he noticed his mother watching them.

"Would you like some eggs?" Eleanor interrupted with a smile.

"Yes, please." Dave exclaimed pouring himself a cup of coffee and sitting at the counter on the other side of Maura.

"No, thank you. I want Fruity Pebbles, please." Maura squirmed in her seat.

"Okay, I think I can manage that." Eleanor went to the cupboard for the cereal.

~~~~~~~~

The ER had been relatively busy all day, which only served to make the time go by faster. One of John's patients was a rapper, named Diamond, who tested positive for Chlamydia. He came in with a girlfriend who had split her lip. Abby had taken her to have it checked out. In the meanwhile, Diamond's buddy C. C. asked John if he could also be tested. After finding out that Diamond had contracted Chlamydia from C. C. who also had HIV, John elicited Abby's help to draw blood for and HIV test.

Abby had been a bit confused by the slang that the guys used, but even more curious by the fact that John seemed to understand it. John and Abby left the room.

"I've got a lunch." He checked his watch. "Just page me if he gets that number." He asked her, still needing to contact Diamond's girlfriend.

"So� down-low is bi-sexual?" Abby asked, confused at the terminology.

"No. On the side, it's secret." John found himself explaining while he signed off on his charts.

"In the closet?" She asked, more confused than before.

"No. To be in the closet, you have to be gay." He came back.

"He is gay." Abby stated as if she believed it to be fact.

"C. C. is gay. Diamond is on the down-low." John explained.

"Well if he's having anal sex with his friend he's gay." Abby seemed to not understand the difference.

"Not to him, he has a girlfriend. He just sort of gets down with his buddy for release." He answered, trying to clarify it.

"So down-low means denial?" Abby asked.

"Yeah, basically." John stated as they both went their separate ways.

~~~~~~~~

A few minutes later Abby caught up with John in the lounge.

He was getting ready to leave to meet his father for lunch. He was hanging his lab coat in his locker and trading it for his overcoat.

Abby walked in and leaned against the locker next to his and asked him. "So� Carter�. How do you know all this stuff?" She smiled mischievously.

At first, John turned to her, smiling, ready to explain exactly how he had understood but then he decided it wasn't the best time for this. He chuckled to himself. "I'll tell you some other time." He looked at his watch, indicating that he was running late, as he turned to leave.

Abby followed him outside and teasingly asked him. "You're not going to tell me 'you're on the down-low' are you, Carter?" She snickered.

"No!" He felt himself blush as he realized that this would have been the perfect time to tell Abby his little secret if he hadn't already had other plans. "Abby, I promise, I'm not on the 'down-low'. What I am is very late. I'll be back in a bit." He continued walking towards the parking garage, hoping that she would not follow him.

Seeing him pick up his pace and walk away from her, made Abby rather curious as to what he would later tell her about all this. She was definitely going to find out.

~~~~~~~~

John arrived at the airport lounge a bit late. He pulled off his scarf and tapped his father on the shoulder. He knew that he would find him at the bar.

"Sorry, I was looking for a place to park." John explained as he took off his overcoat.

"You want a drink? I'm boarding. I should be boarding now." Jack sat back for another moment, putting his tickets back into his pocket.

"Oh, no, thank," John answered. His father still didn't seem to realize that he no longer drank.

"So what's so urgent?" Jack asked.

"Nothing really, just checking in." John hung his coat on the back of the chair and sat down. "So how's the new place?"

"Sparsely furnished, but there's something to be said for that." Jack sipped on his glass of Scotch.

"For sparseness." John smiled.

"Clarity. If I'd known your mother was moving into the house I would have taken some of the New York furniture." Jack added.

"Yeah, she mentioned to me that she doesn't have your new number." John said as he popped a few peanuts in his mouth. He had expected to have lunch and was hungry. "You should give her a call and check in."

"Why?" Jack asked.

"You're married to her." John answered, hoping that his father would at least try to talk with his mother.

"She wants to negotiate. I don't know when she started looking at life the way other people look at the stock reports but it's over." Jack stated.

"I don't think that she shares that assessment." John added.

"So you're her ambassador now." Jack asked.

"Noooo, I'm just suggesting that you take time and make sure this is what you want." John offered his advice.

"I do, thanks to you." Jack looked towards John.

"Me?" John looked surprised.

"I was part of this lie, this illusion, we were living in order to hold it together. It took losing dad and what you said to see that I was lost. Can't find my way back with her." Jack gulped down his drink.

"I don't know, I've never ever seen her reach out like this before." John shook his head as he tried to sound positive.

"That's my flight." Jack got up and gathered up his coat as he heard the announcement. "Careful, John, she's an emotional vampire." Jack said as he walked away.

John just sat for a few more minutes contemplating the fact that his father seemed set in his endeavor. It seemed strange that after all the years that they had been together that their marriage would end like this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After John returned to work, Abby noticed that John was avoiding her like the plague. Whenever she was in a situation with him he just acted very professional and found some excuse to ditch her. Towards the end of his shift she found him finishing up some chart reviews in the suture room.

"So did you hear about Dr. Weaver?" Abby asked him, knowing that he was out of the hospital while Sandy was there.

"Yeah." John got up and started gathering up his charts. He really just wanted to get out of there and go home.

"Carter, you have been avoiding me ever since you came back from lunch." She watched him as he fumbled with the charts, dropping one onto the floor.

"Abby, uhh. We need to talk, but not here. Can you come by the house tomorrow afternoon?" John asked as he managed to get all his charts picked up and headed towards the admit desk to check out for the day.

"I'm off at 3 o'clock tomorrow, I'll drop by after my sift." She announced.

"That'll be perfect." He finished putting his charts away and headed for the lounge.

Abby had never seen John act so uncomfortable around her before.

~~~~~~~~

John came home to find his mother had been drinking and was upset over a young cancer patient she had met at the cancer center where she had recently been volunteering. After coming home she had gotten in the middle of an argument between Millicent and her physical therapist which ended with Millicent asking her to leave the house.

Eleanor had proceeded to take a couple of Xanax washed down with a 40-year-old bottle of Bordeaux that had been sent to Millicent as a get well present.

John had finally managed to get his mother to her room. He had sat with her on the floor of the bathroom as she puked her guts out, and then cried about how she had failed her children. It seemed that she was finally accepting the reality of the fact that Jack was divorcing her. Also, she was facing the fact that she had neglected John all those years and it weighed very heavily on her.

~~~~~~~~

John had taken a shower and went downstairs to find something to eat. He told Corrine earlier not to bother with making dinner.

"Please, just take care of Gamma." John had requested.

Seeing Eleanor's drunken state, Corrine went about preparing something for Millicent and retired to her own quarters for the evening.

John made himself a sandwich, grabbed a bag of chips and a soda, and headed upstairs to his living room. He was kicking back on the couch, eating his dinner and watching TV, when Dave and Maura arrived home.

"We went ice-skating today and then Daddy took me to get pizza." Maura knelt on the couch next to him.

John finished his sandwich and placed the empty plate on the coffee table. He reached over and took Maura into him arms and sat her on his lap.

"Did you have fun?" He asked her. Ever since he had taught her how, ice-skating had become one of her favorite past-times.

"Yeah, but I wish you could have gone with us." She leaned her head against him.

"Was that your dinner? Dave asked, sitting on the couch across from him. "I guess I should have brought you some pizza."

"Yeah, well I'll tell you about it later." John tilted his head towards Maura, indicating that he would rather not talk about it in front of her.

Dave clearly understood the gesture, changing the subject. "So what are you watching?"

"I don't know, some sappy movie. I wasn't really paying attention." John yawned as he held Maura close to his chest.

Dave picked up Maura to take her in to give her a bath. Noticing the dark circles under his eyes, he patted John on his cheek and said, "you should go to bed John, you look beat."

~~~~~~~~

The next afternoon, Abby had arrived at 3:30, as planned. Henry brought her up to the living room. John explained to Dave that she would be coming over and that he needed to tell her about the two of them. They arranged for Kathryn to take Maura out for the afternoon so they could have some privacy with Abby.

"Excuse me sir, your guest is here." Henry spoke to Dave, who was lying on the couch flipping through the channels. "Can I get you anything?"

"Come on in, Abby. Would you like something to drink?" Dave greeted her as he got up and offered her a seat on the couch across from him. "John will be out in a minute."

"Club Soda or Ginger Ale, please." She addressed Henry.

"And a couple of Cokes, thank you." Dave added before Henry left.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here." Abby was surprised to see Dave. She thought that it was strange to hear Dave call Carter, John. "So what have you been up to these days?" She asked, trying to make conversation.

"A lot really, I got a job over at Northwestern, and I love it." Dave grinned. "I have my daughter back and I'm living here with John."

"Here, as in this house?" She asked him as she looked around the place. "Wow, you have been busy."

"Yeah it's great. Maura has her own room and she just loves John." He carried on cheerfully.

"Maura, that's your daughter?" John emerged from the bedroom just as Abby asked that. She half expected him to sit on the couch next to her, but he sat next to Dave instead.

"Hi, Abby, glad you could make it." He sat silent for a moment, thinking about where to start.

Abby was thinking that he was stalling because Dave was still there. Henry returned with their drinks and placed them in the center of the coffee table.

"Thanks." John took his Coke and sipped it. He cleared his throat and tried to begin. "This is not going to be easy, Abby." He paused. "I have been wanting to talk to you for a long time, but I just wasn't sure how to tell you about this."

"It might be easier for us to talk if Dave wasn't here." She suggested. "No offense, Dave."

"None taken. John do you want me to leave?" He asked. "She might be right you know, it might be easier if I wasn't here."

"No, Dave, please, I want you to stay." John moved closer and took Dave's hand, which sort of surprised Dave. Abby furrowed her brow as she suddenly realized what was going on.

"Oh my, God. You two are�.are�.together�.uh�.as�..a�..couple." She laughed in disbelief.

Both John and Dave blushed a deep crimson as John buried his face in his hands.

"But I don't understand, I mean, how long?" She had so many questions she didn't even know where to begin. Suddenly she noticed the rings that they each wore. "You two aren't actually married are you?" She had to ask.

"We know it's not really legal but we'd like to think so. We've been together for quite a while actually, but it's only recently that we started getting serious." Dave tried to get things started when he noticed that John seemed a bit tongue-tied.

Taking another sip of his Coke, John tried to explain. "We just started out as really good friends and started going out casually. We spent the holidays together a couple of years ago and things just progressed from there."

"A couple of years?" Abby asked in amazement.

"We would go out drinking, picking up chicks, maybe go to dinner or a movie." Dave stepped in again." Sometimes we would end up staying the night at one or the other's apartment.

"But nothing ever happened until after I returned from Atlanta." John again entered the conversation. " I was still pretty messed up about going out on dates because of my scars. Dave and I picked up where we left off as friends and he kept encouraging me to go out."

After a brief pause, John continued on. "Then one night we found these two girls at this night club, they wanted to have a foursome. I hadn't had sex for like 8 months. No way was I going to turn that down. I figured that if Dave was willing, which he was, then yeah, I was going to go for it."

"So we ended up in this hotel room, all four of us having sex together. They gave us their phone numbers and told us that they wanted to get together and do it again sometime." Dave shared. " We did go out with them a few more times after that. They wanted *us* to do stuff, but we kept telling them that we weren't into that.

John joined back in. "Then, on New Years Eve last year we crashed this party at the Hilton and at midnight we found ourselves alone together and I kissed him."

"Alone in a room full of strangers." Dave giggled. "It was pretty innocent and playful at first until I kissed him back. Then we ended up back at my place in my bed, nothing serious, just kissing and hand jobs.

"God, Dave," John blushed and almost choked on his soda. "I don't think she needs to hear details." He reprimanded as he shot Dave a frightful glare.

"Oh yes, do tell, Dave, I want to hear every sorted detail." Abby laughed, as she made herself more comfortable on the couch. She knew that this was really embarrassing John, and was really enjoying it for some odd reason.

"I think you are having a bit too much fun." John snarled. "I'm not sure we should tell you anything else."

"Oh, come on John, I'll be good, I promise." She effortlessly tried to wipe the grin of her face.

"After that, our two friends started getting a bit more of a show until they moved to California. Dave and I continued dating separately but would end up together quite frequently.

"John, what about Rena and last May, what you said?" Abby suddenly got very serious.

"You, Abby are the only woman that I ever thought I had anything to worry about." Dave stated in mocked jealously. He was, however, partially serious.

"Rena was fun. She was just another chick that enjoyed bedding two men, but she had been the last." John added. "But you, that was different. For a long time you were the only person I could really talk too. Dave always tried to get me to open up to him, but I just couldn't for some reason."

"The night we went to that charity ball, that was when I first thought that I was in love with you. I knew that you were with Luka and you seemed to be happy, at least back then I thought so. I certainly never wanted to be the cause of your splitting up. But the more I got to know you, the more I came to realize that you two really were not all that happy together." John was getting a lot more serious.

"It hurt me a lot to see you two together knowing that he wasn't ever really there for you. That day in May when you started talking about Luka, I felt like he was breaking your heart. I would have done anything to have you, to be with you, to hold you and tell you how much you meant to me. But when you acted like you didn't even have a clue as to what I was trying to say, I was so hurt that I had to just get away." He had been so wrapped up in telling her all of this he hadn't even noticed the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"I am so sorry, Abby I never wanted to hurt you." He got up and sat with her, holding her hand in his. "I went home to Dave, I had sort of been living with him ever since after we went to Oklahoma. I started to realize that Dave was the only person that I had ever been with that continued to stick with me through everything I went through. I found myself opening up to him and sharing things that I had never shared with anyone. Including things that I had never shared even with you. I began to see that all this time it had been Dave all along that I was in love with.

"I already knew that no matter what ever happened, I never wanted to be without John." Dave added.

"After that, you and I seemed to drift apart. I thought it was because you didn't want me. In the meantime Dave and I just got closer and closer, until this New Year's Eve we exchanged rings and vows." John was still sitting with Abby holding her hands in his.

"That night by the river when you tried to tell me that you wanted to be with me, I wanted so much to tell you why I couldn't, but I had promised Dave that I would never tell anyone without his knowledge. I could not break that promise to him, especially not with you." John replied.

"I just thought that you had already started something up with Susan, and didn't want to tell me about it." Abby explained. "By the way, what about Susan? Does she know?" Abby asked curiously.

"She sort of found out by accident." John began to tell her about how Susan had stopped by unexpectedly and walked in on the two of them kissing under the Christmas tree.

"I thought people kissed under the mistletoe?" Abby teased. They all laughed at her remark as they began talking about other things. The boys were telling her all about Maura and they invited her to stay for dinner so she could meet her.

"I just have one question for you guys." Abby seemed a bit hesitant at first as she noticed them both waiting for her to continue. "Would you still be interested in a little female fun sometime, maybe?"

"Are you serious?" Dave exclaimed a little too excitedly. He flashed John a wicked grin and nodded his approval.

"Whoa, wait a minute." John responded rather indifferently. "I'm not so sure that would be a very good idea."

"John, sometimes I think that you're just plain nuts." Dave stated sarcastically.

"Yes, I'm serious, and John, you are nuts, but maybe you just need a little time to think about it." She leaned towards him and kissed him square on the lips. Dave giggled in delight as he watched John respond to her. He was getting hard just watching them and he could see that John was getting hard also.

Abby held out her hand towards Dave inviting him to come join them. He sat next to her as she turned and knelt on the couch between them. She leaned over and started to kiss Dave as her hand began to trail down John's chest. His head rested on the back of the couch and he moaned softly as her hand continued its journey south. She was still kissing Dave when she reached down to cup his erection.

Suddenly, John got to his feet. "I'm sorry, I can't do this� I just can't Abby." John sat down on the opposite couch. He buried his face in his hands to hide the shame he felt.

Dave got up and knelt down in front of John. "God, I'm sorry, John I should have listened to you, not just what you said but what I know is in your heart." He leaned close to John and pulled him near, kissing him with all the passion that he had in him.

"I know that you have wanted to be with Abby for a very long time and denying yourself that is not going to make those feelings go away. I just thought that maybe if we did this together that you would feel okay about it." Dave tried to reassure him that he did nothing wrong.

"I know, it's just that I thought that we had agreed that we weren't going to do this anymore." John felt so confused that he just wanted to run and hide.

Abby came over and sat next to him and took his hand in hers. "John, I'm really sorry. I never meant this to hurt you. I do love you and I understand if you can't love me back. But I do want to be with you, with both of you, and I want you to know that this is not just some sick game for me."

"I'm just not sure that I can deal with this right now." John explained, a bit embarrassed that he allowed thing to get so out of control.

They had all agreed that John just needed some time to think about the possibility and not wanting to push or make him feel anymore uncomfortable than he already did, they decided to change the subject and go back to their friendly conversation.

As they sat back and began to relax once more, Kathryn came in with Maura. It was already 5:30 and dinner would be served in half an hour.

13-Damage is Done


A couple of days after their visit with Abby, the guys were relaxing in the living room. Dave had seen how stressed John seemed to be getting, trying to watch after his grandmother, dealing with the home health agency and the nurses that showed up when they wanted to and to have his mother back in the house, wanting to become a part of his life. Dave also knew his parent's divorce was still on John's mind as well as trying to continue their relationship and be a 'daddy' to Maura. Then Dave went and tried to convince him to have a threesome with the one female who held a piece of John's heart. Dave knew it was time they sat down and had a talk about what had happened.

"John, you do know the only reason that I went along with Abby was because I know how much you've wanted her." Dave explained.

"I know, it's just that a year ago, I wouldn't have even hesitated. But now, I'm just not sure if what Abby proposed was such a good idea. I still care about her, but I'm afraid of losing her as a friend. It's been strained enough and I don't want to risk making things worse." John clarified.

"Listen, John, I know how you feel, but if Abby brings it up again…" Dave paused, "well, just think about it, I mean you should just take things as they come." Dave sat on the couch while John lay with his head in Dave's lap.

"I have to admit, though, I felt a bit jealous at seeing her so eagerly and willingly kissing you." John admitted. "It sort of scared me though because I was completely turned on by it." John blushed as Dave laughed.

"I was rather disappointed that you didn't want to take her up on her offer, you know it's not the first time that I have fantasized about watching you and Abby." Dave confessed as he ran his fingers through John's hair.

John stared away from Dave for a moment. He needed to change the subject.

"Hey, Baby, there was something else we should talk about. What would you say if I was ready to let people know about my preferences, you know? Dave, I'm not quite ready to tell the world but I think it would have been nice if I could have gone to say, Kerry, and talked to her after her girlfriend 'outed' her without her permission," John confided.

"Maybe we should have a comin' out party," Dave teased. "We could invite Kerry and her girlfriend. You know I had a feeling that she was a dyke when Dr. Legaspi was hanging around."

John furrowed his brow towards Dave, but decided to ignore his crude remark. "Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?" John laughed knowing how much Dave had gotten a thrill out of watching two women making out.

"You really wanna tell the Chief?" Dave asked; a bit surprised that John was willing to 'come out'.

"I just don't want to hide it from my close friends, I'd rather them hear it first hand than have someone slip and say something unexpectedly. Besides, you know most of them so this involves you, too." John said

"I don't have a problem with that. You know it's sort of funny really 'cause since I've never tried to pick up on any of the chicks over at Northwestern, I've already heard rumors that some of the nurses are taking bets that I'm gay." He confided in John.

"I better never hear of you trying to pick up the nurses at Northwestern." John scolded, nuzzling against Dave's stomach.

"Nope. Those days are long over, Hoss. You're all I need."

~~~~~~~~

It had not taken John long to realize that Eleanor's drinking was not a one time occurrence but rather a daily affair. He had tried talking with her and had even invited her to join him at an AA meeting. At the very least he had warned her of the dangers of mixing alcohol with Xanax. Denial was a funny thing. He wondered what it was going to take before she realized that she had a problem. Thinking back he knew that his own drug abuse had nearly cost him his career.

~~~~~~~~~

Dave was on call. He was paged at 3:00 a.m. to come in for an early shift. He was long gone before John had to get up. John had forgotten to set his alarm and ended up over sleeping. He was running late when he arrived for work. He made a beeline for the admit desk to check in, and of course, there stood Kerry.

"Sorry, I'm a bit late, over slept," he explained slightly out of breath from the dead run into the building from the parking garage. He signed in, grabbed a couple charts and headed for the lounge.

"Just hurry up and start seeing patients John, it's too early to be backed up already!" she warned him.

He quickly put his coat and bag away, donned his lab coat, and grabbed a cup of coffee.

Aside from being late, John's morning was fairly routine. He was finishing up with his first couple of patients when he passed by the admit desk to erase his name from the board and pick up a new chart. He grabbed the chart and turned away quickly when he heard Frank and Kerry.

"So you're gay?" Frank asked as Kerry had just finished an argument with Romano.

"Yes, Frank, I'm gay, alright," she stated testily. She wasn't in the best of moods and Frank was the last person she wanted to discuss her sexuality with.

"You know you're going to hell, right?" Frank stated.

John saw Kerry standing there, looking as if she wanted to belt him. He wouldn't have blamed her if she did. He had to hand it to Kerry though; he knew how hard it was to admit to his friends that he was bisexual. He had wanted to tell Kerry but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to do it. As he walked away with his chart, his stomach began to rumble reminding him that he still had not eaten breakfast.

Taking the elevator upstairs to the cafeteria, he was just about to get something to eat when his pager went off.

He grabbed a banana and a carton of milk and tossed a couple of bucks to the hostess. "Gotta run," he said as he quickly opened the milk and downed about half of it. On the elevator he ran into Susan.

"Hey, John, how are you?" She smiled, noting that he seemed a bit distracted.

He just shrugged, indicating that his mouth was full. He downed the rest of his milk and tossed the empty carton into the trash.

"It's my mother," he stated as he began telling Susan about his recent experiences with his mom's drinking and drug abuse.

"An entire bottle of wine?" She asked as they exited the elevator.

"Topped off with a couple of Xanax," he said as he took another bite.

"Oh, was she embarrassed?" Susan asked as she followed him towards to admit desk.

"Hard not to be when you're puking your guts out." He finished the rest of his banana. "You know what the worst part of it was?" He playfully asked as he tossed the peel into a nearby trash bin.

"That you had to put her to bed?" Susan offered to fill in the blank.

"It was a 40-year-old bottle of Bordeaux," he smirked.

"Is this a new thing?" Susan asked.

"Apparently, she has been taking them on and off for years," he answered as he walked away to find out who had paged him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was busy with a patient when Abby informed him that his mother had brought in a young cancer patient from the center were she had been doing some volunteer work. Abby handed him a chart that she had started on the boy.

Eleanor had insisted that he personally look after Mickey.

"Mickey, how you doing?" He approached Mickey with a smile. He was a bit reluctant to help with Mickey's care because he couldn't understand why his mother was acting as if she really cared, acting like this boy's . . mother? The thought made him shudder. And why did she insist he be involved?

He knew that his mother still hadn't come to term with her own son's death from the horrible disease...he just hoped her motives were pure, and not some kind of sick need to bring Bobby back through another child's misfortune.

"Not so good," he answered, the young boy's voice clearly indicated that he wasn't feeling well.

"Well," John put on his friendliest doctor face, "we're going to see if we can't figure out a way to make you feel a little better." John felt the boy's forehead and again checked his chart.

"A private room would help," Eleanor quietly implored. John ignored her and continued with his examination.

"Swing your legs up here for me," John kept his attention focused on the patient as he helped Mickey to lie back on the gurney.

After a thorough examination and Abby's help, John ordered some tests.

"My best friend, Eddie, has the flu," Mickey said as Abby began setting up to for a blood draw.

"Yeah, there's a lot of that going around," John replied as he got up to make room for Abby to work.

"They were shooting outside," Eleanor informed him that the center was taking pictures of Mickey.

"It's freezing." Abby remarked.

"Yeah, I know, I tried to tell the photographer that, but he wouldn't listen." Eleanor added.

"Abby here is going to draw some of your blood," John informed Mickey.

"I have a good vein here," Mickey pointed out to Abby, he had been through this enough to know what to expect. John busied himself with the chart, a lump welling up in his throat. This kid was so much like his brother. Mickey knew the drill. He was also alone, so much like Bobby had been. Sure, Bobby had parents and siblings, but ultimately, he was alone. Eleanor couldn't deal with Bobby's illness and his father, well, he found reasons to stay away.

"Take a deep breath and exhale," Abby spoke softly as she prepared the area.

John had occupied himself with jotting notes on the chart and hadn't noticed his mother's reluctance to watch the procedure.

"You don't have to watch," Mickey assured her.

"I'm fine," Eleanor protested. John just looked puzzled and decided he just couldn't watch his mother with this boy. He was barely able to keep his own emotions at bay and he decided he couldn't take any more of this.

"Just a couple more vials and we'll be all done," Abby reassured him.

John was thankful that Abby was the nurse and he knew she'd take care of this very sick, scared boy. He set the chart down next to where Abby was working and turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" Eleanor asked as she watched John walk away.

"I have other patients," he informed her, seriously needing the physical separation.

~~~~~~~~~~

John listened in on an argument between Kerry and Deb at the admit desk regarding an antibiotic Deb had ordered for a patient. Dr. Chen argued that she didn't need her advice and that her recommendation was perfectly acceptable. John was pulled into the middle of their argument and had offered his opinion in defense of Kerry.

"Thanks a lot." Deb sneered at him, as Kerry walked away.

"What did I do?" He challenged, feigning innocence.

"Let her off the hook. Whose side are you on anyways?" Deb stated rather indignant.

"Oh, I'm not on anybody's side. I'm trying to play this very neutral." John smiled innocently.

"No, no, you have to be on someone's side, and it better be on mine." Deb bantered with him, trying to sound seriously wounded that he sided with Weaver. She poked him in the arm as he turned away from her.

"Deb, she's my boss." He came back at her indignantly as he pulled his arm out of her reach.

"You like her, don't you?" Deb teased.

"I don't dislike her." He stated, matter-of-factly.

"Huh, that makes a lot of sense." She continued to harass him.

"What makes a lot of sense?" He couldn't figure out what she was talking about.

"Your taste," she snickered.

"Excuse me?" He was still rather confused at what she was hinting at.

"John, it's obvious. You have a thing for older woman," she insinuated.

"What?" John questioned, getting really offended with her assessment of him.

"Yeah, Weaver, Lewis, that pediatric surgeon, what was her name?" She continued to make fun of his choices of women.

"Oh, come on." He looked around to make sure no one was listening. He was a bit embarrassed that she even knew about Abby Keaton.

"Come on, younger women just too much for you?" She was just having way too much fun.

"Oh no, I can handle myself either way." He declared in his own defense. If only she knew what either way really meant, he thought, chuckling silently.

"Oh, sure you can," she laughed mischievously.

Just at that moment Chuni walked up to the desk. "Carter, your mom's asking for you. What do you want me to tell her?" John looked up, hoping for some way out, some way to avoid having to deal with his mother and her sudden urge to be a concerned 'parent'.

"You can tell her I'm with a patient." He answered, thankful as a trauma came through the doors. He ran to meet the incoming paramedic.

~~~~~~~~~~

After John finished up with his trauma patient, he decided that his avoidance of his mother just wasn't fair to Mickey. He seemed like such a nice kid and a smart one, too. Mickey knew he was dying. He went to check on Mickey

"I'm sorry, I got busy there." John informed Eleanor as he checked over the chart again just to make it look like he was doing something. He explained that he had called pedes oncology. Mickey was going to be admitted and he would be sent upstairs to his room very soon.

"Aren't you going to do something?" Eleanor asked

"Yeah, I sent off his labs," he answered, understanding what she was asking. His mother figured that since her son, the one that no one in his family had ever supported in his career decision, was a doctor, that she and the child she brought in would receive immediate service. John knew his mother was not used to dealing with 'County' hospitals.

"No, I mean in terms of treating him," Eleanor insisted.

"There's no obvious infection so oncology can take it from here," John informed her as he began to walk away again.

"Oh." Eleanor sighed, disappointed that John didn't show more interest in Mickey.

"It may be a while, if you want to go home," John stated. He still wondered why she was so concerned with this child's care.

"I can't leave." Eleanor stated dryly.

"Are you sure that you want to do this, stay involved?" John asked. He glared at her for a moment, shocked and yes, even a bit sickened by this sudden show of compassion. Eleanor was not someone who had shown much of it in her life towards anyone.

~~~~~~~~~~

Later, John and Susan were talking at the admit desk. They had heard that Elizabeth had brought Ella in after she had gotten into Rachel's stash of ecstasy.

"It's amazing the drugs these kids can get a hold of," Susan remarked. She was just about to go check on a patient when she saw a familiar face coming through the door. "Oh, my, God, is that Rachel?" She turned and asked John as she saw Rachel solemnly walk into the ER.

"Yeah," he confirmed, nodding his head. He figured this was as good a time as any to take a quick break. On his way to the lounge, his mother appeared out of nowhere.

Eleanor informed him that a doctor had still not seen the boy. She then tried to enlist John's help to do something for him.

"I was just going to get some coffee. Would you like some?" John asked, wishing his pager would go off about then. He needed a distraction or maybe talk to Dave. Yes, he needed to just hear Dave's voice.

Eleanor was hot on his heels as she followed him into the lounge and abruptly handed him some papers. John took one look and realized she had stolen the lab results from Mickey's chart. He took them from her and asked her why she had them. She reasoned that no one had looked at them yet and she was hoping he would. John glanced over the charts quickly and informed Eleanor that Mickey is in blast crisis and his leukemia had returned. Eleanor continued to insist that he do something to help Mickey. He tried to explain that he was sure they were giving Mickey antibiotics and that the Oncologist would know what to do, but Eleanor persisted.

"Why are you doing this?" He had finally reached a breaking point with her act. "I mean, you've been here all day, you've been holding his hand, clipping his chart, bugging the staff." John's mind was flooded with distain for the fact that he perceived his mother to care more about this total stranger than she ever cared for Bobby or for him.

"I'm trying to help a sick child," Eleanor responded casually.

"Mom, he has leukemia." He stated clearly. Maybe she would get this through her head. "He may not survive." He continued. "Look, if you have some kind of twisted need to relive this, that's fine, I'm not going to do it again. I made my peace a long time ago." He had no desire to be dragged into the situation. It was too late to make up for the guilt she felt for neglecting her dying son, much less the surviving children. It was not his fault that Bobby had died. It was no ones fault, but in the end, he had been the one to pay the price. His mother had all but forgotten that he even existed and now she was demanding his help to do… what? 'Save' Mickey, he was sick, no he was dying, and there was nothing that he, or anyone else could do to stop it. Miracles did happen, of that he had no doubt, but reality is the best way to handle this, and his mother did not have a good grasp on reality right now, in his opinion. He just didn't want to see this kid suffer any more than he already had because his Mom needed to do this again, and this time, be there for the child instead of running away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleanor finally left, looking hurt at John's cutting remarks, insisting that she was going to go back and sit with Mickey.

John sank deeply into the well-worn couch in the lounge. He held the receiver of the phone under his chin, listening to the ringing on the other end.

"Uh, yes, is Dr. Malucci there?" John asked the female voice that had answered the phone. "Yeah, I can hold," he sighed wearily.

"Dr. Malucci, here." Dave answered not knowing who would be calling him at work.

"Hey, Baby, " John replied wearily. He really needed to just hear Dave's voice after dealing with his mother.

"What's up? John, are you okay?" Dave asked, suddenly becoming concerned at the tone of John's voice.

"Yeah, I just needed to talk to you for a minute. I'm having a hell of a day. You know what the topper has been? My mom brought in a kid from that cancer center that she's been volunteering at and would you believe that she suddenly wants to become a parent?" He said sarcastically. Dave laughed softly.

"Maybe seeing us with Maura has brought out those maternal instincts in her." Dave offered.

"Maternal instincts? Dave, this is my mother we're talking about here." John snickered.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. So, what else has gone wrong with your day?" Dave tried to get the subject off his mother.

"Oh, let's see, I watched Frank tell Kerry she was going to hell for being gay and Deb accused me of having a thing for older women. I made the mistake and took Kerry's side instead of hers during an argument I got yanked into, for starters."

"Man, you have had a hard day. Is there anything I can do for you?" Dave offered knowing that John just needed to vent his frustrations.

"You already did." John sighed. He already felt better. "I just needed to let off a little steam. Actually, I need to get back to work." John shrugged. "So, I should be home by seven."

"You sure you're okay?" Dave asked again, giving John a chance to continue if he needed to.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you later. I love you." John added, before saying good-bye.

"I love you too," Dave replied before hanging up the phone.

~~~~~~~~

A little after noon, Deb approached John at the front desk again. "Hey, Carter, let's go get a bite to eat before the board fills up again."

"Okay, let me go grab my coat." He headed towards the lounge as she followed him.

"So things are really heating up between you and Lewis?" She asked, fishing for information. She had apparently been listening to the nurse's rumors.

"Susan is just a friend," he clarified.

"Really?"

"Yes, Deb, really. Now would you just drop it, please?" If it wasn't for the fact that he had missed breakfast and only had a banana earlier, he might have changed his mind about going to lunch with Deb. He just hoped that this wasn't the only reason she suggested they have lunch together.

Together they made their way across the street to Doc Magoo's. By the time they got there, their cheeks were frozen, their hands were going numb and their ears were turning red from the icy wind.

"Damn, it's cold out there." John coughed as he breathed out the frozen air. He could see his breath as he tried to warm up his hands by breathing into them.

They quickly found a booth as far away from the door as they could get and sat down. The waitress was right behind them with menus and Deb immediately ordered a large hot chocolate, still shivering from the cold.

"That sounds really good, I'll have one, too." John ordered as he began looking over the menu, thinking that he wanted something hot.

"So, John, why aren't you dating anyone?" She asked curiously.

"Who says I'm not?" He answered quizzically. Yes, this was the only reason she'd invited him to lunch.

Before she got a chance to reply, the waitress came over to take their orders.

"Seriously, I don't mean to be so nosy but if Susan and Abby are just your friends and there's me and apparently Kerry." She smiled sheepishly as she noticed his discomfort.

"I could ask the same of you. Why are you so interested in my social life all of the sudden?"

"I just thought that maybe we could go out to dinner some night, like a real date perhaps?" Deb smiled as she waited for his response.

"To tell you the truth, I'm really not interested in dating." He was getting the feeling that he was getting in to deep not to tell Deb about Dave.



"You should give it some thought." Deb persisted, looking up from her cup.

"Deb, if I didn't know better I would think that you were trying to ask me out," John smiled teasingly.

"Maybe I am," she grinned mischievously, making him blush.

"Deb, you didn't seem to hear me when I said I'm not in the market."

"So does that mean that you're turning me down?" She pouted playfully.

"Yes, Deb, because I'm taken. I have someone in my life right now and have for quite some time, so you can stop worrying about me being some lonely bachelor." He hadn't meant to sound so blunt and was thankful for the temporary interruption as the waitress brought their food.

"Right, that's why we have never seen this elusive woman of yours." She was not completely convinced that he was telling her the entire truth.

"What? I can't have a life outside this hospital? Does it ever occur to anyone around here that maybe I would prefer to keep my personal life private?" He was really beginning to sound a bit agitated as he dug into his food.

"Jeez, John, I didn't mean to upset you. It's just that I have been thinking about it lately and I thought that if I was ever going to even get a chance, than I would have to be the first one to make a move. But if you already have someone, then I guess I really don't stand a chance." She smiled cheerfully as she searched his face for any hint of a reply. "So, does this mean that I'm never going to get to meet this person who seems to have you tied down?" She continued to taunt him.

"Actually you already have, Deb." John decided that if he was ever going to put an end to her persistent pestering he was going to have to tell her the truth.

She sat back for a minute, trying to think of who on earth she had seen him with. She couldn't think of anyone that they hadn't already mentioned. "And this special someone doesn't work here?" She asked puzzled. She suddenly thought of someone from the past, he had said, 'for quite some time now.'

"Please tell me it's not that Rena chick you went out with last year is it?"

"No, listen Deb, you'd never guess in a million years, so there's no point in trying. If you promise that you'll keep it to yourself, I'll tell you. But you have to swear." He urged seriously.

"Fine, cross my heart, I won't tell a soul." She drew an X across her chest and held up her other hand. "And my fingers aren't even crossed. I promise to keep your secret." She held her glass of water to her lips about to take a drink.

"Okay, but put the water down first, I don't want it all over me." He bantered as he leaned forward and gestured for her to lean closer. He took a quick look around the room and leaned closer to her as he whispered. "It's Dave, Deb, I'm bisexual." He showed her the ring. "We're married." He calmly admitted.

"I don't believe you, you're such a liar." She laughed out loud, "Boy you almost had me with that one!" She stopped laughing when she saw the serious expression on his face.

He looked really wounded by her lack of sensitivity. John thought maybe she'd be surprised but he didn't expect to be laughed at, particularly from Deb of all people. She had no idea how hard it was for him to even tell her. He'd been there for her how many times and she laughed at him?

With the day he'd been having, this rubbed him completely wrong. He felt hurt, tired, angry and exposed. He had decided to finally share something in his life that made him so happy and she sat there, laughing, basically calling him a liar! He pulled out his wallet and threw a couple of bills on the table, snatched his coat and quickly walked out, not bothering to say good-bye or even look back. He didn't think that this was going to be a piece of cake but he hadn't expected her to laugh at him or call him a liar. He really didn't know what to expect, but not this.

Sitting back against her seat, she watched as he walked up the street toward the convenience store on the corner. She waited for a while, figuring he would calm down and come back. After a while, she figured that he obviously wasn't coming back. Deb bundled up, and went after him.

She found him easily. He was leaning against the wall next to the front steps of the hospital with a cigarette cupped in his hand. She watched as he inhaled deeply and blew out a gust of smoke, watching it drift off into the cold wind.

It had been a while since he had craved the euphoric high of the narcotic painkillers that he had used to dull the pain after his attack. Nicotine was a poor substitute, but it helped to calm his shattered nerves. Between dealing with his mother and Deb's remarks, he just needed some time alone.

When he saw Deb approach, he threw his cigarette to the ground. He really didn't want to talk to her right now. He walked up the steps and into the hospital, his long strides taking him swiftly away from her.

Running to catch up with him she called out. "John, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" She stopped when she saw him turn towards her. She smiled softly, embarrassed. She felt awful that she had been so insensitive. She had practically forced him to tell her, and then she laughed...how was she supposed to know though? She had never seen him with a guy, only pretty blondes...what did he really expect as a reaction from her? His look was one of pure hurt, which made Deb feel even worse. How could she have laughed? She could kick herself for being such an insensitive jerk.

"Deb, would you just leave me alone for a while? I've had a really rough day, and I just cannot handle another problem." His words were cutting, and he regretted the curt remark as soon as it came out of his mouth. He just couldn't spend one more minute with her looking at him with such pity. He figured he was being overly sensitive, but Deb had been completely insensitive and he just couldn't deal with her right now.

~~~~~~~~

Before his shift ended, he had went up to oncology to check on his mother. She had fallen asleep in a chair at Mickey's bedside, and John found himself talking to Mickey.

"She's tired." Mickey announced politely. John watched his mother sleeping for several minutes, wondering what she dreamt about. Since Mickey was staring at him, John decided he should spend some time getting to know this boy who had gotten to his mother's heart. He sat at Mickey's bedside and asked him if he knew what was happening to him. Mickey said that he knew that the cancer was back, but that it would be better this time. Mickey looked over at Eleanor. "I was by myself before," he said.

John suddenly seemed to understand why his mother had become so taken by this boy. This was her one opportunity to try and make up for all the wrongs she'd done to Bobby, and Mickey obviously needed someone to care. He was a really sweet kid who was dying.

~~~~~~~~

He signed out for the day and gathered his belongings to leave. On his way out he nearly ran into Abby standing under the overhang outside the double doors of the ambulance bay, smoking a cigarette.

"I didn't see you standing there, I'm sorry," he apologized. It had started snowing and he had been trying to wrap his scarf around him. He'd figured out a way to hopefully make himself feel better and he had to hurry if he was going to make it.

"John, how's it going?" She asked, shivering a bit. "Are you okay? You seem a little distracted." She observed as she took another drag.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just really tired." Seeing the expression of disbelief on her face he sighed, "Okay, I'm not fine, but I will be as soon as I get out of here. I'm on my way to a NA meeting." He had already reached into his pocket and pulled out the newly purchased pack of cigarettes and began to light one.

"I'm planning on going to an AA meeting after my shift, want to come back, pick me up and go together?" She offered as she noticed him smoking.

"No, I don't think so, I sort of need this right now, besides Dave has to go back to work later tonight, I want to get home so I can spend some time with him before his shift." John readjusted his scarf before leaving.

"Maybe some other time. I'm getting out of here before I get sucked back into working." Indicating the in coming ambulance.

An ambulance pulled up to the doors, lights and sirens blaring. Abby threw the butt on the ground and stomped it out. Kerry and Malik met her as they all worked to pull their next patient from the back of the ambulance. Turning back one last time to watch John leave, she thought that maybe she should call and check up on him later.

~~~~~~~~

It had been a really long time since John had felt such a deep need to attend a meeting, specifically a NA meeting for that matter. He wasn't sure what exactly had triggered this fierce desire to use and that had really scared him. In the past he had always known. He knew that he had been under a lot of stress lately, but he felt that he was managing it quite well. He talked frequently to Dave, Susan and Abby about everything that was going on so he didn't feel that he was keeping it all inside.

Tonight had been no exception. As soon as he arrived home he talked to Dave and they spend some time together in the billiard room. John even had Corrine serve them dinner in there as his mother had elected to stay at the hospital. They didn't have much time before Dave had to leave for work. He was working a staggering double that day, just like at County, Dave's employer was almost always short-staffed. They really needed that time together.

14-A Simple Twist of Fate


John had only been asleep for a couple of hours when he awoke with a start. The covers were rumpled and spread across the bed, indicating that he had been thrashing about. This nightmare had been one of the worst that he had had in a very long time. He couldn't bring himself to go back to sleep after such a haunting dream. With Valentine's Day only a week away and his recent encounter with Paul Sobriki, he couldn't seem to stop thinking about that fateful day two years ago.

He got up and showered because he was drenched in sweat. He changed the sheets on the bed and made it back up. After spending most of the night in front of the TV, he finally decided to try and get some sleep.

Dave crept into the room as quietly as he could. He knew that John didn't have to be up and God knew he needed all the sleep that he could get. John had always been a fairly light sleeper and suffered from insomnia quite often, with many nights Dave coming home late to find him either watching TV or reading medical journals.

The last few months had really begun to take a toll on John. He had been through so much emotional turmoil, first with the death of his grandfather, and his grandmother's health problems, and then it was his mother and her drinking and drug abuse. Now it was her apparent need to befriend a young cancer patient. Dave knew that John was finding it very difficult to stand by and watch his mother play nurse-maid to this young boy, knowing that Mickey probably wasn't going to make it much longer. John also knew that there was a good chance that Mickey could hang on for quite a long time. John had spoken to Dave about his feelings toward his mother and was not sure if watching Mickey die was going to help her or make things worse.

Trying to not wake him, Dave undressed completely and slipped into bed along side John. He had just settled down and was on his way to dreamland when he felt a hand running along his back, across his shoulders, and into his hair. Rolling over, he cuddled close to John, cradling him in his arms.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Dave breathed in deeply, losing himself in John's musky scent. He smelled wonderful and Dave was immediately intoxicated.

"You didn't." John gazed into Dave's beautiful brown eyes, and then met his waiting lips in a soft kiss. Dave eagerly kissed back, sucking gently on John's tongue. John wrapped his leg around Dave's, pulling himself closer to him.

"Did you sleep at all?" Dave asked, running his hands along John's hip and sliding it down his thigh until he found what he was looking for. Taking John's rigid cock in his hand, he began gently stroking him.

"Uh... not really...but at least I don't have to work today." John gasped as his hand began to roam all over Dave's body as well. With feather soft touches he ran his fingers across Dave's chest, brushing across his nipples to make them erect.

John began teasing Dave by nibbling down his chest, sliding slowly downwards until he was licking up and down his thick shaft. Dave's breathing quickened as he let out a soft moan of pleasure.

"Oh, John---." Dave whimpered as he bucked his hips toward John.

With that little word of encouragement, John opened his mouth wide and lowered it over Dave's throbbing penis, nearly taking him all inside his mouth. John closed his lips around Dave's swollen member and began to suck hard, moving up and down as Dave gently rocked his hips.

Kneeling next to Dave, he was in the perfect position for Dave to continue his own ministrations. Dave reached the nightstand for the lube and squeezed a generous amount into his hand. He liberally applied it to John as he proceeded to knead John's balls, reaching to apply it to John's ass. Slipping his finger inside of his tight opening, he began to gently stretch the muscle as John feverishly continued to lick up and down Dave's burgeoning shaft.

"Oh God---Stop..." Dave gasped, lacing his fingers around John's hair. The sensations that John was creating in him were enough to send him over the edge, but he wasn't ready to end it just yet.

John pulled back, kissing gently along Dave's length, licking up the sweet nectar that oozed from Dave. John was perfectly content with Dave's fingers buried deep inside of him as he allowed Dave a moment to relax.

Dave slipped his fingers out of John, causing him to groan. He pulled John towards him, kissing him passionately, trailing wet kisses down John's jaw as he rolled John over onto his back, sucking and nipping along his throat, back down to his chest. Dave took a nipple in-between his teeth and gently pulling, and teasing each one in turn, eliciting a faint purring sound from John. Dave's hand trailed down John's stomach until he was cupping his balls in his hand, rolling them between his fingers, kneading them gently. He began slowly stroking his swollen cock.

"Oh, God, I need you in me, Dave." John squirmed as he allowed Dave to tuck a pillow under his hips to raise him up a bit, positioning himself. Dave found the tube of lube amongst the crumpled bedding and poured some into his hand as he knelt between John's legs. He generously coated his own swollen cock and aimed it for John's waiting ass. A sharp intake of breath was heard from John as Dave slowly and carefully entered him.

Deliberately teasing him, Dave moved with long, slow strokes, causing John to moan with pleasure each time Dave's cock came in contact with his prostate. John arched his back and grabbed at the sheets as Dave continued to move in and out of him, slowly, taking his time as his own pleasure built to its crest. It didn't take long before they were both moaning from the intense pleasure. Dave began to pick up the pace as he neared orgasm. He took John's cock into his hand and began pumping him to the rhythm of his own movements. His breathing became more and more erratic as he sank himself faster and harder until he finally came deep inside of John, filling him completely as he felt John's warm semen spill over his hand. Collapsing against his chest, Dave could feel John's arms holding him tightly as they lay together trying to catch their breaths.

Dave's rapid breathing had finally slowed down as he rolled himself off of John, spooning himself against him. Totally relaxed in each other's embrace, they drifted off into a deep sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was supposed to be John's day off. Dave was working and Eleanor had managed to talk John into coming in to help with Mickey's care. Outside of Mickey's room, John was sharing information with the Oncologist.

Eleanor noticed that the IV bag was empty.

"Sometimes it takes a little longer during shift change," Mickey said as he watched her checking out the empty bag.

"Shift change?" She asked.

"When one nurse goes home and another one comes on," he filled her in.

"Oh, right. I'll go get her," Eleanor smiled.

"His IV ran out and there's an alarm going off." Eleanor stopped to inform John and the Oncologist.

"It's only a pre-treatment solution, the nurse will change it when they move him." The other doctor said without concern, before walking away.

"Move him?" She turned and questioned John.

"To the treatment room," John sighed knowing that the news was not good.

"His cells are almost 100% leukemic, he needs a second chemo induction immediately." John added.

"And then a bone marrow transplant?" Eleanor stated more than asked.

"He's already failed one," John tried to explain. "Another one's only going to make him sicker and be a lot more dangerous." He was beginning to realize that he, too, was beginning to care a great deal for Mickey, but he knew that he was very sick and there was only so much that could be done for him.

"And chemotherapy alone is going to save him?" She questioned sarcastically. She could not help but hope that they could save this boy.

"Maybe," John paused." He's going to get a set of drugs that he didn't get before." John knew that it was a slim chance, but the only one that they had to offer. He was trying very hard to help his mother to accept the idea that there really wasn't a lot they could do. He knew that Mickey, like Bobby had known, understood.

"You decided to experiment on him?" Eleanor scoffed, a slight tone of anger in her voice. She could not help but think that after all these years they still could not help children like Mickey and her dear, sweet Bobby from having to suffer this way.

"I haven't decided anything," he claimed in his own defense. He knew that arguing about this was not going to help the situation so he held his tongue. "There's as much luck as science involved here. You look like you need a rest." He tried to pacify her as best he could.

"No, if you're going to pump that junk back into his veins I'm going to stay right here," she informed him as she went back in to sit with Mickey.

John's first reaction was one of anger. It was not his fault that Mickey was sick or that he couldn't do anything for him. His anger quickly turned to admiration as he watched his mother sit with Mickey and talking to him. She had said that she would stay. He smiled at the thought that at least Mickey had someone to hold his hand through his ordeal. John knew how Bobby had felt and that at least Bobby had known that he was not completely alone. Even when John was not there physically, Bobby had always known that John was always thinking of him.

John found out that Dr. Babcock had sent a student in to do the procedure on Mickey. This angered him since he had asked Dr. Babcock to do it personally.

"It's a teaching hospital," Dr. Babcock argued.

"I'd still prefer that you do it," John followed him towards Mickey's room.

"Uh hum... What's your mom doing in there, I thought that he was an orphan?" Dr. Babcock asked seeing her through the window.

"You should at least be supervising her," John said as he noticed the student in there alone.

"I can see her from here," he stated casually as he set his charts down and began going through them.

"John, something's wrong, he's coughing up blood." Eleanor called from the doorway. Both doctors turned quickly and followed her back into the room.

After briefly explaining what was happening, John stated, "Mom this is normal." The two doctors quickly checked the monitors and reviewed the charts as they decided what the next course of action would be.

"Please stop debating that and help him," Eleanor shouted. John waved her to hold on. They had to figure out what was right to do for him.

Mickey started to vomit blood again as Eleanor frantically begged John to help him. As she continued to watch Mickey in pain, she suddenly remembered Bobby's last days and how much pain he had been it. She picked up her coat and ran out of the room.

John made a few quick suggestions and then ran after her, catching up to her at the elevator.

"Mom! Mom! What are you doing?" He shouted after her.

"I can't... please take care of him," she cried, turning back towards John.

"No, the only reason I'm here is because you asked for my help," he reminded her. He had not wanted to have anything to do with this from the beginning.

"I can't see him in that kind of pain." She just could not do this.

"What did you expect? You can not get this kid's hopes up and then leave." He yelled at her as she got into the elevator. "You're really going to do this?" He snarled angrily. "You're going to drag me back here and then bail when it gets too tough?" He pulled open the closing door. "He does not think that he is going to have to go through this alone. Don't leave him." John demanded bitterly.

A woman stepped onto the elevator with Eleanor, thanking John for holding the door, leaving John standing alone as the door closed.

John was angry that his mother had bailed, but no way was he going to let this kid go though this alone, not after he had come this far, he just couldn't.

He sat with the boy all morning, playing cards, reading books, watching cartoons, and telling stories about his brother. He had even told Mickey his deepest secret and talked about Dave and Maura.

It was getting rather late in the afternoon when he finally had to leave. He told Mickey that he needed to go home for a while, but promised that he would come back and see him later.

~~~~~~~~

John had every intention on going home to spend some time with Maura, but by the time he got there he was both physically and emotionally exhausted.

"Hey, Sweetie, what'd you do today?" He asked Maura as he picked her up and collapsed on the couch with her.

"Kathryn took me to the park after school," she squealed as he hugged him around the neck. "And I got to go on the big slide," her eyes widened as she spoke.

"Wow, the 'big' slide? I bet that was fun," John covered his mouth to stifle a yawn.

"Man, I'm tired," John yawned again. He got up with Maura still clinging to him.

"I think I need a nap," he continued, finding it hard to stay awake. He leaned down to set Maura on the couch but she didn't want to let go of him.

"Come with me," Kathryn offered to help as she tried to pry Maura from him. "Your daddy needs to get some rest. We can go make some cookies." Kathryn bribed her.

John used the distraction to slip away but soon heard Maura having a fit. He felt bad knowing that all she wanted was to spend some time with him.

"I want to go with him," she begged, Kathryn was still holding tightly to her. She ran into his room and climbed upon the bed, lying down next to him before Kathryn could stop her.

"I'm sorry, John." Kathryn apologized for letting her get away.

"It's okay, she can stay." John gave in to her. Maura curled up close to him and soon they were both asleep.

After about two hours, his mother awakened John. He suddenly sat up to find her sitting on the edge of his bed.

"I'm sorry John, I didn't mean to startle you. I just came to tell you that I'm leaving." She casually informed him before she got up and left.

It took him a few minutes for the information to register as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. He rolled off the bed; feeling a bit chilled he put on a sweater and headed downstairs.

Not wanting to bother anyone, Eleanor had called for a cab to take her to the airport.

John was looking for his mother when Corrine told him that there was a cab waiting for her. He saw her suitcases piled by the front door but Eleanor was nowhere around. He wandered through the house until he saw her through the window. She was outside in the backyard.

"Your car's here." John announced, walking out to meet her.

"I managed to get a flight to Logan, but I'm on standby. Can you imagine?" She hesitated. "I'll call you from the gate. I'm sorry...John I really am."

She started to walk inside to leave.

"Kids, you know, they get over stuff." He nervously paced. "I bet if you went back, Mickey would forget about today as quickly as he could down a milkshake." John tried to get her to stay.

"No, you were right, I became too involved." She stated thinking that she was agreeing with him.

"I'm thinking I wasn't right." He confessed, knowing that Mickey needed her.

"See that tree?" She began to remember her two boys together. "You and your brother built a fort on that big limb and you played Tarzan."

"Bobby played Tarzan, I played Cheetah." He corrected, as his mother giggled. He hadn't thought about that for so many years, it amazed him that his mother would remember.

"You fell down and sprained your wrists and you never even thought about telling me that he pushed you." She smiled sweetly as she recalled how close her boys had been. Her voice clearly showed that she was getting emotional.

"You knew." He grinned in surprise.

"You two had your secrets. You stuck together and I saw no reason to pull you apart. I didn't spend much time thinking about how your brother's death had affected you. I didn't spend much time on anyone." She admitted sorrowfully.

"Do you have time now?" He didn't even try to hold back the tears that had begun to stream down his cheeks.

"I won't betray another little boy." She vowed.

"Betray?" He didn't understand what she meant.

"You don't want to give up hope. You can't. Hope is all either of you have." She spoke as if she was talking about him and Bobby. "Your brother believed me when I told him he'd get better. It didn't matter where he was, how he felt, or what the doctors said. I told him he'd get better. He died believing me."

John smiled and shook his head. "No, he was pretending for you. That was another one of our secrets. I was supposed to not let you be sad....... I was supposed to make you forget....... To make you happy........ He made me promise to make you happy. I'm sorry mom." He grabbed her and held her tight as he cried on her shoulder.

"I love you. Do you hear me? I love you." She held him as if she would never let him go."

"Mom?" He asked, still clinging to his mother as she clung back.

"Yes, Baby?" Eleanor said, trying to control herself.

"Don't leave. Bobby's gone but Mickey needs you. He trusts you and believes you. He needs you there." He begged. They pulled back from one another, still holding onto each other's arms, not wanting to break the contact. Eleanor looked deeply into her son's eyes.

"You're right." She said, smiling at the surprise in his expression. "Yes, John. I said you're right. Will you come back with me? I'm not sure I could do this without you."

For the first time in years, John felt proud. His mother needed him. "Sure, mom. I'll be there."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John ordered a couple of large pizzas for dinner while Eleanor made a garden salad. He wanted to be ready to sit down for dinner as soon as Dave arrived home. Kathryn and Maura were setting the table when Dave arrived.

"Daddy!" Maura beamed at the sight of him coming in the door. "Daddy John got pizza." She announced as he picked her up to give her a hug.

"Hey, Dave," John greeted him with a kiss and led him to the table. "I hope you're ready for dinner."

"Yeah, I'm starved." Dave said as they all joined around the dinner table.

"I have to go back to the hospital for a while." John explained. "I promised Mickey that I would visit him this evening."

"Are you going to be home to tell me a story?" Maura asked.

"Yes, Sweetie, I will. We won't be gone that long." John smiled at his mother. He was happy to hear that Eleanor agreed to cancel her flight and would stay for Mickey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at the hospital, the Oncologist decided he needed to do a spinal tap. John held Mickey's head as his mother held his hand, neither one of them took their eyes off of each other.

Eleanor and John were getting ready to leave when he saw Susan still in the ER.

"What are you still doing here?" He stopped to ask her, noticing that the place was almost empty. "Where is everyone?"

"While you were off playing baby-sitter, everyone went home with food poisoning from eating some bad bagels." She yawned wearily. "I finally got Romano to agree to close to trauma. Luka was here but then he left right after Abby was treated for being beaten by her neighbor." She filled him in not realizing that he had no idea what had happened to Abby.

"What? Who hit Abby? Where is she?" He demanded frantically.

"I'm sorry Carter, I forgot that you wouldn't know. Her neighbor hit her after she got his wife to go to a shelter because she was being abused."

"Where is she now?" He pleaded as he fought to control his raging temper. Dropping his coat on the desk he pulled out his cell phone.

"I don't know. I invited her to stay at my place but she left without getting the key. I just hope that she didn't go back to her place." Susan sounded worried.

He was already on his cell phone waiting for Abby to answer. "Abby, it's John, if you're there, please pick up the phone." He paced wildly as he ran his hand through his hair. "Abby, please, pick up." He prayed that she would answer.

"John, we can go by her place and see if she is there." His mother suggested as she placed her hand on his cheek to try and calm him down. She knew that he was very close to Abby and cared for her deeply.

"Yeah, okay. Come on, let's go," he was on his way out the door, before she had a chance to put on her coat.

"Call me when you find her," Susan called after him.

"I'll see to it that he does," Eleanor reassured her as she turned to follow John.

"Hold on." Susan ran after Eleanor with John's coat that he had left behind.

On the way over to Abby's, John handed Eleanor his cell phone and asked her to continue trying to reach her.

Pulling up to her building, he didn't even bother to turn off the motor as he ordered his mother to lock the door and stay in the car.

He ran up the steps, ringing her number several times, knocking on the front door. He peered in the window, hoping that someone would come and let him in.

After several minutes passed, a middle-aged man approached the building and opened the lock. John quickly explained that he needed to check on his friend. He told the man that he was a doctor and had reason to believe she was hurt and may not have been able to answer the door. He took the flight of stairs two at a time as he ran to her apartment door. John knocked loudly and called out her name, repeatedly.

"John, she's on the phone." Eleanor called from the bottom of the stairs, waving the phone at him.

He flew down and took the phone from his mother. "Abby, where are you?" He frantically asked her.

"Calm down John, I'm at your place," she assured him.

"Oh thank God, you had me worried to death." He sighed heavily.

"Dave said you had to go back to the hospital so I should call you in case you heard about what had happened. But I'm here with Dave."

"Okay, I'm on my way home." He hung up the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On their way back home, John told his mother all about Abby, about how she was a student when he was stabbed, about Abby's mother and about her sponsorship of him during his hardest times. Before they knew it, they were back at the mansion and John had talked non-stop about Abby. The second he had the jeep turned off he bolted into the house.

"Dave! Abby!" He yelled from the back door.

"John, calm down." Eleanor scolded her son. John bounded up the stairs two at a time where Dave met him at the top.

"Slow down there, Babe." Dave stopped John before he could go any further. "She's fine."

"Where is she, Dave? How bad is it?" John sounded to be in a total panic. Dave held him back.

"John, she looks worse than she is, okay? She's got a broken nose but it isn't displaced. There's a lot of swelling, but she's okay." Dave tried to explain as John managed to get by him. He sprinted into their living room.

"Abby?" He called, seeing the back of her head. She turned her head around quickly.

"John?" She said as the dizzy spell hit. She should not have turned so quickly. A wave of nausea flooded her body. "Oh, God." She moaned. John was on his knees in front of her as she sat on the couch.

"Oh, God, Abby. I'm so sorry." He gently touched the side of her face. Once the nausea subsided, Abby looked embarrassed.

"I'm fine, John. I just couldn't . . I didn't have . . Oh, God, John. I was so scared. I didn't know where else to go." She cried as he wrapped himself around her, holding her while the sobs overtook her body.

"Shh, Abby. You can stay here. It's okay, shhh." He held her tightly, feeling her whole body go limp in his arms. Dave stood at the doorway watching with Eleanor.

"They're very close, aren't they?" Eleanor watched with admiration of her son's commitment to his friend. She thought she had detected that there was so much more to John's and Abby's relationship and the feeling only strengthened watching her son. She glanced over at Dave, who seemed to understand what only John and Abby shared.

"Uh, yeah, they are." Dave cleared his throat, suddenly feeling like a Peeping Tom. "Would you like some coffee?" He suggested to Eleanor, thinking John and Abby just needed some private time alone.

"I'd like that, Dave." Eleanor hooked her arm in Dave's and the two of them went to the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later, John finally came into the bedroom where Dave lay in bed, watching some old sitcom.

"She all tucked in?" He asked. John nodded and ran his weary hands through his hair.

"She's in the room next to Maura. You don't mind if she stays a few days, do you? At least until they get Brian?" John sat on the edge of the bed, next to Dave.

"She's going to be all right, right?" Dave asked, he had actually been shocked when Abby stood at the door, bruised and swollen, looking like a lost child. After he discovered she'd been beaten, he had trouble controlling his anger. How any man could hit a woman was beyond him.

"Yeah, she will be. I'm going to take a shower." John said, resigning himself to total emotional exhaustion. It had been a very tough day.

"Want me to join you?" Dave asked, a smirk behind his eyes. John smiled.

"No, that's okay but you can warm up my side of the bed if you want." He gave Dave a kiss on his forehead before going to the bathroom.

"That I can do." Dave smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

John sat at the table in the lounge, buried in a pile of charts. His job as Chief Resident was very demanding. One of it's many responsibilities being to review charts belonging to med. students. It had been a long and busy day and he still had about an hour of his shift left. With his head resting on a stack of papers, he had fallen asleep.

"Carter, wake up." Luka placed his hand on John's shoulder and shook him gently. "Car--ter."

John sat up suddenly, startled from his sleep. His sudden movements knocked over a stack of charts, which Luka quickly caught before they landed on the floor.

"You can go home now, Carter." Luka watched as the younger man rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He poured a cup of coffee and handed it to John.

"Here, you had better drink this. I wouldn't want you to get into an accident on the way home because you fell asleep at the wheel."

"Thanks." John replied in a deep voice as he accepted the coffee. "Luka, do you have a minute?" John gulped the coffee as he cleared his throat to speak. "I know that you're going to say this is really none of my business, but if you really love Abby, you should tell her."

"Carter, it's over between us." Luka had accepted the fact that Abby did not love him.

"I usually don't make a habit of getting involved in other peoples business, but I care a lot about Abby. I just want to see her happy."

"Well, I certainly never made her happy," Luka reluctantly admitted. "Besides, I happen to know that she wants to be with you."

"Yeah, well that's not going to happen." John drank deeply of the hot liquid. "And you don't even know how wrong you are." He laughed.

"I don't understand you. I mean, I thought that you loved her and now you don't want to be with her?"

"I do love her and yes, I do want to be with her, I want to be with her all the time, but not like that. I mean..... It's complicated." He paused momentarily. "Luka, Abby is the best friend that I have ever had." John just wasn't sure if he was ready to tell Luka the entire truth. "Besides, I'm involved with someone else."

"You can't mean Susan?" Luka snickered, then looked puzzled at John.

"No, no, it's not Susan. Luka, I just can't and Abby understands why. I just can't explain it to you." He swallowed the last of his coffee and went to his locker.

"And why is that?" Luka stared intently, he watched John run his hands nervously through his hair. "Come on, I know that we have not been the greatest of friends, but you can talk to me, John." Luka encouraged him.

John laughed nervously as he put on his coat. "Maybe another time, Luka. Right now, there is a bed with my name on it. See you tomorrow." John winked as he left the lounge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Daddy John! Daddy John! Daddy John!" Maura yelled as she bounded onto the bed, making a direct score with John's bladder.

"Uh, Maura!" he yelped, curling up into a ball. Maura didn't notice his harsh tone. She was too excited.

"Here, Daddy John! I made this for you! It's a Balantine Card!" She shoved a red construction paper card in his face. John rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as his heart melted to this adorable child sitting on his hip.

"That's Val..en..tine..." John corrected her, accentuating the V. "Let me see." He looked closely at the card. "Did you write this all by yourself?" He asked, pointing to the backwards letters and the misspelled words. It was the feeling he saw clearly and he refused to let his mind play games with him today. He'd moved past that horrible day not that long ago. Here he was with a wonderful partner and a beautiful little girl who called him 'Daddy John'. Life couldn't get any better.

"Maura, I told you not to wake him!" Dave scolded, coming into the bedroom carrying a breakfast tray. John laughed at his apron.

"Betty Crocker you ain't." John scoffed as Dave sat the tray down.

"Watch it, Buddy or I'll just take these homemade waffles back downstairs and feed them to the dog!" Dave teased, giving John a good morning kiss.

"We got a doggy?" Maura asked, excited. Dave quickly realized his bad choice of words.

"No, Honey. I was just teasing. Why don't you go get your pretty dress on and we'll see if we can get Daddy John here out of bed so we can go on that walk I promised you, okay?" Dave urged. Maura hopped off the bed and ran out of the room. John was trying to crawl out of bed but Dave stopped him. "And where do you think you're going?" He asked. John pushed by him.

"Gotta pee. Besides, I just got a knee in the bladder and another one in the crotch and it hurt." John laughed as he stumbled to the bathroom. He wasn't the most graceful person in the morning. Dave followed.

As soon as John finished, Dave snuggled up behind him, wrapping his arms around John's waist.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Babe." He whispered into John's ear, nibbling at it. John relaxed his head back as he brought Dave's hands to his groin.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you, too." John purred back as Dave began to stroke him. Dave couldn't help but to chuckle.

"Mhhh, no wonder you were in pain, Baby. You're as hard as an oak." Dave slipped his hand inside the front of John's boxers.

"I've been dreaming about you." John smiled over Dave's hands touching him with such familiarity.

"Think if I lock the bathroom door, anyone will notice?" Dave began kissing John's back, making goose bumps breaking out all down John's arms.

"Just don't stop." John reached behind him and found Dave's much too tight jeans. Dave reached over with one hand while keeping the other in direct contact, and he locked the door and swung it shut with his foot. John managed to turn himself around in Dave's arms.

"Now, this is the way a holiday should be spent." John smiled, leaning in and meeting Dave's hungry mouth.

15-It's All In Your Head


John and Dave both shed their clothes and crawled under the covers for the night. Dave raised himself up taking hold of his pillow to fluff it up a bit.

"Do you have my pillow?" Dave complained, believing that their pillows had been switched. He began pulling at John's to make him trade.

"Take it," John groaned wearily. He just wanted to go to sleep and could care less which pillow he had. John allowed Dave to take the pillow and grabbed for the one Dave still held in his hand.

"Oh, did you want this?" He smirked playfully as he noticed the twinkle in John's eyes. Dave held the pillow out of his reach gazing back towards John. He took a deep breath and decided that if John wanted the pillow he would have to come and get it.

"I'm not going to fight you for it." John sleepily replied, rolling over and lying face down against the sheet. He didn't need a pillow and just didn't have the energy for Dave's antics. He stretched out and closed his eyes ready to drift away.

"Man, you're no fun." Dave leaned over and nuzzled John's neck, still holding the extra pillow against him.

John rolled back towards Dave and yawned. "I'm just really tired, Dave," he said, before feeling Dave's lips press against his. John also felt something else press against him and realized that he wasn't going to get any sleep as long as Dave needed a little release.

"But I suppose with a little encouragement you could manage to arouse me." John teased as he reached out and pulled Dave towards him closing the gap between them and kissed Dave. He felt his own body responding to Dave's kisses.

Dave smiled and opened his mouth giving him full access. He reciprocated by pulling at John's tongue and sucking it into his mouth.

"Mmmmm." John gasped for air and pulled back. "Now, may I have the pillow Dave?" He curiously asked.

Dave grinned and kissed him again, moving closer, he took his time to explore John's yielding mouth. John leaned into him greedily tasting him as he gave into the sensations.

John hesitated for just a second, as he made a grab for the pillow. Dave held tight as the fabric gave away. Both men laughed out loud at the sight of soft white feathers floating all around them.

Dave's hand snaked around to cradle the back of John's head. The kiss was slow and wet and left them breathless, sweating slightly as they lay covered in the feathers.

John pounced on Dave, who found himself flat out on the middle of the bed with John draped over him, nuzzling his neck as his hands stroked his torso. Dave rolled his head to the side while John continued to suck on his neck until he had marked him.

Dave suddenly rolled them over and returned the attentions. Blowing away the loose feathers, he used his tongue to tease and pleasure John. Giving special attention to John's nipples, stopping momentarily to wipe feathers from his mouth. Dave alternated from side to side as he licked and kissed his way down to John's belly and traced around the thin patch of dark hair that encircled his navel. Working his way down to his cock before detouring him completely.

John groaned as he claimed each new area of skin with his tongue, totally giving in to the pleasure that Dave was bestowing upon him. Dave pulled himself back up toward John's face pressing himself firmly against him. Mouth to mouth, cock against cock. They were both so hard, the pre-cum glistening as they rubbed against each other gasping at the sheer pleasure.

Dave reached between them and gathered them both into his hand, using their own sweat and pre-cum to ease the friction. John's body arched and his head fell back as his minded drifted away to paradise, giving over total control to the pleasure that Dave was creating.

Their steady rocking motion on the bed caused the clouds of downy feathers to billow softly around them, but they couldn't care less. It wasn't long before they both came in unison, shooting sticky cum onto each other's bellies.

"That was totally incredible," Dave announced as he lay alongside of John, snuggled against him. Dave nestling his head in the crook of his arm, blowing feathers away from his face.

"I guess we had better clean up this mess." John laughed lightly as he got up and offered Dave his hand.

"I think we need a shower before these feathers stick to us permanently." Dave tried unsuccessfully to brush away the annoying little plumes that were clinging to the stickiness on him.

"Good idea, shower first," John grinned amusingly at him.

Dave closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath as John's arms came around him in a fierce embrace. His hands slid down his back before sneaking back around him to reach the sponge and bathwash. They took turns bathing each other.

John sighed as he stepped under the stream of water, feeling Dave caress him. It felt really good, as John took the sponge from Dave and began massaging him, passing over his chest, slightly stimulating his nipples, sending a tiny pulse to his groin.

"Oh," Dave moaned as he kissed John passionately. Neither one of them could ever remember anyone eliciting such a level of sexual attraction and pure unadulterated passion in them. They had both had many encounters with women and Dave had even been married but this feeling that they shared for one another was so different from anything that they had ever experienced. They had no doubt whatsoever that they were truly in *love*.

~~~~~~~~

John slipped on a pair of sweatpants as he went to fetch the vacuum cleaner while Dave stripped the bed and started to replace the sheets. John had also brought back with him a plastic garbage bag, which he stuffed the torn pillow into. Gathering up as many of the loose feathers that they could by hand, they filled the bag and tightly closed it. Their laughter and bantering was rather boisterous as they continued to clean up the room.

They had only been running the vacuum for a few seconds when they heard a rather loud knocking on their door. Dave grabbed his robe and went to see whom it was.

Kathryn stood in the hallway with her hands on her hips. "Excuse me but do you guys realize what time it is, you're going wake Maura." She scolded and then quickly turned away from him embarrassed, when she noticed his gapping robe.

Pulling the robe closed and tying the belt, Dave whispered, "I'm sorry, we had a little accident with a torn pillow and we seem to be buried in feathers." Dave couldn't hold back his laughter as he held the door open, allowing her to come in so he could prove to her that he was telling her the truth.

"Well, let me give you a hand so we can all get some sleep." She offered to help them clean up as she took the blanket and comforter and shook them out over the balcony. John continued to vacuum while Dave gathered up the sheets for the laundry and took the garbage bag out to the trash.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kerry approached John, in the lounge. He was just finishing up the last of his chart reviews and was getting ready to hand off his last few patients to Deb.

"Carter, I could really use you to stay a few more hours if you would," Kerry asked. "Susan has already worked a double and is now crashed out down the hall. I just can't juggle this schedule around any different and we're still short handed," she exclaimed, completely frustrated with the fact that Mark had suddenly taken some time off and left them short-handed.

"Kerry, I'm really sorry, I've already worked my share of over time. I just can't," John covered his mouth to stifle a yawn. "I have this terrible throbbing, headache and I finally had to take some Tylenol but it's not going away. I need to just go home and sleep it off," he refused.

"I don't have anyone else to cover, you can go take a nap if you need to, but I need for you to be here just in case." Kerry protested, as she tried to keep him from leaving the lounge area.

"Call in a temp, besides I'm on again in eight hours for another double and I need some sleep," John insisted. He turned and went out the other door, refusing to allow her to talk him into staying.

He often thought that if he could just bring himself to tell Kerry that he actually did have someone besides his grandmother to go home to things might be easier.

Catching up to Deb in the hall, he approached her and immediately began to fill her in on the patient as they headed for the admit desk.

"Iverson in four needs another hour of monitoring. Don also in four probably needs a walking cast. The foot x-rays are pending." He handed her some charts and went to the board. "Dr. Lewis is crashed out in 3," he said as he erased his name from the board.

"Susan?" Deb asked, noticing that John hadn't even looked at her. She wondered how long this was going to go on that he wouldn't talk to her.

"Yeah, she worked a double so don't wake her up. Last but not least we have got the lovely but kind of spooky, Mrs. Armstrong in two who's waiting for a psych consult before the sewer people come and get her.

"What sewer people?" Deb asked watching him intently.

"She's crazy, Deb, hence the psych consult and there's a bad burn trauma coming in so have fun." John added wearily and headed back to the lounge.

John hadn't talked much to Deb for a few weeks now and wasn't sure why he was still harboring ill feelings towards her. But at this moment he didn't really care, he just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and hopefully sleep for the rest of the day or at least until Dave got home around noon.

As John turned to leave, Deb noticed that he was still acting rather cool towards her. He was always very good at being completely professional but something in his voice and actions told her that he was still bothered by their last 'friendly' conversation. Her mind was on John and the fact that she really wanted to speak to him before he left but Jerry blocked her way as he handed her a message.

"He called again," Jerry announced with a wide grin.

"Ah, Randal." Deb sighed. Some guy she went out with seemed to think that the night meant more than it had.

"Five calls in 18 hours," Jerry informed her, with a sly smile.

"Sounds like a stalker, want me to talk to him." Frank nosed in.

"No!" She answered Frank and turned to Jerry, "Thanks." She had wanted to catch John before he left, but her plan was foiled by an incoming trauma.

John decided that he was tired of the tension between Deb and himself so as much as he wanted to just get the hell out here, he also needed to talk with her.

Walking into the trauma room he joined in at helping to transfer the patient from the gurney to the exam table.

"Need a hand?" He asked looking from Deb to the patient as she started her examination.

Deb concentrated on her work, calling out orders for tests and medication. After seeing that the woman was in no immediate danger she turned her attentions to John.

"I thought that you were leaving? Weaver manage to rope ya into staying?" She asked as she pulled off her trauma gown and gloves, tossing then in a nearby bin.

"No, well she tried but I refused. Actually I just needed to talk to you for a minute about the other day," he answered hoping that she understood what he meant.

"Good for you, John, it's about time you stand up to her." Deb grinned.

"But you see, Deb, I've never really had a problem with Kerry," he added.

"Okay, John, whatever you say," Deb smiled his way, not wanting to start anything with him again.

"Deb, I just wanted to apologized for how I've been acting toward you lately," he turned to face her.

"John, forget it, I know that you've had a lot on your mind and I'm sorry that you felt you couldn't talk to me about it," Deb replied. "Besides I'm the one that should apologized, it's just that I was a bit surprised by what you told me and I reacted badly, I'm really sorry. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable." Deb turned and saw Haleh and Lydia whispering between them. She rolled her eyes and elbowed John to make him aware that they had an audience.

He backed up and gave a big sigh, "Thanks Deb, I just need some time to work out a few things but I didn't want this little misunderstanding to get in the way of our friendship." He grinned at her hoping that the nurses wouldn't make too big of an ordeal out of their conservation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

John wrapped his jacket tighter around himself, feeling a slight chill in the air. He was pleasantly surprised to find Abby standing outside. She had a large manila envelope in her hand and had been taking to Luka, who had just driven away in a brand new sports car. He figured that they had been discussing a patient.

"Nice car!" He smiled, trying to make small talk with her. "Did he get the leopard print interior?" John teased.

Abby didn't say anything; she just shook her head. After the incident with Brian and spending a couple of days at John's house, she was reminded that nothing was ever going to happen between them. She knew that he was head over heals in love with Dave and she didn't want to come between the two of them.

"You off?" He hoped that she was. They hadn't talked much since she had spent the nights and then had decided she needed to go back to her own place. He had offered to stay with her for a while but she had declined his offer.

"Not till ten," Abby turned away not wanting to talk about this. She really didn't want to talk at all. Now she understood how he had felt last May when she was with Luka and he wanted more than to just be friends.

"What did you do to deserve that?" He teased. Something about the way she was avoiding him lately bothered him and he really wanted to find out what was going on with her.

"I asked," she replied, noticing the questioning look he was giving her. "This way I'm never home when my neighbor is."

"He's out on bail?" John asked. Not wanting to believe that Brian could get away what he had done to Abby.

"Um.til the trial.til. I can get my life back." Abby's voice was slightly shaking which cause John to be concerned.

"How's his wife?" John asked trying to lighten the subject.

"She's good, safe," Abby added.

"How are you?" John asked, tilting his head a bit as he tried to read her expression. "How's the eye?" John reached out and tenderly stroked her cheek. He knew he was being a 'mother hen' but he couldn't help himself.

"It's good but I think my 'Good Samaritan' days are over though," Abby blushed at his touch.

"You probably saved her life," John reassured her that her efforts were worth it. "Staying till midnights, that can be tough. Getting enough sleep?" John asked her. He really hoped that she would talk to him but she just nodded. "Yeah? Eating okay? Feeling depresses or anxious?" He continued. Now he was beginning to sound like a commercial for antidepressants but he cared so much and wanted her to know that he was there for her.

"I have to get back," Abby walked away and headed back inside. She knew that deep down John still loved her, just not the same way that he was in love with Dave.

"Call if you want to talk." John really wished that she would talk to him. He knew that there was still something bothering her and he wanted to find out what it was. He also knew that it would do no good at all to push her.

"I'm good," she called back over her shoulder as she began to walk away.

"Coffee and pie on me if you change your mind," John shouted back. It had become a running joke between them. They couldn't count the many nights that they had spent together sharing coffee and pie and talking into the wee hours of the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~

When John arrived home, Maura immediately met him at the front door.

"Daddy John, Daddy John, you're home!" Maura screeched excitedly as she ran to him with her arms opened.

"Hey, Sweetie, how's my little princess?" John picked her up and kissed her on the nose as she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck.

"Fine." She answered as she began to play with his necktie. "Can we go to the park and get pizza?"

"Oh, Sweetie, I'm too tired." John laughed at the idea of her wanting pizza for breakfast. Besides it smells like Corrine has something mighty tasty cooking." John said as he carried her into the kitchen.

"Hello, Dr. John, I hope you have an appetite because I made waffles," Corrine smiled as she saw them come into the kitchen.

"But, I don't like waffoz," Maura whined, snuggling up against him.

"Yeah, well I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." John answered as he pulled some juice from the refrigerator. "What would you like to drink, Maura?" He asked ignoring her whines.

"She's been a little cranky this morning and Kathryn isn't feeling well. I think she has the flu." Corrine spoke softly as she placed a plate down for John.

"I hope its not going around cause I've had a headache all night." John set Maura on a seat at the counter.

"I'm sure its nothing serious, you're just overworked and need to rest." Corrine felt his forehead just to be sure.

"I'll tell you what, if you eat the waffles, I'll let you come up and lie down with me until Daddy gets home and then next Saturday we both have the day off and we can go out for pizza and a movie and whatever else you want to do depending on the weather. Is that a deal or what?" John hoped his bribe would put her in a better mood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Sweetie, what are you doing in here?" Dave whispered as he picked Maura up of the bed. He gathered her up into his arms for a big hug and a smooch. He took a moment to admire John, sleeping, sprawled out over the entire bed.

"Shhh, we can't wake Daddy John," Maura whispered with her fingers on her lips. "I need my doll." She leaned back to grabbed onto her doll she had been playing with.

Corrine had offered to watch her but John insisted on letting her come play on the bed with him.

He was so exhausted that he felt as if he could sleep through just about anything. Corrine had checked in several times to make sure that Maura was letting him sleep. She was amazed at how quiet Maura was being as she contently played with her doll while John snored quietly beside her.

"Come on Maura, let's go get some lunch and I'll play a game of Candy Land with ya, but then I'm gonna need to get some sleep myself. Next Saturday John and I will be home all day and then we can do something fun together.

"Daddy John said we could go to a movie and get a pizza." Maura squished his cheek as he carried her into the kitchen.

"Have a seat you two," Corrine commanded. "I have some nice hot soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for you. She set the bowls one at a time on counter. "Do you know if John will be up for dinner?"

"No, I think he has to be back at the hospital by then," Dave yawned. "I'm about ready to hit the hay myself but I promised Maura that I would play a game with her. By the way where's Kathryn?" Dave asked just noticing that he hadn't seen her since he'd been home.

"She's sick in bed with the flu. I hope the little one doesn't catch it." Corrine replied. "I was just going to go up to see if she would like a little soup," she added.

~~~~~~~~~~

John, woke to the sound of the radio alarm, blaring out, 'You might be walking on the sun.'

"Oh, God, John groaned, lifting Dave's arm from around his waist as he rolled over to turn it off. It never ceased to amaze him what Dave could sleep through. Relaxing back again for a moment, he fell back to sleep.

"John, hey buddy, wake up." Dave shook John's sleeping body.

"What?" John groaned sleepily, burying himself under the covers.

"You're gonna be late, love, " Dave whispered trying to wake John up.

"Oh, God." John shot up out of bed and ran into the shower.

"I can go down and fix you something to eat," Dave offered as he watched John make a run for the bathroom.

"No, thanks, I won't have time. I'll stop and pick something up along the way.

"I can call the Deli and place an order for ya," Dave stood just inside watching John shower.

"Yeah, okay, a turkey wrap sounds good," John reached for the shampoo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Carter! Just the man I want to see. Oh, look I've got six patients for you." Deb teased, she was just as anxious to end her shift, as he had been earlier.

"I'm not on for 8 minutes," he tried ignoring her obvious attempt to hand off her patients to him

"But you're here," she bantered.

"And I'm eating," John leaned back eating his sandwich.

"Ah! That's too bad." She began but her attention was quickly pulled into another direction.

"Jing Mei?" Randal called as he approached the desk. He seemed excited to see her.

"Randal?" Deb answered in surprise.

"I've been calling you all day. Did you get my flowers?" He asked.

"Ah, yes, thanks," Deb answered coolly. John noticed the apprehension in her voice. He was trying not to eves drop but he couldn't help himself.

"So are you off?" Randal asked.

"Oh, I um." Deb looked at her watch trying to come up with and excuse for not going out with him.

"Aren't you supposed to be covering for Dr. Greene?" Carter quickly covered for her, thinking that she would appreciate his help.

"Yes, yes, I am." Deb looked back toward Carter and winked her thanks to him.

"What about after that?" Randal continued.

Deb paused trying to come up with a reply. She knew what she had to do but didn't want to. John placed his foot on the small of her back pushing her into the direction of where Randal stood. He knew that she needed a little push and was more than happy to give it to her.

"Look, Randal, you're a nice guy and all but I don't think this is going to work between us.

"I had fun," he replied a bit taken back by the idea that she was brushing him off.

"Sorry, I have to get back to work," Deb lied.

"Can I call you?" Randal asked her hoping that maybe this was just not a good time for her.

"No," Deb stated.

"Bye." Randal looked a bit disappointed and confused as he turned and left.

"Don't tell me that you broke up with the guy," Chuni asked as she leaned close to Deb's ear.

"It was hardly a break up we just went out once." Deb smirked.

"One date and the guy's buying you flowers?" Carter grinned as he stood to check in, still chewing his food.

"Can you believe it? You give a guy a little hand release during Harry Potter and he wants to marry you," Deb snipped.

Carter coughed as Deb came up behind him and patted him on the back.

"Are you okay," Deb laughed.

"Thank you," John was laughing as he tried to keep from choking.

16- Secrets and Lies


John had made plans to pick Susan up for their early morning yoga session. After the first few times of going, he had come to enjoy it and found that it really was helping to build the strength in his back so it had proved to be very beneficial.

He arrived at her apartment with coffee and bagels only to find out that she had spent the night at Mark Greene's and had forgotten about their play-date.

John became rather irritated with her. He didn't want to seem judgmental but Mark was a married man even if he was having some marital problem. It just wasn't right. The fact that she refused to tell him why she was there made it even harder for him to believe that nothing besides friendship was going on.

They hadn't even reached the entrance to the hospital when Kerry recruited them to help with a patient that had just arrived by ambulance.

The patient had caught the attention of the entire ER, a dominatrix mistress with a very over weight client who had apparently fallen from some sort to torture devise. The man refused to take off the hood of his leather outfit, not wanting his identity revealed. He was sent to radiology to have X-rays taken. The woman had insisted on going with him, leaving John, Luka, Susan, Abby, & Michael Gallant in the exam room together. Susan and Abby had found a rather large leather bag that the woman had left behind. Curious to see what was in it they placed it on the gurney and opened it revealing a rather unusual assortment of sex toys.

John and Luka had both warned the girls that they shouldn't get into the bag but once it was opened their curiosity got the best of them and they joined in the fun.

Dr. Weaver walked in the room to find them all horsing around with various items from the bag. She sent Gallant out of the room to speak to him separately and called the rest together to lecture them on work place behavior. She also admonished them for behaving inappropriately in front of a student.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Dave, I'm sorry." John shouted, waving his hands in the air as he paced the living room. He had been arguing with Dave ever since he had told him of the fact that he was ordered by Kerry to attend an all day seminar on sexual harassment.

"Shit! And we've been planning this for a week now and it's supposed to snow tomorrow also, what a hell of a day it's gonna be now." Dave stormed. "Maura's really been lookin' forward to this and frankly so have I."

"Well, at least you get to spend some time with her. I've barely seen her for more than a few minutes lately." John growled back.

"Dammit, I don't even work for Weaver anymore and she still manages to bust my balls." Dave sat heavily onto the couch. "So, you plan on telling Maura or do I have to."

John turned and shot Dave a frightful glare. "Of course I'm going to tell her. I just thought we'd be doing it together. I guess that's just too much to ask." John left the room slamming the door behind him. They were both getting out of control and John felt he needed to leave before he said something he would regret.

John found Maura curled up on her bed scowling at him. He sat down and pulled her up into his lap. "Come here Sweetie, I have something I need to talk to you about.

"Are you mad at my daddy?" Maura scrunch her face putting on her meanest look. She had heard them yelling and she didn't like it.

"No, I'm not mad at him." John sighed as he held her against his chest.

"Is he mad at you?" She pulled back and put her tiny hands on his cheeks.

"No, Sweetie, he's not mad at me either. We're just both upset because something came up at work and I can't be here tomorrow. But I get off Sunday so you'll have all day tomorrow with Daddy and then all day the next with me." John put on his best smile hoping that she wouldn't be upset with him also.

"But you promised, you promised that we would all be together tomorrow."
She crawled out of his lap and laid down snuggling up with her doll.

'Damn,' John thought to himself. He seemed to be in the 'doghouse' with everyone. Getting up from the bed he leaned over and gave Maura a kiss.
"Good-night, Sweetie, sleep tight." His heart ached when Maura pulled away from him. He left the room and headed downstairs into the billiards room.

After several rounds of pool by himself, John finally laid down on the couch thinking about how stupid he was for not just leaving the room when Susan and Abby had opened that woman's bag. He wouldn't be in this situation now if he had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John had basically woken up on the wrong side of the bed or was that the couch? He had fallen asleep downstairs and found Dave sleeping on the couch in the upstairs living room. He stepped into the shower to get ready to go to the dreaded seminar.

Dave woke when he heard the water running in the bathroom. They had both had a rather long day previously and had both been over tired when they got into it over John not being able to be there today.

This was not how Dave had planned to spend his Saturday off. He had not had a Saturday off in over a month, let alone a day off with John for a while. To top it off this was his only day off this week and he and John had also promised Maura that they would all be able to spend today together. He knew that John was angry at making him tell Maura himself but he had been too tired and upset to deal with it. Lying down on the couch he had fallen asleep and that's where he had ended up spending the night.

John stood in the shower letting the hot water run over his stiff muscles. He had a kink in his neck from sleeping on the couch. This was not how he had planned to spend his free Saturday. Like Dave, he hadn't had a Saturday off in over a month, let alone a day off that Dave also was home. He had managed to get Kerry to agree to letting him have Sunday off, telling her he was going to take the day whether she liked it or not. It wasn't much help with his current situation since Dave still had to work. The worst thing was having to break his promise to Maura. She seemed more upset then he had expected that they wouldn't all be able to spend the day together.

Dave stepped into the shower behind John, "Hey, I'm really sorry about last night." Dave caressed John and lightly bit his shoulder blade.

"I'm sorry too, but I'm running late. I really don't have time for this." John turned around and kissed Dave on the lips. "The snows already coming down pretty heavily, it's going to take me longer to get there." He stood under the water to rinsed himself and left Dave standing alone in the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arriving at the college, John was still angry as hell that Dr. Weaver had ordered him along with Susan, Abby, Luka, and his med student Michael Gallant to attend this all-day-long sexual harassment seminar. If only he had been a little more insistent when he told Susan and Abby that they shouldn't be messing around with their patient's belongings.

It was bad enough that Dr. Weaver had caught them all screwing around but for her to insinuate that they didn't have the mind to understand that their behavior was inappropriate, as if she had never done anything that was inappropriate before. 'Well, knowing Kerry, she probably hadn't but that was beside the point. It wasn't like he made a habit of doing so either.'

John entered the classroom to find Gallant and Luka already there. Gallant sat near the back of the room with Luka in the middle. He greeted them passively and took a seat in the front on the other side of the room. Opening his newspaper and sipping his coffee, he sat back ignoring their presence.

The door opened and Susan sauntered in noticing the men all sitting by themselves neither talking to the other. Susan took a seat next to John and began a conversation. Not really wanting to talk, he got up and began pacing the room, checking out the videos that sat with the TV and gazing out the window occasionally.

Finally, Abby arrived. "I thought I was late." She smiled as she entered the room and looked around, not bothering to remove her jacket. The room was freezing cold, but not as cold as the atmosphere surrounding the other occupants of the room. She took a seat near Susan.

"You are late," John replied.

"Does anyone know how long this is supposed to last?" Susan asked

"All day, I think." Luka answered from behind his newspaper.

"What are they going to do, show us videos?" Abby asks.

"Sexual harassment videos," Susan mocked playfully.

"Role playing and long lectures is what I heard." John added in disgust. "Acting out inappropriate behavior. You two," he said, indicating Abby and Susan, "Should excel at that."

"Would you drop it?" Susan asked

John wandered towards the back of the room and sat down as the girls began to discuss the 'thing' someone had put in Weavers locker. They were asking accusing questions of each other in an attempt to find out who did it. Susan burst out laughing as she recalled the look on Weaver's face when she had found the large purple dildo with its black leather belt.

"This isn't funny," John fumed. He sat back exasperated, finally shedding his winter wear. The heater had finally kicked on and the room was beginning to warm up.

Luka was smirking towards Susan and Abby, watching their amusement.

Gallant sat rather disgusted over the entire situation as he kept to himself with his pile of schoolbooks. He had a mountain of homework and no time to waste in getting it finished.

"Sure it is." Susan continued to laugh, determined to make the best of a bad situation. She also had better ways to spend her time and figured that if she had to be here, she might as well try and have some fun.

"No, it's not." John snarled, glaring at her. He thought of Dave and Maura at home making snow angels out in the driveway, drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows, ordering pizza and watching Cinderella. Anything sounded better than being here.

"This is going to be a very long day." Susan turned towards Abby as they both observed John's pissy ass mood. Abby found it amazing that Susan was warming up to her so easily. She never thought that Susan liked her very much and never thought of her as very friendly. This day might not be so bad after all. She thought as she watched John, sitting there staring at the ceiling in total boredom.

Abby got up and began wandering around the front of the room. She stopped in front of the chalkboard and began piecing together the fragments of the sentences left.

"I think that's Whitman ... that's 'I Sing the Body Electric.'" Susan commented as Abby turned towards her.

"What?" Abby turned in surprise that someone else actually recognized the writings on the board. "I know that one." Abby claimed.

"You know Whitman?" Susan asked in surprise.
Abby asks what's so odd about her knowing Whitman, and Susan simply says that not many people know his work.

"You've got 'Fame,' you know." Abby chimed.

"Please. I love 'Fame,' Susan commented.

"Well, it looks like somebody erased most of it." She began reciting what she knew of it. The girls became enthralled with it as they began taking about the movie 'Fame'. Susan was singing a rendition of 'I Sing the Body Electric.'

John disgustedly tosses his coffee cup into the trash, breaking up their joviality. Both girls looked towards John with disdain.

"How long are we going to wait? This thing was supposed to start at 8 o'clock," John snipped, becoming very impatient.

"He probably got held up by the snow." Luka quietly offered as he sat, folding a piece of paper into an airplane, just trying to find something to do.

"We all got here." John complained. "I say we go," he squirmed in his seat, really not wanting to be here in the first place.

"I say we wait." Gallant spoke up. All he had to do was homework and this was as good a place as any to do it.

"He speaks." John turned, amused as he stared at Gallant.

"So what if he's late? We were told to report to room 224 at zero eight-hundred and I'm here and I'm going to stay here until somebody in charge tells me to do otherwise and I suggest that you all do the same." Gallant advised.

"Zero eight-hundred." John mocked as he stood and gathered up his coat and began to put it on. "This ain't the Marines, Gallant. At ease."

"It's the Army, Dr. Carter." Gallant replied.

"Well, I don't think anyone is going to Court Martial you because a guy didn't show up for a lecture." It was bad enough that they had to be here, but the fact that the instructor was late did not sit very well with John at all.

"Gallant's right. We should wait. I don't want to come here again next Saturday." Luka remarked not taking his eyes from his paper airplane.

"Abby please, we're in a public building." Gallant addressed the fact that she was beginning to light up a cigarette.

"I know, nobody's here," she responded.

"I'm here," he replied. Abby looked around at the others. Luka smirked his disapproval, as John silently sneered at the idea that Gallant did have a point.

John slammed his gloves onto the desktop as he removed his coat and returned to his seat, resigning himself to staying. He was still upset that everyone was going to sit around and wait for who knows how long. What was that stupid movie? 'The Breakfast Club', that's what this felt like. Banished to detention on 'his' Saturday and all because Weaver had no friggin' sense of humor. John thought silently to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The seminar was finally over as they all gathered outside the building, knowing more about each other then they had learned the entire time they all worked together.

Abby was the first one outside the building as she lit her cigarette. "Hey, it stopped snowing," she announced.

"It's about time," John said. He was in a much better mood but still not happy about missing out on spending the day with his 'family.'

"Anyone need a ride?" Luka offered. "I've got my car."

"I'm on in 20 minutes." Abby replied.

"You're working tonight?" John asked.

"Yeah, me too." Gallant added.

"Well, that was fun." Susan approached Abby and offered her hand in friendship.

"Let's try to never do that again." Abby snickered.

"You want me to give you a lift to the hospital?" Luka offered Abby.

"It's only a couple of blocks. Gallant will walk with me." Abby declined.

"You have your keys?" Luka asked before heading to his car.

"Yeah, I'll try not to wake you when I come in." Abby replied, still a bit embarrassed that John had found out that she was now staying at Luka's. She wasn't sure why she felt that way but she did.

Luka stopped to shake John's hand as he bid everyone good-bye. "See you guys later."

"I had fun talking, we should have coffee sometime." Susan said to Abby before also turning to leave.

"Sure, I'd love that." Abby said. "Ready?" She addressed Gallant who was waiting for her.

"She's pretty great." Susan said to John, as they remained alone together.

"Who?" John's mind was on Dave, completely lost in his own thoughts and desires to get home.

"Abby, I really didn't know her before I didn't think I'd like her, but I do." Susan explained. She still believed that even though John was with Dave that he still had a crush on Abby.

"You want to get something to eat? I'm starving." John offered, being polite. He hoped that she would decline his offer so that he could get home sooner.

"You know you really made a fool of yourself today." Susan told him.

"What?" John said. Looking confused.

"If you're worried about Abby living with Luka, don't be, I don't think anything is going on." Susan began.

John really had no idea what she was taking about. "How did I make a fool out of myself?" He asked. What did she know about how he felt about Abby staying with Luka?

"You participated in a duel, for one thing." She said with a grin.

John nodded, acknowledging that that was foolish.

"Kiss me." Susan said looking at him. "Just kiss me," she said again.

Her words caught him by surprise and he found himself doing just that but he quickly pulled away.

"Was it there for you?"

"It was nice." John admitted, not quite understanding what she meant. He thought that it had been clear to her that he didn't have any feelings for her. He looked at her confused. 'Did she not believe that he was serious about Dave?' He thought.

"It wasn't there for me either." Susan claimed.

John stood staring at her for a moment wondering what the hell that was all about? This entire day was turning into some sort of dreaded nightmare and he was beginning to wonder when he was going to wake up and find himself at home...hopefully in his bed still wrapped around Dave.

"Okay go, before I change my mind," Susan grinned.

"You sure?"

"I regret it all ready. You know, that gold digger alarm should be clanging like a school bell."

"This isn't because Mark Greene just suddenly became available, is it?" John smiled jokingly

"You know when I said you're making a fool out of yourself? Well, you're doing it again." Susan kidded. Then she looked him in the eyes. "You should tell her."

"Who?" John asked, confused. Then it hit him. "Tell her what?"

"That you're desperately in love with her and you can't live a moment without her."

"Really?"

"You're hopeless.... you'll figure it out"

"Friends?"

"No I hate you," she laughed

As John began to leave, he turned back towards her, "Hey, I used to have Weaver's locker. She never changed the combination." John confessed being the one to put the toy in Weavers locker.

"It was you!" Susan smiled as he winked at her before turning to leave.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"What a nightmare!" John sat up suddenly, shaking off the weirdness of his dream. His sudden movement woke Dave from his slumber.

"Bad dream?" Dave exclaimed hoarsely as he reached out and ran his hand up John's back.

"Yeah well, the thought of Abby watching 'Survivor' and Susan watching 'Fear Factor' is pretty frightening. And Susan was singing that song...the one from that movie 'Fame.' John stood as he rubbed the back of his neck, trying to remember the name of the song. "Oh yeah, 'I sing the Body Electric'. It was just plain scary." John mused as he went to bathroom to relieve himself.

Dave rolled onto his side and propped his head up with his arm. "So, that was the entire dream?" Dave shouted through the open door.

John finished his business and rejoined Dave on the bed. "No, it was weird.... there was Susan, Abby and Luka and my new med student Gallant... we all had to go to this seminar but the instructor was late and I was in a really bad mood and Susan acted like she and I were dating or something. She was all jealous because she said I still had a crush on Abby."

"You do still have a crush on Abby." Dave snickered.

"Maybe so...anyway she spent the night with Mark...well that's true but I thought it was more than just her being his friend. It was sort of eerie."

"Then Luka was talking about Abby, sleeping on his couch, but nothing had happened, like he was trying to prove that a man and a women, even if they had once been involved, could later be just friends. I have to admit the idea of Abby still staying at Luka's does still bother me a bit."

"Nothing to worry about there. It's hard for her to be here, knowing that you're with me now." Dave laughed.

"I'm sort of glad she decided not to go back to her apartment yet." John admitted. "I know that the idea of Brian being out still scares her."

"The funny thing was that Susan said that I was probably more upset at that then her staying at Mark's. She also kept insisting that I tell Abby that I was still stuck on her, and she refused to change the subject."

"I think you ate too much pizza before going to bed last night." Dave bantered.

"It's strange because I've never had a dream where I could remember so many details and nothing really made much sense." John shuddered. "I was trying to make friends with Luka by asking him about the Bears and he said he never watched American football but said he watched basketball, he wanted to talk about the Bulls, and I told him that the Bulls stink."

"No way! That's a sacrilege." Dave gasped jokingly.

"What? Saying the Bulls stink or Luka not watching American football?" John laughed.

"Both actually," Dave said. "So, what did your med student have to do with your dream?"

"Not much, really. He kept talking about his family and asking everyone what their dads do for a living. That was another weird part. Abby and Susan were making a big deal out of trying to figure out how much I was worth."

"Didn't ya say he was in the military or somethin'?" Dave rolled back onto his back but scooted closer to John.

"Yeah, Army Reserves. They're paying for his education. I knew a girl once that was a med student through the Air Force." John answered. "He was talking some nonsense about wishing they would give him a gun, put him somewhere where he could use it." John shook his head as he settled down closer to Dave.

"Luka was talking about being in the Army, which I know is true and Abby was talking about her brother Eric being in the Air Force, in Saudi Arabia, which is also true." He added.

"I didn't know that." Dave exclaimed.

"Yeah, he's an air traffic controller." John added.

"Susan was telling Gallant that my family was worth millions and then Abby was asking how I managed to last this long with out some�.'girl' marrying me."

"So what did you tell them?" Dave asked curiously even though it was just a dream.

John laughed, "I said we all come with a built in gold digger alarm. That my grandmother installs them at birth," John snickered, "Funny really, I'd never thought of saying anything like that before." John bantered.

"Well, Gamma like's me so I guess I don't have to worry about your 'alarm'." Dave snickered as he ran his hand across John's chest.

"What was weird was; I was telling Susan that money isn't everything and Luka was sticking up for me by saying that they never had much, they always struggled but were always happy."

"Luka was lucky, I mean I had my mom and Camille and Eddy but my dad was such a total ass and ruined everything for everyone." Dave commented

"There's no way that any of them would ever understand how the little rich boy could want for anything, when the only thing I ever wanted was the one thing that money could never buy. There's more important things in life like being loved and accepted."

"Guess that's what makes us good for each other, we've both been through a lot to get to where we are now and as far I'm concerned I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I only want to be with you for the rest of my life." Dave purred as he rolled on top of John smothering him with kisses.

After a short time, John turned his head away seeking air, "Dave, I can't breathe." He smiled trying to push Dave off his chest. Dave raise up and gave him room to breathe. Moving himself down a bit so not so much of his weight was resting on John's chest.

"Through out the entire dream Susan kept trying to figure out who had put something in Weaver's locker, some sex toy or something to do with us all getting yelled at the other day." John continued his story.

"Now that's something I won't mind seeing." Dave snickered.

"And there was this closet that I broke into and found some fencing gear and
Luka and I started fencing but it was more like a duel and it seemed to be over Abby."

"So, you were fighting over Abby?" Dave asked looking up at John.

"Yeah, I guess I was, strange huh." John looked confused.

"I think you still love her, John." Dave rolled back onto his side. "Maybe this dream is telling you that you still have unresolved issues with Abby." Dave offered.

John rolled over to face Dave. "I do love, Abby, as a friend, but Dave I am totally desperately *in* love with you." John confirmed.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not like I think I have anything to worry about, but I do think that you love Abby more than you're willing to admit."

"I don't know, I do care a lot about her but its not the same as the love I have for you. I mean.... yeah, I've thought about the three of us together but that would be just too weird. It's really not something that I want to have happen."

"Oh, you wouldn't want to see Abby sprawled out naked here between us?" Dave teased.

"If that's what I really wanted, Dave I'm sure it could have happened. I mean it's not like she hasn't wanted it to happen as well. To tell you the truth, I think that if it did happen, you'd get left of the picture."

"Is that why you've refused to allow Abby into our bed?" Dave asked.

"Dave, I can't help how I feel about Abby, but if I ever had her in my bed, I don't think I could think of anything else, and I don't think I could handle seeing her with you. I don't think it would be fair to either one of us." John spoke honestly.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't mind just watching you two. I mean Abby really is a great looking women and I know she's never really been all that interested in me. But watching you and her, God that would be so hot!" Dave smiled mischievously.

"I don't know, if this dream was supposed to be about my feelings for Abby, what would admitting when I lost my virginity have to do with that. In the dream I was telling them about it."

"I don't know, you were telling them what you've told me?" Dave wondered.

"Yeah, Abby and Susan where playing this game trying to get everyone to say when they first did it and I was telling them everything. Well not everything but about it being with the maid."

"Then Susan was laughing and saying that she hoped I gave her a hell of a Christmas bonus."

"Man, that sure was a long dream," Dave giggled pulling John into his arms.

"Yeah, I can do without dreams like that though." John smiled sleepily as he cuddled up close to Dave, ready to go back to sleep.